Breathing Deep

So we're finally in the last month of school and it's finally starting to hit me.... I'm never coming back to Skidmore for classes after this. How weird is that to think about?? I never really thought about it at Mid Pac because I knew I'd at least come back for a visit. Plus I spent a good 7 years of my life there.... I've been here half the amount of time and for the most part, don't have as strong of a relationship with my professors here. It's like, what was I doing here for four years??

Sigh. I've been slowly accepting that my life is changing and that I'm not the same girl who came here in the Fall of 2007. Stressful things are no longer stressful and things that weren't stressful are now stressing me out. Friends that I met freshman year are no more than acquaintances now and friends that I met this year or even this semester are the ones I fear losing more than anything. The biggest thing that I can't imagine losing in my life are my new found loves: Fight Club, Breakbeats, and Equestrian. I have been so involved in the life of all these teams that going throughout my day without having to go to practice or attend a meeting for them, well it just seems incomplete. I'm not really sure how to cope with all this just yet. So far all I've been doing is breathing deep.

Yes, I'm thrilled that my life is headed in a direction that I want it to be heading in but at the same time I can't help but focus on the negative. What am I losing?? What am I leaving?? What can I do to maintain the life that I have here?? I know that I have so much more to look forward to... Meeting new people, living in a new place, exploring new possibilities... It's all great to think about. It's scary but a good scary. Nothing like the scary I feel when I think about all the things I could be living without in a month and a half. Was I this scared when I left Hawaii??

I'm sure everyone else has these feelings and no one wants to leave undergrads because (let's face it) these are the best years of our lives. I don't deny that and I don't doubt that it'll hold true thirty years from now when I'm going through my mid-life crisis and get some stupid tattoo to make me feel young again. All I'm saying is that it'd be nice if someone held the same excitement for moving on as I do. Everyone I talk to is scared to move on, or they don't want to because they don't know what they want to do. It's all just too much for me to deal with.

I'll try to update more when I figure my emotions out a little better. Until then... Laters.