Gahhhhh

I can't believe it's been three weeks since I last updated you. Life has been crazy here in Bend. Mostly good but of course I AM an emotional roller coaster so here's what's pretty much been happening.
School:
Best thing happening to me at the moment. Provides much needed stability and normalcy. If I don't want to deal with life, school is what I rely on to get me through the moment. Unfortunately summer break is approaching at full speed and I'm dreading not having school for 6 weeks. What am I going to do?! I know I sound crazy when I say this but honestly with everything that's been changing in my life, school is the only thing that's remained the same. School is the same anywhere you go: you're expected to do your work, study hard, and you'll be rewarded.
Friends:
My friends here are awesome. I love them to death and while they are mostly older than me (25-30) we still have fun going out together. Of course most of them have jobs, families/husbands, and lives that keep them busy so fitting in with them when they're talking about their mother-in-law or their kids or their co-workers, etc. is kind of difficult. Mostly I hang out with Sarah, Robbie, and Jaclyn because we're all between the ages of 21 and 23. We all have different interests but we have fun hanging out regardless.
Boys:
This is where life gets to that emotional roller coaster I've been talking about. J3 and I had been talking a lot and we've kind of come to a halt in our.... friendship/relationship. I didn't know what we were until now. He's not ready for another relationship and I wanted to get back with him so we kind of struggled with our communication. Mostly my fault for not saying what I was really feeling and letting him say here's what we're gonna do. So of course after being hurt enough I snapped and I'm not so proud to say that we're not really on great terms anymore. It sucks. It REALLY sucks. He still wants me in his life as a friend but I don't think I'm mature enough for that so I'm pretty much keeping it a shallow friendship consisting mostly of "I need nutrition advice" and "can you help me" situations. I've started to talk to other guys, mostly ex's, about why he has such control over me and all they could really say is that I'm not over him. WELL DUHHHHH I could've told you that!! Part of me still wants to wait it out and see what might happen but another part is telling me "you've been through enough it's time to pull the plug." Putting something to sleep is never easy but sometimes it's for the best. When I'm not talking to him I'm less stressed out and kind of happier but I also don't feel complete. It's like no one can make me feel as good about myself than he can.... It's weird I know. I think I need to get over him.
Probably one of the best things that came out of my struggle with J3 is the reconnection I made with Nick. Yes my ex Nick from Hawaii that is so different from me that I still don't know how we get along so well. I started texting him and he's helping me to figure myself out. Whenever I'm not feeling great or I have the urge to talk to J3, I text him and he makes everything seem perfect. Nothing to worry about, everything to smile about. I don't know what made me lose contact with him for so long.... oh wait yes I do, 6000+ miles and a whole mess of boy drama in college. Ugh well, there's no one here for me to date so there's really no drama left and now I'm only 3000+ miles away. Ergo, TEXT!!
Is it possible to use guy to get over another guy?? or I guess more so I'm asking, is it OK or healthy?? What if I don't want to get over J3?? UGHHHHH stupid Oregon and your young marriage age.... STOP MAKING ME THINK ABOUT IT!!! This is why I made it known at Skidmore that I'm never getting married. It's too much stress!! Grrrrrrr

In other news: I'm crazy. The end.

Well not really the end. I don't have much else to catch you up on but I'm sure as time goes by I'll think of more to write. Hopefully I'll be back within the week. Until then... Laters