it's all fun and games....

... until someone gets hurt.

It's been a long week and a half for me. I feel like I haven't updated in a month when it's only been 11 days. I have gone from emotional heaven to emotional hell in the span of two days and then went through the cycle about 5 more times. Here's what the highlights and lowlights of my week have been.

Highlights (in no particular order)---
Got a 91 on my Theory paper which averages my final grade to about an 87% which is not too bad (not great or what I want but not awful).
I continued to talk to Jeremy and he has helped me not kill myself over all my ridiculous work.
I received my certification for Mediation and can now go on to my apprenticeship. I also made new friends from training.
I found a place to live for the summer and have already secured it.

Lowlights (again, in no particular order)---
I failed my Anthro midterm. Basically 30% of my grade is out the window and if I don't get a solid A on my final I fail the course.
I am incredibly sick. I had a temperature close to feverish yesterday morning and had chills all day. My entire body felt like it had bruises and I honestly thought I was going to pass out in the middle of the day. I fell asleep at 8pm and was continuously woken up by text messages reminding me that I had obligations to fulfill within the next few days. I cannot swallow because every time I do my throat feels like it's on fire. Tea hurts to drink. It's a struggle to get out of bed in the morning.
Andrew came back into my life again. We've been fighting every night which results in me crying every night. He refuses to leave me alone and threatens to show up at my door. I feel like if I don't talk to him I will not be able to live peacefully. I don't like having to choose between being sane or being happy. He has seriously crossed the line this time and I want to erase him from my life. I wish we had never gone out because it has only caused me drama for the last three years. SERIOUSLY ANDREW, GET THE F*** OUT OF MY LIFE!!
It's currently April 1st and there are a million things on my calendar for this month. Five assignments, a horse show (good bye Saturday), registration (Skidmore, please don't screw me over again), res life drawing (Skidmore, please don't screw me, Raisa, Maria, and Cayenne over), and did I mention the Rithmos show that Breakbeats is doing? Yea talk about an FML story. We aren't prepared for the show and I don't think I can manage all of this unless I lower my goal of being a good daughter and student and just be an acceptable daughter and student. Forget about being a good friend (who needs those when all they do is take up study time), forget about having a social life (isn't that what extra-curricular teams are for), forget about forcing myself to eat 3 meals a day because that takes 3 hours out of my schedule that I should be working on raising my grade for Anthro, Stats, AND Theory.

New Goals:
At the beginning of the year I promised myself I would stay on the honor role. That's not a possibility right now because I'm struggling to keep my head up above the surface of my work. I thought I was effortlessly swimming against the current but apparently I'm working my ass off just to breathe. I can't reach my goal of "no grade lower than an A- this semester." I'm working on no grade lower than a C. I'm at a C average right now. My GPA is in danger of taking a tremendous dive into hell. So here's to a new goal: Pass all classes this semester. Forget about points and averages. JUST PASS.
The next goal that I have just set for myself (since the guy fast didn't work) is from this moment on, no more friend-time. I cannot afford to hang out with anyone anymore because I'm physically exhausted every weekend from the week and hanging out in the Spa until it's 2am is getting me sick. I can't afford to go out to any more team bonding activities because it's taking away from my time to study... and that's being reflected in my grades. This semester is being way too emotionally draining and I don't think I can handle it any more. All unnecessary drama must be cut off! No more friends, no more hanging out, no more drama. I just can't afford it. School, Dance, Riding, and Apprenticeship. Those are the only things in my life I can afford to focus on right now.

So far I think that's all I have to share with you. I'll try to continue eating every day but honestly it's just getting too time consuming. I can't deal with all the stress that comes with going to dinner or to lunch. Breakfast I have no problem getting to (except when I'm sick because sometimes I want that extra hour to sleep in). I'll try to update you as time goes on but unless it's extremely bad or extremely good news, I don't find it logical to keep updating my blog. Stress has taken me three steps back when I moved forward only one. Until then... Laters.