Just another update

Today marks the one week mark. I can wear makeup once again in 7 days :D I'm pretty excited for all the things coming up so soon... but I'm also kinda nervous and stressed and, well you know, Chelsey about it. Let's recap shall we??

4 days until Jeremy comes back to the states which means that we'll be able to talk again
7 days until my summer school class is done and I can wear makeup again
33 days until everything has to be prepped for work which includes pre-or and orientation planning, video clips for classes, SPSS data collection organization, and until I move in to NORTHWOODS
39 days until senior year classes start

I really wish I knew when I would see Jeremy again. I know it's sometime in September but I'm not positive when that will be, so I can't have a count down for that yet. I have a dilemma: I'm pretty sure Jeremy will be staying with me and my 3 housemates for a month or so.... basically he has no idea how long he's staying, therefore I have no idea how long he's staying. I told my housemates that he's visiting but since we don't know how long he's staying I can't give my housemates any info. I'm not entirely sure if they'll be alright with him staying for so long. I feel guilty for having him stay for so long but I haven't seen him or talked to him for a month and I won't see him for another month or so after this so I REALLY REALLY want him to stay with me for as long as he can. What do I do?? Should I be feeling this guilty?? What if they're not alright with it?? I don't want them to feel uncomfortable since we're all living there together and it's not any one of our apartments... It's all of ours, you know?? I just don't want to be the reason all of our senior years end up being drama-filled from the get-go. If anyone has any ideas, PLEASE feel free to help me out.

In other news:
I made a new friend in summer school. Her name is Katie and she's a junior in high school.... I wanna say she's from Chicago but I'm not entirely sure on that one since I don't pay attention to where people are from. She's here with her gparents for the summer term and they live out on Lake George. I'm hoping she responds to my text cuz she invited me to go hiking this weekend but she might be going to Connecticut with her family. I really wanna go hiking and I need someone to go with.... mostly because I WILL get lost if I go alone. Anyway, she goes home next week after class is done so this is the last weekend we would be able to hang out. Sad, I should've been more social at the start of the month so that we could have hung out all summer while she was here. She's a fun one to talk to.
Sarah from UConn is coming to visit me August 13th :) I haven't seen her in over a year!! We're gonna have a fun little catch up sesh. Short story behind us meeting.... I met her at Orientation in Australia (yes the same orientation I met Jeremy). I was eating our lunch time snack with someone named Tony and he and her were studying at the same school, UTas (University of Tasmania), so she came and sat with us. I didn't have any friends because I was sleeping in a cabin on my own whereas EVERYONE else was in a cabin with 7 or 8 other people. How I got stuck alone, I don't know. So she became my friend and we hung out the ENTIRE orientation. I became adopted into the UTas fam because I was closer with that school of people than I was my own... ANU. So bottom line, we became close and then lost contact (of course, it's me!) for pretty much the year. But now that I have no weekend plans... ever... she's agreed to come for a visit!! Yay!!
I have been studying for the GREs and have been getting REALLY REALLY REALLY anxious about applying to grad school. There's so much I should be doing for that honestly it's just stressing me out way too much. I need to write my application, my essay, take the GREs, get my recommendations.... I just don't wanna leave it to the last minute. Then there's the whole Disney College Program that I really wanna do, but that's another problem in and of itself. I won't be able to see Jeremy for 8 months if I do it. I'm not sure if I'll be able to defer my acceptance for a semester, should I get accepted to UPS. I don't even know if I'll get accepted to any of these places I'm applying to. This is all just a big headache. I want this year to be done. I want it to be May. I want to know what's happening with the rest of my life. Here are some scenarios with pros and cons:

Scenario #1
I get into UPS and go straight after college.
Pros: I live with Jeremy right out of college and I finish my degree within 4 years.
Cons: I don't get to do the Disney College Program

Scenario #2
I get into the Disney College Program at Disney World and am able to defer my acceptance to UPS
Pros: I get to work for Disney. I can make a ton of money and meet new people just like me.
Cons: I won't get to see Jeremy for 8 months. I will stretch my degree to about 4 and a half years.

Scenario #3
I get into the Disney College Program at Disneyland and am able to defer my acceptance to UPS
Pros: I get to work for Disney. I get to see Jeremy every now and then but not for more than a day at a time.
Cons: I get crap jobs at Disneyland to choose from. I will stretch my degree to about 4 and a half years.

Scenario #4
I don't get accepted to either UPS or the Disney College Program.
Pros: I can move to Oregon or Washington to live with Jeremy and then figure it out from there. At least I tried
Cons: I won't have anything to do until I figure out my life.

Honestly I've never felt so torn. Living with Jeremy is something I've wanted to do since I stayed with him in Redlands, which is when we became an official couple. I grew so comfortable with having him there when I woke up and when we made meals together. Doing it all alone makes sleep harder to enjoy and eating taste not as good. But Disney is what I grew up with. Part of me thinks that I wanna do it just because I idolize Disney so much. I'm more than a Disney fan.... I'm a crazy girl when it comes to Disney. Will I regret not ever working with them?? I don't know. Will I regret not even applying because I'm afraid to choose between Disney and Jeremy?? Maybe. Will I regret going if I don't get to see Jeremy for 8 months straight?? Probably. I became depressed when I was separated from him for a month after we were only together for a week. I've never been this in love with any guy before. I've never considered giving up a goal for a guy until him. I know that in the past guys have dumped me because he doesn't wanna hold me back from my dreams and I always call BS on that because if he really liked me he would want me to have to choose.... And in the past I have complained that I wanted someone who wanted me to have to give up something to be with him. Well, here's the situation. What do I do now?? Do I keep going after my dreams and making him wait?? He's already waiting for me to graduate (he's a year older remember?). How long will he wait for me?? Am I risking losing him if I ask for just another 8 months?? That's like another year of school. That's another year of being 3000 miles apart. I don't want that distance but will I regret not applying 30 years down the road when I'm taking my family to Disneyland and looking around thinking "I could've had that job"??

Be careful what you wish for because the grass is never really greener on the other side. I don't know what to do. Someone please help me. Should I even apply for DCP?? and if I do and if I get accepted, should I go?? Where do I draw the line between making my heart happy and making my mind happy?? If I could have both I would be living in a fairytale with a happily ever after.... I know my happily ever after is out there somewhere... I just don't know where. Can someone point me in the right direction?? Hopefully I can figure all this out.... Until then... Laters.

WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!

I can't believe it. It only took 3 short months for Andrew to claw his way back into my life. Yes, he started talking to me again. He stopped talking to me when I wrote that blog about him not too long ago. I was amazingly happy for that entire time he wasn't in my life. That's the time I met Jeremy and when my life suddenly turned from soap opera drama to magical Disney fairy tale. Now all of a sudden, now that Jeremy is in Africa and I can't talk to him so often, Andrew is talking to me..... WHAT A F****** COINCIDENCE!!!! Why does the universe hate me?! He hasn't even talked to me that much and I'm already crying and about 2 seconds away from cutting myself.

Seriously, how hard is it to leave someone who hurts you alone?? He actively tries to contact me and yet, I hurt him. According to him, he's sick of crying from trying to love me. And he still, and always will, love me. I DON'T WANT HIS LOVE. I get all the love I want and need from my family and Jeremy. If I make him cry so much, why would he continue to put himself into that position?? I will NEVER forgive him for making me hurt so much. I will NEVER forgive him for making from March of my freshman year to July after my sophomore year of college, hell.... It makes me so sick to know that I went out with him. I still, to this day, don't remember what made me attracted to him. I know he reads my blog, so I'm purposely being a major b**** to get him to leave me alone.

If anyone has any ideas on how to get an Ex that you wish were dead to leave you alone, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!! I want so bad to be able to say "He's dead to me." But that's not gonna happen because he doesn't know the meaning of "leave me alone." It sucks that I wasted a year and a half of tears on him... at least I know what to do when I cry all night and have to look good the next day. UGHHHHHH Someone please help me!!!!!!

I'll keep you posted on what happens with him. Jeremy, I miss and love you so much. Please hurry home. My bed is getting cold at night. I need your warmth by my side. I can't wait for the day I wake up and don't have to wonder how many hours until one of us has to leave again. Some day, Baby, some day. Until then... Laters

Today

I GOT TO TALK TO JEREMY!!!!!!!! He called me. It was a really really weird number so I was hesitant to answer the phone. But I answered and after a second and a half of silence he said "hey babe." I was totally and utterly shocked!!!!!! I couldn't believe it. First I said "oh my god!!" and then I burst into tears. I just can't believe I was able to talk to him in AFRICA!!!! We chatted a little but he had to go to bed and besides international calling is expensive. So I couldn't really talk to him, but it was nice to hear his voice :) Sorry that you had to listen to me cry almost the entire time, babe!! I love you so much. Thanks for such a perfect surprise :)

I took my first psych exam today and it wasn't too bad. I'm pretty sure I got 6 points off since I got 2 multiple choice questions wrong and each one is worth 3 points.... fml. I get the test back on Monday so we'll see. I didn't work today but my apartment flooded yesterday so I'm still working on cleaning that up. There are still a ton of wet spots that when I step in it there's a squishy sound.... after I clean the spot, I wait a few hours and then step in it again and AGAIN it squishes. There is SOMETHING wrong with my floor... it just keeps absorbing water!!! wtf?!?!

Tomorrow: I get to work from 1-4 :D and have I mentioned I LOVE my job :) and then either before or after work I'm going to dance so that I can get the video for Jeremy done. I'm helping out with a scavenger hunt on Saturday and I really really really wanna go hiking on Sunday.... Anyone wanna go?? *sigh* I'll let you know on Monday what happens with my weekend and test. I'm so happy I could talk to my Love <3 I miss you so much, sweetie!! I'll talk to you soon. Everyone else, until then..... Laters!

Happy Birthday!!!!

Sigh. Technically Jeremy's birthday is tomorrow but I have an exam tomorrow so I'm procrastinating now. Sooooo....

Jeremy isn't here to celebrate his birthday with me. His 21st birthday wasn't GREAT because he was in Australia and not with his friends... well he was with newly made friends, but it's just not the same you know?? And now he's in Tanzania with 19 high schoolers and his co-lead. Again, friends, but he's technically working, not with me, and it's just not the same. If he were with me, and I wasn't in school, I would plan so many things for him. I would make him breakfast in bed, take him out to lunch, get him really drunk just for the hell of it, and then either take him to a romantic dinner or make him a romantic dinner... either way, it would be one he remembered forever. I actually have made the cookies he loves so much. He may not be here but it was still the thought that counts. If he were here I wouldn't hide the cookies from him. I would let him eat as many as he wanted. I would give him a massage, make him lots of snacks, basically just treat him like a king. Aw man I miss him so much!! I wish so much that he could be here with me. I could throw him a birthday week!!!! Omg there is so much I would do for him. I can't wait to make your 23rd birthday the best birthday of your life, baby!!!! Hurry home so I can talk to you. A month of no contact is driving me insane. I saw you in my dream last night and when I woke up I felt like my heart was filled with rocks. Sigh. Again. I hope you're having an amazing time in Tanzania and I can't wait until I can hear your voice and see your incredibly cute face again.

Thanks for reading everyone!! Keep on the look-out for more updates of what's going on in my life. Until then... Laters.

happy belated anniversary

I was supposed to remember to write here two days ago >< July 9, 2010 was Jeremy and my one year anniversary of meeting. We met in Sydney, Australia on July 9, 2009. He had actually seen me on July 8th but he was too damn smooth and we actually met on the 9th. I didn't know he liked me but apparently he did a bunch of things that got my attention in such a subtle way that I completely overlooked it. Any how, he sat next to me on the bus from the Taronga Zoo which is when I officially met him. This blog is a shout out to my baby in Tanzania.

I love you so much and I cannot tell you how happy I am we met. I hope you're having heaps of fun in Africa. I can't wait until you're back so that I can hear all of your stories. I miss you so much and look forward to when I'll see you again in September. I love you I love you I love you!!!!!! XX

Wednesday is his birthday so yea you can expect another blog dedicated to him.... aka more PDA when he's a million miles away. I just love him so much!!!!!! I'll be back on Wednesday to update you on how much I miss my love :P Until then... Laters!

just so you know

things have been crazy busy!!!! I got back to Ballston and NOTHING happened. So I didn't update this blog for a while. I spent a few days cleaning and what not in my apartment. When I got notification of Jeremy coming to visit from June 30th to July 5th, I was so happy words can't come anywhere close to describing what I felt. I couldn't wait for him to get here. The morning of the 30th I woke up and cleaned one more time just to pass the time until I needed to get Jeremy from the airport. I checked the JFK website and saw that his flight had been cancelled. I FREAKED!!!! I called Jeremy and told him and he thought I was joking. I said "no really, baby, check on it. Your flight is cancelled!" So he called me back about an hour later and said "The words are like stones in my heart but my flight is cancelled." I thought I was going to faint when he said that. He got another flight but it would have taken away an entire day that we would have spent together AND they were flying him into Boston!!!! Jeremy found another flight going out earlier and harassed the airlines about it and got onto the earlier flight. This flight brought him into JFK around 12:40. I went into the baggage claim and saw him walk through the doors. He didn't know I would be in baggage claim so when he saw me he had the BIGGEST smile on his face I have ever seen in my life :D Then we got his bags, hopped in the car, and Jeremy drove us back to Ballston. By the time we got back to the apartment it was 5am and we were both EXHAUSTED. We spent the next 24 hours in bed. Occasionally we got up to go to the bathroom and eat, but that was about it.
On July 2nd we ate lunch for Jeremy's birthday at Sushi Thai (I managed to steal the bill and pay before he could see what it was lol) and hung out around campus for a while. We ate dinner at Hatties for our anniversary of meeting and I was supposed to pay but he gave the waitress his card when she brought the bill which meant that he paid without knowing how much it was. I was mad that he paid for our anniversary dinner since it was my choice to eat there. But thanks for my first and best anniversary ever, baby :) I love you so much!!!!
We spent the next day in the apartment and went to the grocery store in the evening. It's always fun grocery shopping with Jeremy :) We have so much fun doing the simplest things. Jeremy wanted a bag of Sun Chips. Do you have ANY idea how much noise those bags make?! They're soooo annoying! And I made my feelings about those bags very clear to him. Of course, what does he do?? He crinkles the bag so that more noise is constant. After I got him to stop he said, "ok now that I have a migraine, let's put these in a ziploc." I laughed because he admitted that the bag annoyed him more than it did me :P WIN :D
July 4th: I packed up heaps of food for our time in Congress Park. We left the apartment around 6:30 and hung out in the park until the end of the fireworks at like 10. I packed spam musubis, salad, chips, cookies, chocolate coins, and water. I bought ice cream and we ate ice cream cookie sandwiches :) DELICIOUS!!!! We met a family who had an Akita that was only 11 weeks old. Cutest puppy ever!!! We both want one. We talked with each other for 3 hours and just imagined what it would be like to the family we met. I think it's safe to say that we both want that to happen eventually. It was an incredibly romantic evening. Picnic, hours of talking, fireworks, waiting in the parking lot for the traffic to die down, more talking. It was just a perfect 4th of July. I love you so much, baby J!!!
I started school on the 5th of July and had to leave the apartment for a while. When I got back from my class, Jeremy was writing in his journal to me. I left him alone so he could finish that. Then I massaged him and we spent the last few hours together watching Final Destination 2. We watched A LOT of movies while he was here.... I think we got through about a quarter of all the DVDs I own... and that's a lot. I took him to Crossgates and we ate dinner before heading down to JFK. I dropped him off at the airport his co-leads and he were staying at while the kids flew in and then I had to say good bye. I had never felt so much pain before. I know I'm seeing him again in 2 months but it still hurt. I even promised not to wear any make up until he was back in the States. I have currently gone 3 days without make up and I will continue with this until he's back in August. I can't wait to see him in September.

On a happier note.... Class and work started. Class is SO great. I am super interested in this class and I love my Prof as well as the material she's covering. I started to meet some of the kids in my class but they're all 4-5 years younger than me so it's weird. Work is also amazing!! I get paid to help with random projects like pre-or, Skidmazing race, Starr, and video clip editing. Today I got paid to watch Boyz N The Hood for a specific scene to edit. I LOVE MY JOB!!!! I also helped with Skidmazing race. Melito is part of that and I never thought I'd see her again!! Damnit. haha. I promise I'll try not to go so long without updating you again. Baby I miss you already and I hope you have an amzing time in Africa. Thanks for making the trip out here happen. Like you said, "This was time stolen, I wasn't supposed to see you until September." I love you so much and I hope you know that :) For everyone else, Thanks for reading!! Until then.... Laters!