What's Wrong With Me??

Despite being surrounded by friends who love me, I feel more alone than ever. I can't help but get angry at those who try to cheer me up or snap at those who ask the questions, "How are you??" All it took was for me to walk from Case back to my Northwoods apartment to start crying. Of course, I couldn't show it. I knew at least one of my housemates would be in the living room studying if not two. I couldn't admit to them what I'm feeling. I don't even know for sure what I'm feeling to be honest. It feels like loneliness but it also feels like anger, hatred, and fear. Those tend to rule most of my emotions. I can't remember who said it now but someone once told me that negative emotions are just the absence of happiness. Well duh. But really at this point I feel like a dementor is on the approach because I don't feel like I can be happy right now. I find myself crying, once again, alone in my room wondering if I want to talk to someone about what I'm feeling. I generally run to Chris but he won't be there forever. I don't even feel like he's really there for me now (which is absolute crap because he has been nothing but supportive in my attempt to stop being a self-loathing, pessimistic bitch to the world). I don't feel like I can do this on my own. I need someone there. I need someone who I can trust. I need someone who I know won't judge me. I know that I have these people in my life who will be there for me, who will let me trust them, who won't judge me.... But knowing is entirely different from feeling it. I don't know how to change my thoughts around. I just know that I need to. For my health and happiness, I need to start seeing the up side to things. If you know how to help me, please let me know. Until then... Laters.