Guess who's in China...

Not meeeeee. Today would be day 4 in Hawaii.  Since my last update, my mom came up to Bend to help me move out of my apartment.  We packed up the car, saw The Butler, drove to San Fransisco for lunch (leaving Bend at 3:50am), and arrived in Mission Viejo around 9pm.  Then in 4 more days we packed up my sister's apartment in San Diego and moved her out. We even got to see Planes.  Then my dad came up to Cali to help my sister move as well.  My mom, dad and I got to Hawaii Sunday night.  I stayed at my grandma's house the first night since it was close to Kahala Mall (yes I finally got my computer fixed). Then Monday night was family dinner night.  I got to see my whole family including my three baby cousins :D I love those kids.  They're so cute and SOOO much fun to play with.  Monday was also Carolyn's birthday and I totally forgot to text her! But I'm making it up now with a shout out to her.  HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY GIRL!!  Then Tuesday night I got to see my friends, Mandi, Leanna, and Isaac.  Winston was supposed to show up but had to work over time.  Carolyn was also planning on coming but she got called into work too.  I'm starting to see a pattern here.  Not sure that I like the real world yet :/ But whatever.  Dinner was so much fun. I missed these people so much! Wednesday night I reunited with another friend.  One of my best guy friends, Nick.  I call him Tony (as in Iron Man Tony Stark). His goal in life is to become Iron Man. My goal in life is to become his assistant Pepper Potts lol. Not really but when I'm with him, I definitely feel like Ms. Potts, so that's what he calls me.  We went to see Elysium and eat dinner/play games at D&B.  Such an epic night.  I beat him at a bunch of the games early on but he beat me later in the night.  Today is Nick's birthday so this is also a shout out to him.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TONY!!  I'm stuck in Hawaii until I get my visa so I'm not sure how long that'll be.  But I plan on making the most of it since I won't be back for a while.  I can't wait to go to China but at the same time I'm glad I'm getting in some family and friends time.  I've definitely missed everyone. I'll update you again soon.  Ideally, I'll be in China at that time. Have a great Labor Day weekend everyone! Until then... Laters.

Finally

Well, I'm not in China yet... but yes I am finally moving forward.  Last week Sunday, I had to say good bye to Jeremy and Tiger.  My heart was (still is a little) broken and since then I have felt like time has gone by so slowly.  I tried to keep majorly busy but getting more done in a day has made my time feel like it's going by even more slowly.  You know that feeling that when you get a week's worth of errands done in a couple of days and all of a sudden it's like hello, it's only Wednesday. FML. Yea that's what I've been struggling with. But enough about the sad parts, let's talk about the happy parts.  On Monday, I met a woman who has given me more information about China than I could have EVER asked for.  She even gave me her Pimsleur Mandarin lessons so that I could learn a few phrases before I go! On Tuesday, I met the group of people who will be working with me (all from Oregon).  That was my most favorite part of the week.  They all left for Jinan on Thursday but I'm still here.  I will be meeting up with them in a week or so.  On Wednesday, I met up with Robbie.  It's been way too long! On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday... Ummmm well you know the usual, good bye parties, bank notifications, packing (oh the packing), and much much more.  I am sooooo nervous that I won't be able to fit everything into my car.  It's amazing how much you can accumulate in just two years of living.  But it will be OK. Mom is on her way here to help me pack up my car.  She's the queen of tetris! If anyone can make it fit, she can.  I've already let go of so many memories and objects that remind me of Jeremy.  I can't bare to say good bye to any more of my things.  I hope that I'll be able to get through this as quick as possible.  I don't want to hurt any more.  I just wish I was on my way already.  In the next week, I will be driving to California with my mom to help my sister move from San Diego to Mission Viejo, flying home for a day (hopefully more), and then flying to China from there.  I can't believe that this is all happening right now.  So much change in such a short amount of time.  I cry every time I walk out of my (formally our) bedroom and see nothing but boxes, suitcases, and empty walls.  It hurts but it's time.  I miss my boys dearly and I will miss Bend and everything that comes with Bend: friends, memories, school.  I hope to see you again some day.  Until then... Laters.

The next episode

Hey Bloggers. So as the title suggest, I'm here to talk about the next episode of my life.  If every year of my life were an episode, we'd be on episode 24.  And as you may recall, the last episode ended very poorly.  It was tear-filled and dramatic. But hey, who doesn't like a little drama every now and then.  And honestly, isn't that what keeps your attention from episode to episode, series to series? I'll admit, even I enjoy a little bit of drama from time to time. So here's to the next episode.  I'm getting ready to go on a new adventure and I'm feeling very mixed about the whole thing.  I'm excited to have this opportunity but sad to be leaving a lot behind as I take it.  I'm anxious to get going since everything in this process as thus far been very last minute but at the same time I'm so exhausted from constantly going that I really just wanna sit back and relax for a little while.  Like I said, very mixed.  For the time being, I'm just focusing on the here and now.  Speaking of which, I'm currently in J3's hometown taking a bit of a vaca from life.  Sadly, this may be the last time I ever get to visit his childhood home.  I love this house and town and especially the people who reside here.  I wish it weren't an option but sadly, I may never get back into this house. So for the time, I'm making the most out of home-cooked meals, family dinners, and awesome company.  I'm only here for a few days so I guess I'll get going and start enjoying myself.  The next time I check in will probably be when I've got my plane ticket in hand and jetting off to China.  Until then... Laters.

I'm Back! (Again)

Hey bloggers! Sorry I've been MIA since ummm.... a year and a half ago? Wow. That's insane. But you know how life just kinda happens. So here's the quick one paragraph update: I graduated with my Master's in Counseling.  Jeremy and I lived together since November 2011. On my 24th birthday we decided that moving from Bend together (to anywhere) was just logistically not smart.  We wanted to live together in Seattle but I couldn't find work up there and if we committed to living together, we'd be committing to each other for another year and he (and later I) was just not sure that we could commit to another year together. So we decided to go our separate ways once our lease for our apartment ends. I was heartbroken but now I'm over it because... wait for it.... I GOT A JOB IN CHINA!! I signed a 2 year contract to be an admissions counselor so I will be taking off in about a month to start my adventure as a licensed counselor in Jinan.  So that's really the real reason I decided to start my blog back up again.

Facebook is blocked in China so I will be using this to update you all on my adventures.  If you have any questions you want me to answer, then you'll just have to email me. Otherwise, enjoy the stories that I will hopefully be bringing to you. I promise to try extra hard to remember to update on a bi-weekly if not weekly basis. I can't wait to get started! But for now, as I wrap things up in Bend, it's off to continue packing.  It's funny how even after you've packed up three boxes worth of blankets and clothes, you still have three rooms worth of crap to pack up! How did I accumulate so much stuff in two years?! The world may never know. Oh well. Write soon. Until then... Laters!

It's Official

I officially suck at blogging (it's been a month!!). I am officially 1/8th of a counselor. I have officially been working at Aloha Cafe for a month. I have officially hurt my hand (no clue what I did). I officially belong to a studio.

So here's what you've missed in the last month...

School: Report card's in and I got a 3.9 :) It's not a 4.0, which heaps of people got this term :/ but it's still better than I've gotten in the past. New goal, 4.0 for the next 7 terms and I will hopefully graduate with a 4.0. It's possible. I've seen it happen. I start next term in 3 weeks and I'm pretty nervous for it. I hear that it sucks significantly more than last term. But I AM excited to be going back soon. I miss having something to work on every night.

Friends: I haven't seen my friends here in about a week or so. I hung out with them a couple times after term ended but it was only weekend encounters. We all realized how much money we've spent over last term and how much we needed to stop going out. Unfortunately, saving money means less encounters when we're not in class together. They did hang out with J3 and me last last weekend when he was here. It was cool that they got to meet him :)

Boys: I was asked out by a 19-year-old. That was a bit of a weird one. J3 realized that he missed me and came up to visit two weeks ago :) I hadn't seen him since July 4th. We hit a rough patch at the end of July and he suggested we not talk for a couple days. A week after that, we started talking again and admited the uselessness of that "dry spell" as I like to call it. For us a dry spell is not talking. He thought that not talking to me would help him figure out what he wants but he said it didn't hep at all. He pretty much just got more confused. So now we're talking again. What will happen?? Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know what to think anymore. The only thing I do know is that I love him and until he moves on, I won't move on.

Misc: I work at Aloha Cafe and LOVE it!! It's a lot of fun and I get paid. So essentially I get paid to have fun :) I'm making new friends through the restaurant as well as through The Vibe. That's the studio I dance at. I love dancing there because I feel so at home there. Everyone is super nice and I get to freak them out by saying, "I'm 22 and moved here for grad school." They all thought I was 17/18 for a month. That was really funny. My counseling sessions are going great and I'm almost done with the required 10 sessions. Then I'll stop having $85 taken from my account every week. That's where most of my money is going to right now :/ Time feels like it's going by so fast yet so slow. I have everything for the year all planned out to the best of my ability. It makes my life so much more manageable. I'll be sure to try to update you more often. Until then... Laters

Gahhhhh

I can't believe it's been three weeks since I last updated you. Life has been crazy here in Bend. Mostly good but of course I AM an emotional roller coaster so here's what's pretty much been happening.
School:
Best thing happening to me at the moment. Provides much needed stability and normalcy. If I don't want to deal with life, school is what I rely on to get me through the moment. Unfortunately summer break is approaching at full speed and I'm dreading not having school for 6 weeks. What am I going to do?! I know I sound crazy when I say this but honestly with everything that's been changing in my life, school is the only thing that's remained the same. School is the same anywhere you go: you're expected to do your work, study hard, and you'll be rewarded.
Friends:
My friends here are awesome. I love them to death and while they are mostly older than me (25-30) we still have fun going out together. Of course most of them have jobs, families/husbands, and lives that keep them busy so fitting in with them when they're talking about their mother-in-law or their kids or their co-workers, etc. is kind of difficult. Mostly I hang out with Sarah, Robbie, and Jaclyn because we're all between the ages of 21 and 23. We all have different interests but we have fun hanging out regardless.
Boys:
This is where life gets to that emotional roller coaster I've been talking about. J3 and I had been talking a lot and we've kind of come to a halt in our.... friendship/relationship. I didn't know what we were until now. He's not ready for another relationship and I wanted to get back with him so we kind of struggled with our communication. Mostly my fault for not saying what I was really feeling and letting him say here's what we're gonna do. So of course after being hurt enough I snapped and I'm not so proud to say that we're not really on great terms anymore. It sucks. It REALLY sucks. He still wants me in his life as a friend but I don't think I'm mature enough for that so I'm pretty much keeping it a shallow friendship consisting mostly of "I need nutrition advice" and "can you help me" situations. I've started to talk to other guys, mostly ex's, about why he has such control over me and all they could really say is that I'm not over him. WELL DUHHHHH I could've told you that!! Part of me still wants to wait it out and see what might happen but another part is telling me "you've been through enough it's time to pull the plug." Putting something to sleep is never easy but sometimes it's for the best. When I'm not talking to him I'm less stressed out and kind of happier but I also don't feel complete. It's like no one can make me feel as good about myself than he can.... It's weird I know. I think I need to get over him.
Probably one of the best things that came out of my struggle with J3 is the reconnection I made with Nick. Yes my ex Nick from Hawaii that is so different from me that I still don't know how we get along so well. I started texting him and he's helping me to figure myself out. Whenever I'm not feeling great or I have the urge to talk to J3, I text him and he makes everything seem perfect. Nothing to worry about, everything to smile about. I don't know what made me lose contact with him for so long.... oh wait yes I do, 6000+ miles and a whole mess of boy drama in college. Ugh well, there's no one here for me to date so there's really no drama left and now I'm only 3000+ miles away. Ergo, TEXT!!
Is it possible to use guy to get over another guy?? or I guess more so I'm asking, is it OK or healthy?? What if I don't want to get over J3?? UGHHHHH stupid Oregon and your young marriage age.... STOP MAKING ME THINK ABOUT IT!!! This is why I made it known at Skidmore that I'm never getting married. It's too much stress!! Grrrrrrr

In other news: I'm crazy. The end.

Well not really the end. I don't have much else to catch you up on but I'm sure as time goes by I'll think of more to write. Hopefully I'll be back within the week. Until then... Laters

Finish 3rd Week of Grad School... CHECK!!

Hey everyone. Sorry for being a little MIA but seriously... life has started to run away with me. Every since the crash I've found myself at the core of a world full of paperwork and responsibilities. Being grown up is no fun. I've had to be on the phone with Geico and my dad and Honda for what feels like two weeks straight. Thankfully nothing is too complicated when it's taken step by step. I think I would've shut down if my dad wasn't there for me the whole time. I'm starting to believe that I'm never going to be an independent person. There are just some people who can't make it on their own, and I think I'm one of them... It's not a bad thing, it's just not what I had hoped would be my fate. Regardless, I am thankful for everything that he has done for me. Him and Jeremy. J3 has been my shoulder to cry on ever since I met him and this time is no different. Whenever I feel overwhelmed I can text him and say that I'm fine but he always knows that there's something wrong and he'll talk to me until the tears have cleaned itself out. I hope he knows just how much I appreciate his presence. I know it's not his place anymore since we're just friends but he's still there for me no matter what. I really love that I have someone like that in my life. I think that everyone should have someone like that and I think that's what pushed me into following my path straight into grad school for counseling.

Speaking of school, I'm one class short of finishing my third week of grad school and I'm still loving it as much as when I started. Every day there's another instant feeling of pride and accomplishment. I'm not sure where it comes from but I like having it. None of that delayed gratification crap for me haha... kidding. This past weekend was the first weekend I felt like I fell behind in work because I spent it down in Ashland for the Fourth of July. Although I feel like I fell behind, I really didn't. All that happened was that I didn't read the chapter for today 3 times (just twice). Yes, because I had nothing to do last weekend I read every chapter in my books for the week multiple times. I felt like I was in a state of depression. While I was getting a lot of work done, I wasn't happy. School was the only thing getting me out of the apartment and it was all I had to look forward to. Now I have friends and love school. It's funny how much happier I get when I have a balanced life and friends who share the same beliefs as I do and encourage me to have fun while still loving school.

This week began the three part Harry Potter party. Yesterday we watched HP1 and HP2 while munching on pumpkin pastries and licorice wands and drinking pumpkin juice and butter beer. Yes it was all home made and AMAZING!! Sunday we're watching HP3, 4, and 5. Then next week Wednesday we're watching 6 and 7 part 1. Then we're going to the midnight showing after class on Thursday. We're all really excited for it and I can't wait to see what else we find to do while killing time in between classes.

Today I got all caught up with my work and found that I have more time than I thought I did. My dad bought me a dining room set (a table and four chairs) so now I never leave the living room. At least I'm getting out of my room right?? I miss having housemates and people to hang out with at home. Don't get me wrong, I love my new friends that I'm making but most of them have families that they commit most of their time to. At least in Nwoods I had that family feel too you know?? Hopefully I'll be able to get over that soon, it's a real mood killer.

I think I'll have more time to update you because I don't really have any more holidays coming up taking me out of town plus I have a lot of projects to start and finish within the next month... Only 5 weeks left of term!! Sad I won't be able to see J3 because of our busy schedules but we knew that would happen (one of the many reasons we aren't back together). I still can't believe I am where I am. It doesn't feel like I'll be completely moved in before I have to pick up and move again. You think I should bring that up in my therapy sessions?? I think so. Anyway, as I learn more, you'll learn more. Keep following!! Until then... Laters