NEVER fight with your bf/gf when you're in a long distance relationship. Especially if he/she has a low battery and is on the road and has no way of charging his/her phone until a couple days after you say things you regret. Take it from me.... I have personal experience in this matter. Jeremy has been on a road trip for the last two weeks (I think. The days have started to blur together). I barely get to talk to him because he's driving from national park to national park camping and being all... well... Jeremy (and by Jeremy I mean, outdoorsy and adventurous and IMPOSSIBLE to get in touch with). He calls me every so often just to say hi (which I requested because I wanna know that he's alive). But of course, he's camping in his car and at national parks so he doesn't have a way to charge his phone that often. So when he calls me the opening line is, "Hi babe, just so you know my phone is about to die." My response, "Of course it is. Where are you now?" Well, just so YOU know, I'm a girl, I have mood swings when it's that time of the month, and my tolerance level has hit maximum. So yes, I got irritated with him and snapped quite a bit. Right as I was about to take a deep breath and say I'm sorry, his phone dies. AWESOME. So now our conversation is in the middle of a fight and I have no way of contacting him for a couple days because he has no phone. I feel terrible about it, although I justify it with PMS and the fact that I miss him when I get to talk to him all the time (which is rarely). I want to apologize but can't... at least not for a little while. And by the time he gets home and is able to talk to me, I will be in school which means I won't have time to talk to him. So basically... we're both in over our heads and we know it. We knew it would be hard when we got into the relationship which is why we talked about it for 2 and a half months before actually getting into it, and now three months later, we think we won't make it. There are just too many obstacles for us to jump and duck. Is it even worth it any more?? We don't get to see each other, we don't get to talk, the only good thing about this (right now anyway) is that it gets guys to stop talking to me (which I'm loving btw. People finally started leaving me alone). I love Jeremy but it's just too hard... And those of you who know me, know that I like a challenge but hate to work hard. So I'm a contradiction in human form. We discussed the idea of relaxing our definition of relationship and maybe even dropping the title completely but we haven't yet come up with a solution... although I wouldn't be surprised if we broke up after this since I was kinda unreasonable (for which I still blame my female/PMS status).... who am I kidding?? I was a flat out B*TCH to him. I complained about how I don't get to talk to him that much and how I'm feeling like he isn't in it anymore.... I know I shouldn't have because he can't control when his phone battery dies and when he'll have time to talk to me and stuff... but still, even I'm entitled to a little attention right?? UGH bottom line... Be careful when you get mad because you never know when you'll be able to make it right again. Jeremy, I'm sorry!!!
In other news, I've been studying for GREs every day for an hour and so far I have learned the definitions of 232 frequently seen vocab words in the GREs (and how to use them in a sentence). Whoo hooo..... 568 words to go.... and then the math section. I can't really study how to write an essay since the topic is different every time and I have no way of knowing how those are graded. So I'm pretty much screwed... wait no... I'm... yea screwed would be a good way to look at it. This is just NOT my year. I'm gonna die. I think I need to drop 2/3 of breakbeats' practices since I just don't think I will have the energy for it. Although, if I'm not going 100% I may as well not go at all. What do you think?? All or nothing, or, do what I can do?? Personally I say all or nothing this semester and then see what happens next semester. But I'll leave that for you to help me with. Anyway, I have to get going to work... Half day today :/ And it's raining :\ Oh well. Update more soon. Until then... Laters!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I can't sleep
Not when I have something this good on my mind. I just had a conversation with Jeremy and it was a deep one at that. Here's what I learned:
I've always thought of my relationships as matches lighting a candle. Each guy gives me a match to light my candle. When I flirt, I'm striking a match. But you all who have played with matches knows that matches burn fast and you have to light what ever it is you're trying to light fast before the match burns out. Well that's always been the case. Sometimes I get into a relationship (aka light the candle) fast or the match (aka flirting) dies out and the candle never gets lit. Each guy only gets to give me one match to attempt to light the candle. Once the candle gets blown out by either of us, it's out. You can't relight a candle with a used match. Well, Jeremy was never really a player by the rules. He didn't hand me a match when we met, he gave me a lighter. I lit it and let it burn for a while infatuated with the idea that I didn't have to rush to get it to the candle. I could let it burn a lot longer than I could a match. So I did. I let it burn before I decided to release the trigger and let the flame go out. I hadn't realized it at the time but I used that same lighter to light the candle that now glows so brightly in my heart. This element of fire has used spirit to survive all the other elements that have been thrown at it. First was water from all the tears we cried together. Then was wind from the harsh words we said to each other that we didn't mean. Lastly was earth that grounded us so far from one another that we thought that the candle had gone out completely. I gave it time to find its strength and now I've learned even more. I'm not afraid to let the candle go out because I know that I'll always have the lighter to relight it.
I've always seen relationships as the element of fire because without anything to burn, it can easily be blown out. At the same time, given too much freedom it will ruin everything it touches. But given the right amount of fuel it can provide needed light and warmth to those who possess it. My candle has dimmed and brightened tonight. In the past it has gone out and been relit by Jeremy. Whether it flickers constantly or continues to be relit by the same lighter, I know it at least has the option to be relit. And that has never made me feel so confident in my entire life about a relationship or about me in general.
Thanks to the House of Night novels (yes I finished Burned in less than two days):
There is no such thing as destiny or meant-to-be. The choices we make today will change what will happen tomorrow. The future of my candle is as fluid as the water that puts it out, as delicate as the flame that dances on it when the wind blows through it, and as protected as it can be with the spirit and earth surrounding it. But regardless of what I choose, there will always be a balance of good and bad. It just depends on which I choose to see as the main consequence of my choice. Will the relighting of my candle be good because it's relit; or will it be bad because it cannot be lit by a new flame? Either way, I chose to relight it, and that has changed my future :)
I'll figure it out when I decide to understand it. Until then... Laters!
I've always thought of my relationships as matches lighting a candle. Each guy gives me a match to light my candle. When I flirt, I'm striking a match. But you all who have played with matches knows that matches burn fast and you have to light what ever it is you're trying to light fast before the match burns out. Well that's always been the case. Sometimes I get into a relationship (aka light the candle) fast or the match (aka flirting) dies out and the candle never gets lit. Each guy only gets to give me one match to attempt to light the candle. Once the candle gets blown out by either of us, it's out. You can't relight a candle with a used match. Well, Jeremy was never really a player by the rules. He didn't hand me a match when we met, he gave me a lighter. I lit it and let it burn for a while infatuated with the idea that I didn't have to rush to get it to the candle. I could let it burn a lot longer than I could a match. So I did. I let it burn before I decided to release the trigger and let the flame go out. I hadn't realized it at the time but I used that same lighter to light the candle that now glows so brightly in my heart. This element of fire has used spirit to survive all the other elements that have been thrown at it. First was water from all the tears we cried together. Then was wind from the harsh words we said to each other that we didn't mean. Lastly was earth that grounded us so far from one another that we thought that the candle had gone out completely. I gave it time to find its strength and now I've learned even more. I'm not afraid to let the candle go out because I know that I'll always have the lighter to relight it.
I've always seen relationships as the element of fire because without anything to burn, it can easily be blown out. At the same time, given too much freedom it will ruin everything it touches. But given the right amount of fuel it can provide needed light and warmth to those who possess it. My candle has dimmed and brightened tonight. In the past it has gone out and been relit by Jeremy. Whether it flickers constantly or continues to be relit by the same lighter, I know it at least has the option to be relit. And that has never made me feel so confident in my entire life about a relationship or about me in general.
Thanks to the House of Night novels (yes I finished Burned in less than two days):
There is no such thing as destiny or meant-to-be. The choices we make today will change what will happen tomorrow. The future of my candle is as fluid as the water that puts it out, as delicate as the flame that dances on it when the wind blows through it, and as protected as it can be with the spirit and earth surrounding it. But regardless of what I choose, there will always be a balance of good and bad. It just depends on which I choose to see as the main consequence of my choice. Will the relighting of my candle be good because it's relit; or will it be bad because it cannot be lit by a new flame? Either way, I chose to relight it, and that has changed my future :)
I'll figure it out when I decide to understand it. Until then... Laters!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
welcome back
Sigh. I guess it's time to update the blog. I've been holding off until grades came out but apparently Skidmore decided to lie to me and NOT post grades a week after school ended. Anyway... I haven't really had anything special happen to me lately. Well, not since the last post anyway. I've just been reading (A LOT), studying for GREs (A LOT), and working (not so much). There just isn't enough for me to do at work. I saw the amount of reading I'm gonna have to do for Conflict Resolution.... Shoot me, shoot me NOW!!!! There's a whole brick plus 7 books. I ordered two of the books off amazon since they were cheaper than at the SkidShop and one came in already. I started reading it and lemme tell you.... it is BO-RING. It's about how mediation came to be a field. I got through half of chapter one and was like I'm gonna fail this class. I can't even get through one reading when I have nothing better to do. When I have better things to do (like work on my senior sem project :D) how am I gonna focus on this boring book (or any of the boring readings I may have to read)?!?! Man-o-man. I can't wait to start working on my senior sem project. I've been working with two data sets this summer and I'm not gonna lie, I'm SO stoked for both of them. One has a little over a half a million cases while the other has a little over 500..... Jee I wonder which data set I'm working with lol. But I get to watch the latter of the two grow and I get to collect data as well as analyze and put them into SPSS. This is like primary data I'm working with!!! I'm pretty sure everyone else is working with secondary data for their project so that's why I'm going with the secondary data, plus there's more to work with. So let me tell you about it...
It's data about inmates in the U.S. Basically it tells me their basic demographics, what kind of crime they committed, how long their sentence length is, and who has gone to jail or prison before. I've been playing around with it for a little bit and I gotta tell you.... there are a handful of people who have committed a murder and are in prison for less than a year!!!! How scary is that?! OK granted most of my crime knowledge is coming from 10 seasons of CSI... but still, if someone I loved was murdered, I'd want the murderer behind bars a lot longer than a year. Another "fun" yet so not surprising fact: Drug possession and trafficking are the two most frequent, non-violent crimes people go to prison for. Go America.... I can't wait until I get to pick a topic and start formulating a presentation for this seminar. I'm already inspired. I'm learning lots of new terminologies for this data set.... like differences between jail and prison, murder and manslaughter, burglary and robbery.... you know, stuff like that. It makes you really wonder about the safety of your home while you sleep. It's even scarier when you do what I do: work with the data set and then watch either Pretty Little Liars or CSI alone with the lights off.... remind me why I do this to myself again...?? My upstairs neighbors like to freak me out because they're three guys living together and know I get scared easily. One walks super heavily above my bedroom and then one of his roommates knock on my door randomly. They're super fun to hang out with during the day when I don't have to work, but they're mean to me at night :P
My supervisor, Joe from Res Life, and scary Alyssa took me to lunch yesterday. They're a fun crew to hang out with but I feel weird being like 5-9 years younger than them and eating lunch at pizza hut together . I want friends to hang out with!!! Maria, hurry up and get your butt to Skidmore so we can have our wine and oregano date :D I'm off from work for the weekend so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a great weekend of reading my oh so wonderful mediation book... My reward for finishing this book will be starting Burned :) I finished Tempted today and I'm incredibly stunned by what happened. I can't wait to start my next pleasure book!!!! And then after that one I get to work my way through the next series.... aka Pretty Little Liars ;) I wanna know what happens next in the tv series and I figured I could read the books to find out.... but I have a lot to get through before I can start those books. LAME! Oh well, at least it's something for me to do for the next two weeks.... I say two weeks because in three.... I START SCHOOL!!!! WHOOOOO HOOOOOO I'M A SENIOR AND I CANNOT WAIT TO GRADUATE IN 9 SHORT MONTHS!!!!!!
Ok now that that's out of my system.... I'm done for a while. Nothing really interesting is happening. I'll let you know about my Psych grade when it comes out :D Until then... Laters!
It's data about inmates in the U.S. Basically it tells me their basic demographics, what kind of crime they committed, how long their sentence length is, and who has gone to jail or prison before. I've been playing around with it for a little bit and I gotta tell you.... there are a handful of people who have committed a murder and are in prison for less than a year!!!! How scary is that?! OK granted most of my crime knowledge is coming from 10 seasons of CSI... but still, if someone I loved was murdered, I'd want the murderer behind bars a lot longer than a year. Another "fun" yet so not surprising fact: Drug possession and trafficking are the two most frequent, non-violent crimes people go to prison for. Go America.... I can't wait until I get to pick a topic and start formulating a presentation for this seminar. I'm already inspired. I'm learning lots of new terminologies for this data set.... like differences between jail and prison, murder and manslaughter, burglary and robbery.... you know, stuff like that. It makes you really wonder about the safety of your home while you sleep. It's even scarier when you do what I do: work with the data set and then watch either Pretty Little Liars or CSI alone with the lights off.... remind me why I do this to myself again...?? My upstairs neighbors like to freak me out because they're three guys living together and know I get scared easily. One walks super heavily above my bedroom and then one of his roommates knock on my door randomly. They're super fun to hang out with during the day when I don't have to work, but they're mean to me at night :P
My supervisor, Joe from Res Life, and scary Alyssa took me to lunch yesterday. They're a fun crew to hang out with but I feel weird being like 5-9 years younger than them and eating lunch at pizza hut together . I want friends to hang out with!!! Maria, hurry up and get your butt to Skidmore so we can have our wine and oregano date :D I'm off from work for the weekend so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a great weekend of reading my oh so wonderful mediation book... My reward for finishing this book will be starting Burned :) I finished Tempted today and I'm incredibly stunned by what happened. I can't wait to start my next pleasure book!!!! And then after that one I get to work my way through the next series.... aka Pretty Little Liars ;) I wanna know what happens next in the tv series and I figured I could read the books to find out.... but I have a lot to get through before I can start those books. LAME! Oh well, at least it's something for me to do for the next two weeks.... I say two weeks because in three.... I START SCHOOL!!!! WHOOOOO HOOOOOO I'M A SENIOR AND I CANNOT WAIT TO GRADUATE IN 9 SHORT MONTHS!!!!!!
Ok now that that's out of my system.... I'm done for a while. Nothing really interesting is happening. I'll let you know about my Psych grade when it comes out :D Until then... Laters!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
KARMA HATES ME!!!!!
OMG fine! You win!! Every time I try to separate myself from my parents, something bad happens. When I get into a fight with them, when I travel without them, when I do something that either of them disapproves of.... the list goes on. Basically if I'm not the daughter that they want me to be, something bad happens. Karma should be renamed My Parents.
Last night I got mad at my mom because she was telling me something I didn't want to hear. Whether I needed to hear it or not, I have yet to decide. So yea, I blew up at her. Most daughters do that all the time when they're in high school, but I didn't; I ALWAYS kept my comments to myself because I was always afraid she would get mad at me and I hate when my mom and I don't have a peaceful atmosphere around us. So the solution is simple: keep your comments to yourself=keep the peace. This was one of the few times we actually have a full blown disagreement and I got openly mad at her, and of course, crap starts to happen to me.
This morning I heard a noise in some plastic bags. I thought maybe the wind is moving them. It was 5am so of course I'm disoriented. I fall back asleep. Then I hear a thud from upstairs and think "oh those guys again" but I was more awake this time. I hear more plastic bags rustling and decide to check it out. I open my closet, nothing, I go lie down in bed. I see something move from my closet to my window, climb up my curtain, and scamper across my books.... it's a mouse. HOW THE HELL DID A MOUSE GET INTO MY APARTMENT?! I freak out of course because I don't know what to do. So I grab a bag and try to catch it. I screamed twice cuz it first jumped at me, and then ran toward my feet on the ground. I eventually manage to chase it out of my apartment. I don't know where it is in relation to the rest of the house (since I'm in a basement apartment) but I know it left my living room and went out into the stair area that leads outside. I come back into my room to vacuum just in case it left any "presents" in my room, and find fungus. Yes, that's right. All those times my apartment flooded, apparently the floor didn't dry well because my apartment is always so humid. The floor always feels sticky and has always felt sticky. If I lie down on the carpet to do my homework or something I always get up feeling damp. That's just how the apartment has always felt. But low and behold I'm growing fungus through my carpet. I called my landlord (sorry for the 6am wake up call but this is an emergency!) and he said he'd be down before 8:30 to take a look. I have to leave for school at 8:45 but I trust him in my apartment without me there; he's a good guy.
So there you have it. Less than 12 hours ago I was writing my mom an angry email and feeling frustrated. Now I have a major headache and I'm pretty sure my stress level went from a 5 on the Chelsey Scale to a 9.8.... now if you compare my scale to a normal person's scale.... I went from a 10 to a 20 on a scale of 1-10. You know what?? I surrender. Karma, you win! I'm sorry I ever doubted my parents' decisions. I'm meant to be the daughter I was in high school. Doing everything because everyone expects me to do it. I'm applying to Disney in Florida. That's that. No more stress about it.
I, Chelsey, am applying to Disney World's Disney College Program for the fall semester of 2011.
It's in writing for everyone to see. The next time I question it.... SOMEONE PLEASE REMIND ME OF THIS BLOG ENTRY AND I'LL GLADLY STOP B*T*HING ABOUT IT.
Skid Kidz.... F*** it!! Call me what you want. I don't care anymore. Give me the judgmental stares of "You're how old?? and you want to do what??" I rather have my parents think I'm the girl I was when I left for college than have you think I'm the girl I was when I got there. It's not like I'm keeping in touch with any of you when I leave... I don't even keep in touch with you when I'm not on campus. So judge all you want. Just don't talk to me because "you heard I'm a Disney Freak."
Mom, I'm sorry for getting mad at you but there's just more to the frustration than I led you to believe. That's what I do, I avoid confrontation and find other excuses so that it seems like I'm doing it for other reasons. I don't know why I do it.
J, K, and the other girls I asked about this problem, thanks for the advice but I don't think I'm ever going against the crowd ever again... I'm doing what everyone else wants me to do because... well... honestly, it's just safer for my health. Avoid going against the crowd=avoid stressing so much. See you in class!
Jeremy, take care of yourself!! Sorry you're so sick on the first few days back in the country :/ Nice welcome home present huh?? I love you so much.
Everyone else, sorry for the schizo ness of these last few blogs. I'm just giving into my natural personality.... I'm a 4.5 out of 5 in the neuroticism category of my personality test you know. Also studies have shown that neurotic people prefer to stress before an event because they feel that it will benefit them in the overall outcome.... aren't you glad I'm taking a psych course this summer??? So to recap... I'm doing Disney in Florida; I am still applying to UPS but should I get accepted to both, I will have to defer to the next semester; I will never disagree with my parents ever again and if I don't like what they're saying, I'll keep my mouth shut like I have in the past; I am going to try my hardest to stop being so self conscious about what the Skid Kidz say about me (I mean, I named them Skid Kidz for a reason....); and I will act like I hyped up on Serotonin, Endorphins, and Dopamine to be the happiest, highest, drunk-sounding person in the world (I'll have to act like that when I work for Disney won't I??) I'll keep writing, if you keep reading! Until then... Laters.
Last night I got mad at my mom because she was telling me something I didn't want to hear. Whether I needed to hear it or not, I have yet to decide. So yea, I blew up at her. Most daughters do that all the time when they're in high school, but I didn't; I ALWAYS kept my comments to myself because I was always afraid she would get mad at me and I hate when my mom and I don't have a peaceful atmosphere around us. So the solution is simple: keep your comments to yourself=keep the peace. This was one of the few times we actually have a full blown disagreement and I got openly mad at her, and of course, crap starts to happen to me.
This morning I heard a noise in some plastic bags. I thought maybe the wind is moving them. It was 5am so of course I'm disoriented. I fall back asleep. Then I hear a thud from upstairs and think "oh those guys again" but I was more awake this time. I hear more plastic bags rustling and decide to check it out. I open my closet, nothing, I go lie down in bed. I see something move from my closet to my window, climb up my curtain, and scamper across my books.... it's a mouse. HOW THE HELL DID A MOUSE GET INTO MY APARTMENT?! I freak out of course because I don't know what to do. So I grab a bag and try to catch it. I screamed twice cuz it first jumped at me, and then ran toward my feet on the ground. I eventually manage to chase it out of my apartment. I don't know where it is in relation to the rest of the house (since I'm in a basement apartment) but I know it left my living room and went out into the stair area that leads outside. I come back into my room to vacuum just in case it left any "presents" in my room, and find fungus. Yes, that's right. All those times my apartment flooded, apparently the floor didn't dry well because my apartment is always so humid. The floor always feels sticky and has always felt sticky. If I lie down on the carpet to do my homework or something I always get up feeling damp. That's just how the apartment has always felt. But low and behold I'm growing fungus through my carpet. I called my landlord (sorry for the 6am wake up call but this is an emergency!) and he said he'd be down before 8:30 to take a look. I have to leave for school at 8:45 but I trust him in my apartment without me there; he's a good guy.
So there you have it. Less than 12 hours ago I was writing my mom an angry email and feeling frustrated. Now I have a major headache and I'm pretty sure my stress level went from a 5 on the Chelsey Scale to a 9.8.... now if you compare my scale to a normal person's scale.... I went from a 10 to a 20 on a scale of 1-10. You know what?? I surrender. Karma, you win! I'm sorry I ever doubted my parents' decisions. I'm meant to be the daughter I was in high school. Doing everything because everyone expects me to do it. I'm applying to Disney in Florida. That's that. No more stress about it.
I, Chelsey, am applying to Disney World's Disney College Program for the fall semester of 2011.
It's in writing for everyone to see. The next time I question it.... SOMEONE PLEASE REMIND ME OF THIS BLOG ENTRY AND I'LL GLADLY STOP B*T*HING ABOUT IT.
Skid Kidz.... F*** it!! Call me what you want. I don't care anymore. Give me the judgmental stares of "You're how old?? and you want to do what??" I rather have my parents think I'm the girl I was when I left for college than have you think I'm the girl I was when I got there. It's not like I'm keeping in touch with any of you when I leave... I don't even keep in touch with you when I'm not on campus. So judge all you want. Just don't talk to me because "you heard I'm a Disney Freak."
Mom, I'm sorry for getting mad at you but there's just more to the frustration than I led you to believe. That's what I do, I avoid confrontation and find other excuses so that it seems like I'm doing it for other reasons. I don't know why I do it.
J, K, and the other girls I asked about this problem, thanks for the advice but I don't think I'm ever going against the crowd ever again... I'm doing what everyone else wants me to do because... well... honestly, it's just safer for my health. Avoid going against the crowd=avoid stressing so much. See you in class!
Jeremy, take care of yourself!! Sorry you're so sick on the first few days back in the country :/ Nice welcome home present huh?? I love you so much.
Everyone else, sorry for the schizo ness of these last few blogs. I'm just giving into my natural personality.... I'm a 4.5 out of 5 in the neuroticism category of my personality test you know. Also studies have shown that neurotic people prefer to stress before an event because they feel that it will benefit them in the overall outcome.... aren't you glad I'm taking a psych course this summer??? So to recap... I'm doing Disney in Florida; I am still applying to UPS but should I get accepted to both, I will have to defer to the next semester; I will never disagree with my parents ever again and if I don't like what they're saying, I'll keep my mouth shut like I have in the past; I am going to try my hardest to stop being so self conscious about what the Skid Kidz say about me (I mean, I named them Skid Kidz for a reason....); and I will act like I hyped up on Serotonin, Endorphins, and Dopamine to be the happiest, highest, drunk-sounding person in the world (I'll have to act like that when I work for Disney won't I??) I'll keep writing, if you keep reading! Until then... Laters.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
