I'm growing up!

Disclaimer: if you are not a woman you may not want to read this first part. Scroll down and look for the part that says EVERYONE.
I had my first GYN exam. It was so awkward. I hate people looking at me "there" if you know what I mean. It's just weird and I don't know why I'm so weirded out by it but I am. So I basically freaked out about the whole thing the entire time I was waiting to go in and then I continued to freak out until the nurse told me what she was going to do. I must've looked freaked because she talked to me the entire time until she was done. She explained everything she was gonna do and then she said it again while she was doing it and then a third time after she was done. I felt a lot better when it was done because I didn't realize that it was so simple. She did a breast exam on me too. I had never had that done to me. Usually I do it to myself because that's what we're constantly told at condom carnivals and what not (yes Skidmore has condom carnivals where they teach you all about the importance of birth control, healthy sex habits, etc. It's actually really informative and it makes sex seem like not such a taboo act. It also promotes self examinations for both girls and guys as well as knowledge about STI's. It's basically a fun day where you learn a lot AND get free condoms by the bag-full). So I self-examine about once a month. But to have someone else do it for me was just weird. I think I have personal space/touching issues. If it's not someone I have romantic feelings for, I just can't be comfortable with them seeing me or touching me when I'm naked. But I got through it and now I don't have to worry about it until next April before I graduate :)

EVERYONE:
Ok so here's where you can read if you didn't wanna read about my "experience" above :P
I got a 95 on my paper for Theory!!! Prof. said that I got the highest grade in the class on that paper and asked if he could publish it onto his class website! I felt so freaking honored!!! This was the paper that I busted my butt over when I had a fever and couldn't get stop shivering. Unfortunately I don't think I can get a grade like that ever again... it was nice while it lasted. Also my Stats presentation on Oregon was incredible!!!! I got all dressed up and felt really comfortable talking in front of everyone. I got a lot of praises for that and it made me feel really great about it. I think I may actually be doing well in Sociology again :) Which is amazing seeing as it's my major. I can't wait for Senior Sem to kick my ass next semester :P

I titled this I'm growing up. Partially because of the incidents above and partly because I'm going to pick up my APARTMENT KEYS tomorrow :D I will be living on my own, off-campus, in a different town, and paying rent (probably with Mommy and Daddy's help). I have a landlord!!!! So exciting :) OK I know it's not that big of a deal but I mean c'mon, I don't do anything by myself. I live in a dorm as a Junior, I live with my parents in the room that I grew up in when I got home, and all the other times I'm somewhere else I'm with a family member that can take care of me. I'm rarely ON MY OWN. I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda freaked about the whole thing. I mean what will I do in my spare time if I'm not with anyone?? I have class to worry about for summer school and I will work during the afternoon and night times as well as weekends but I mean when I have a day off, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

I'm also getting braces again. I've been going to the ortho for my preliminary exams and what not so that they know what they need to do. Then in July I will get my braces on and they'll be off by February (hopefully). I just cant wait until my teeth are fixed because they are driving me INSANE!! I have been taking care of those appointments on my own this whole time which kinda weirds me out because I'm doing it and not my mom. She usually handles all my scheduling stuff. When did I become this independent of her?! It's a scary thought.

I'm taking care of my plants and they're growing nicely. I freaked out yesterday because it looked like they were dying but this morning they were standing straight up and their leaves were open again. I'm not sure why they did that but they scared me. I repotted them and gave them plenty of water. I even took them outside to get direct sunlight and read to them at night so that they could take in all the CO2 they needed. But I went to sleep worried that they were gonna die before they got to really live. I know.... I'm bizarre. I prefer to think of it as Maternally Mature :) Jeremy says that I'll make a great mother one day. Honestly, I don't think I will. I worry too much and I think I will be too strict and over-protective of my kids :/ I already know that I'm gonna be the strict parent and who ever the dad is will be the fun parent. It's a reality I have come to accept.

On a side note: Jeremy and I were joking around about kids and I said that because of his crazy stories I would never have kids with him (relax... we were just joking around. I'm no where near ready to consider having kids with anyone yet. It's just fun to envision what it would be like). The conversation went something like this:
Me: You're crazy! I can't have kids with you... They'll end up killing me because I would worry about them so much. I can just imagine having a girl who's like me and a boy who's like you.
J: Oh yea? How would that work out?
Me: The boy would do something bad and the girl would say "oohhhhh Mom's gonna kill you if she finds out!"
J: yea but then the boy would say "well Mom will kill me but Dad will high five me!"

I nearly died laughing at that! Because it's actually really true. I'd kill my son and then go after him for encouraging that kind of behavior. But it was good fun and I'm learning to lighten up... kinda. I mean if he can manage to stay alive for almost 22 years, with no grade in his ENTIRE life below an A- let alone an 86% (I think that's what your most recent grade was. If not lemme know so I can fix it), and have fun while doing it, then I guess he wouldn't be such a bad guy to have kids with :) Xx J3!! Can't wait to see you in 22 days!

So back to my I'm growing up thought.... There were more incidents that lead me to believe that I was growing up.... None of which I can really disclose on the internet because I think some people may kill me for it. But if you wanna know feel free to ask me via aim/msn/skype and I'll see what I can tell you depending on who you are. Here are the count downs:
1 day until Fun Day
4 days until classes end
10 days until finals week starts
10 days until my final paper for Theory is due
11 days until my exam for anthro is due
13 days until my exam for Stats takes place
14 days until I go home
22 days until I go to California
25 days until I turn 21 :)

That's all for now. I'm off to go riding for the last time this semester and I will be sure to update you on how things turn out for me. If not week by week it'll be twice a month or so. Thanks for staying with me through my rough semester. Until then.... Laters!

Finally

Time to catch my breath. I've been going non-stop since last week. Here are some highlights:

I hosted four prospective students. One was through discovery tour but the other three were just random for accepted students/admissions days. (I actually have one in my room as I type this out :D) I love hosting! It's nice to be there for them when they're trying to make such a difficult decision. So far I've loved them all (the discovery tour girl kinda pushed my limits and tested my boundaries of tolerance but I got free bowling out of it so that was fun). I get so lonely in my single so it's nice to be able to share my room again.

My work load has lightened up significantly. I have to work on my reading for Anthro (I'm only half way through the book and we're supposed to be done). I have to keep working on my presentation for Stats. I am presenting on the state of Oregon. I am looking at Poverty levels as my dependent variable and 4 independent variables: College graduate, female head of household, density, and occupation in agriculture. Surprisingly the only two that have statistical significance (which means that there is a relationship) is female head of household and occupation in agriculture. So if you come across a household that is female headed with no spouse present and she works in some agricultural occupation, you can expect that her chances of being below the poverty line are incredibly high! If you graduated from college it doesn't mean that you'll be above the poverty line... there's just no statistical evidence of it. And it doesn't matter how densely populated your county is, you have just as much of a chance of being below the poverty level as the rest of the state.... WOW I'm a nerd. But hey my presentation is on Monday and I've been working on it for the last two days. I'm actually pretty excited about this presentation. It will mark the last assignment I have to do before the final.

I have to start working on my Education Curriculum project. I'm working with Mike P., Mike B., and Alex. Go figure I'm the only chick in that group. I'm also the only one who bothers to take notes and email everyone to make sure we're on top of things (again go figure). We decided to do a multi elementary grade circus. AKA everyone comes together to put on a great show for their parents at the end of the year. They get to pretend to be part of a circus. An example that we came up with to explain things is that the second graders could be lion tamers while the kindergarteners get to be the lions. Get the picture?? It's pretty exciting to be planning. Although I'm not entirely sure what the point of our project is in terms of education. I get to be the guidance counselor though :D I would have preferred to work with troubled middle schoolers but hey you can't have it all right?

I am currently learning how to glowstick so that Nick and I can do it for breakbeats next year. I managed to bruise every knuckle on my left hand as well as give myself rope burns on my wrists. I'm pretty sure I have hidden bruises on my chest and legs since I hit myself multiple times. But it's all fun in any case. Jeremy wants me to try spinning poi/fire..... um YEA RIGHT!!!!! I can't even spin glowsticks! It's a different technique and apparently spinning poi is about 500 times harder to learn. And let's not even get me started on the fire thing! I will literally die if I try that. I will probably have to go to the hospital if I so much as attempt to spin fire.... Sorry sweetie. No fire for me!

This week:
I have one more prosby coming tomorrow and I'm taking her to see Oceans along with Jen and Lei. Then on Friday I have breakbeats team bonding. We're going rock climbing for 2-3 hours and then dinner. Probably hanging out later at hick A cuz that's the place we designated as the party house for our team :P Then on Saturday I have to fake hula for the ACA dinner. Not sure how that will go but I'll def let you know. I have an all too busy weekend coming up for me but after this is done.... NOTHING UNTIL FINALS!!! How scary is that?! In dance we started preparing for the final exam and that scares the hell out of me! I hate being tested in dance. This is why I don't go for auditions!!!! I just dance for fun. Oh well. Can't have it my way all the time.

Anyway that's all the updates I have for you for now. Oh yea! Only one month left until I get to be with Jeremy :) So excited! I have 2 weeks until the end of classes and 3 until finals. Then I go home for a week and then it's off to California for A LOT of fun :D The semester if finally finishing! I can't believe how long it felt but it's finally almost over. I'll be sure to update you on EVERYTHING that goes on in this crazy time since I know there is only more drama to come. Until then... Laters!

Hello April

This month is insanely busy. It started with body aches. Then I had to work at regionals for equestrian on April 3rd. This is when I really started to feel sick and lost my voice. Then I had chills and a fever and a paper due all in the same week. I was ready to die by Tuesday April 6th. My paper was due Friday, I was hosting a prosby on Thursday. Also on Thursday was Junior bowling night as well as breakbeats practices. This was not helping my flu-like symptoms at all. My prosby loved it at Skidmore though :) Friday I went riding and felt better. Then Saturday and Sunday I took the whole weekend to get better. I thought I was completely better until my gums started bleeding and my fever came back. Now I'm finishing up my education paper and I just turned in my Stats assignment. So basically this week is almost done and I'm not really feeling much better than I was feeling last week. I had a fever last night and I'm hosting tomorrow night. On Friday I am performing in the Rithmos show and the Northwoods drawing is coming up on Friday so hopefully Raisa, Maria, Cayenne, and I get the apartment we want. Next week I have nothing on my calendar aside from normal classes. The following week after that is when my final project is due for Stats and my curriculum sharing project is due for education. And that's the end of April.. Man time goes by so quickly. April is always a busy month and it's such a scary idea that the year is almost over.

One of the only things that's keeping me from going completely insane is all the text messages from Jeremy. He keeps me smiling and prevents me from worrying about anything that isn't immediately important. There's only a few more weeks until I get to see him :D He makes me so twitterpated. The things we talk about make me feel really certain about life. I can't think about him without either smiling or feeling like I'm invincible. I haven't been this optimistic since the Fab 5 was established. I can't wait until I get to see him :)

Next week I don't really have anything and therefore will not be logging on here much. Hopefully something interesting will occur so that I can update you. If not then you will have to wait until next month.... Until then... Laters!

it's all fun and games....

... until someone gets hurt.

It's been a long week and a half for me. I feel like I haven't updated in a month when it's only been 11 days. I have gone from emotional heaven to emotional hell in the span of two days and then went through the cycle about 5 more times. Here's what the highlights and lowlights of my week have been.

Highlights (in no particular order)---
Got a 91 on my Theory paper which averages my final grade to about an 87% which is not too bad (not great or what I want but not awful).
I continued to talk to Jeremy and he has helped me not kill myself over all my ridiculous work.
I received my certification for Mediation and can now go on to my apprenticeship. I also made new friends from training.
I found a place to live for the summer and have already secured it.

Lowlights (again, in no particular order)---
I failed my Anthro midterm. Basically 30% of my grade is out the window and if I don't get a solid A on my final I fail the course.
I am incredibly sick. I had a temperature close to feverish yesterday morning and had chills all day. My entire body felt like it had bruises and I honestly thought I was going to pass out in the middle of the day. I fell asleep at 8pm and was continuously woken up by text messages reminding me that I had obligations to fulfill within the next few days. I cannot swallow because every time I do my throat feels like it's on fire. Tea hurts to drink. It's a struggle to get out of bed in the morning.
Andrew came back into my life again. We've been fighting every night which results in me crying every night. He refuses to leave me alone and threatens to show up at my door. I feel like if I don't talk to him I will not be able to live peacefully. I don't like having to choose between being sane or being happy. He has seriously crossed the line this time and I want to erase him from my life. I wish we had never gone out because it has only caused me drama for the last three years. SERIOUSLY ANDREW, GET THE F*** OUT OF MY LIFE!!
It's currently April 1st and there are a million things on my calendar for this month. Five assignments, a horse show (good bye Saturday), registration (Skidmore, please don't screw me over again), res life drawing (Skidmore, please don't screw me, Raisa, Maria, and Cayenne over), and did I mention the Rithmos show that Breakbeats is doing? Yea talk about an FML story. We aren't prepared for the show and I don't think I can manage all of this unless I lower my goal of being a good daughter and student and just be an acceptable daughter and student. Forget about being a good friend (who needs those when all they do is take up study time), forget about having a social life (isn't that what extra-curricular teams are for), forget about forcing myself to eat 3 meals a day because that takes 3 hours out of my schedule that I should be working on raising my grade for Anthro, Stats, AND Theory.

New Goals:
At the beginning of the year I promised myself I would stay on the honor role. That's not a possibility right now because I'm struggling to keep my head up above the surface of my work. I thought I was effortlessly swimming against the current but apparently I'm working my ass off just to breathe. I can't reach my goal of "no grade lower than an A- this semester." I'm working on no grade lower than a C. I'm at a C average right now. My GPA is in danger of taking a tremendous dive into hell. So here's to a new goal: Pass all classes this semester. Forget about points and averages. JUST PASS.
The next goal that I have just set for myself (since the guy fast didn't work) is from this moment on, no more friend-time. I cannot afford to hang out with anyone anymore because I'm physically exhausted every weekend from the week and hanging out in the Spa until it's 2am is getting me sick. I can't afford to go out to any more team bonding activities because it's taking away from my time to study... and that's being reflected in my grades. This semester is being way too emotionally draining and I don't think I can handle it any more. All unnecessary drama must be cut off! No more friends, no more hanging out, no more drama. I just can't afford it. School, Dance, Riding, and Apprenticeship. Those are the only things in my life I can afford to focus on right now.

So far I think that's all I have to share with you. I'll try to continue eating every day but honestly it's just getting too time consuming. I can't deal with all the stress that comes with going to dinner or to lunch. Breakfast I have no problem getting to (except when I'm sick because sometimes I want that extra hour to sleep in). I'll try to update you as time goes on but unless it's extremely bad or extremely good news, I don't find it logical to keep updating my blog. Stress has taken me three steps back when I moved forward only one. Until then... Laters.