Just another update

Today marks the one week mark. I can wear makeup once again in 7 days :D I'm pretty excited for all the things coming up so soon... but I'm also kinda nervous and stressed and, well you know, Chelsey about it. Let's recap shall we??

4 days until Jeremy comes back to the states which means that we'll be able to talk again
7 days until my summer school class is done and I can wear makeup again
33 days until everything has to be prepped for work which includes pre-or and orientation planning, video clips for classes, SPSS data collection organization, and until I move in to NORTHWOODS
39 days until senior year classes start

I really wish I knew when I would see Jeremy again. I know it's sometime in September but I'm not positive when that will be, so I can't have a count down for that yet. I have a dilemma: I'm pretty sure Jeremy will be staying with me and my 3 housemates for a month or so.... basically he has no idea how long he's staying, therefore I have no idea how long he's staying. I told my housemates that he's visiting but since we don't know how long he's staying I can't give my housemates any info. I'm not entirely sure if they'll be alright with him staying for so long. I feel guilty for having him stay for so long but I haven't seen him or talked to him for a month and I won't see him for another month or so after this so I REALLY REALLY want him to stay with me for as long as he can. What do I do?? Should I be feeling this guilty?? What if they're not alright with it?? I don't want them to feel uncomfortable since we're all living there together and it's not any one of our apartments... It's all of ours, you know?? I just don't want to be the reason all of our senior years end up being drama-filled from the get-go. If anyone has any ideas, PLEASE feel free to help me out.

In other news:
I made a new friend in summer school. Her name is Katie and she's a junior in high school.... I wanna say she's from Chicago but I'm not entirely sure on that one since I don't pay attention to where people are from. She's here with her gparents for the summer term and they live out on Lake George. I'm hoping she responds to my text cuz she invited me to go hiking this weekend but she might be going to Connecticut with her family. I really wanna go hiking and I need someone to go with.... mostly because I WILL get lost if I go alone. Anyway, she goes home next week after class is done so this is the last weekend we would be able to hang out. Sad, I should've been more social at the start of the month so that we could have hung out all summer while she was here. She's a fun one to talk to.
Sarah from UConn is coming to visit me August 13th :) I haven't seen her in over a year!! We're gonna have a fun little catch up sesh. Short story behind us meeting.... I met her at Orientation in Australia (yes the same orientation I met Jeremy). I was eating our lunch time snack with someone named Tony and he and her were studying at the same school, UTas (University of Tasmania), so she came and sat with us. I didn't have any friends because I was sleeping in a cabin on my own whereas EVERYONE else was in a cabin with 7 or 8 other people. How I got stuck alone, I don't know. So she became my friend and we hung out the ENTIRE orientation. I became adopted into the UTas fam because I was closer with that school of people than I was my own... ANU. So bottom line, we became close and then lost contact (of course, it's me!) for pretty much the year. But now that I have no weekend plans... ever... she's agreed to come for a visit!! Yay!!
I have been studying for the GREs and have been getting REALLY REALLY REALLY anxious about applying to grad school. There's so much I should be doing for that honestly it's just stressing me out way too much. I need to write my application, my essay, take the GREs, get my recommendations.... I just don't wanna leave it to the last minute. Then there's the whole Disney College Program that I really wanna do, but that's another problem in and of itself. I won't be able to see Jeremy for 8 months if I do it. I'm not sure if I'll be able to defer my acceptance for a semester, should I get accepted to UPS. I don't even know if I'll get accepted to any of these places I'm applying to. This is all just a big headache. I want this year to be done. I want it to be May. I want to know what's happening with the rest of my life. Here are some scenarios with pros and cons:

Scenario #1
I get into UPS and go straight after college.
Pros: I live with Jeremy right out of college and I finish my degree within 4 years.
Cons: I don't get to do the Disney College Program

Scenario #2
I get into the Disney College Program at Disney World and am able to defer my acceptance to UPS
Pros: I get to work for Disney. I can make a ton of money and meet new people just like me.
Cons: I won't get to see Jeremy for 8 months. I will stretch my degree to about 4 and a half years.

Scenario #3
I get into the Disney College Program at Disneyland and am able to defer my acceptance to UPS
Pros: I get to work for Disney. I get to see Jeremy every now and then but not for more than a day at a time.
Cons: I get crap jobs at Disneyland to choose from. I will stretch my degree to about 4 and a half years.

Scenario #4
I don't get accepted to either UPS or the Disney College Program.
Pros: I can move to Oregon or Washington to live with Jeremy and then figure it out from there. At least I tried
Cons: I won't have anything to do until I figure out my life.

Honestly I've never felt so torn. Living with Jeremy is something I've wanted to do since I stayed with him in Redlands, which is when we became an official couple. I grew so comfortable with having him there when I woke up and when we made meals together. Doing it all alone makes sleep harder to enjoy and eating taste not as good. But Disney is what I grew up with. Part of me thinks that I wanna do it just because I idolize Disney so much. I'm more than a Disney fan.... I'm a crazy girl when it comes to Disney. Will I regret not ever working with them?? I don't know. Will I regret not even applying because I'm afraid to choose between Disney and Jeremy?? Maybe. Will I regret going if I don't get to see Jeremy for 8 months straight?? Probably. I became depressed when I was separated from him for a month after we were only together for a week. I've never been this in love with any guy before. I've never considered giving up a goal for a guy until him. I know that in the past guys have dumped me because he doesn't wanna hold me back from my dreams and I always call BS on that because if he really liked me he would want me to have to choose.... And in the past I have complained that I wanted someone who wanted me to have to give up something to be with him. Well, here's the situation. What do I do now?? Do I keep going after my dreams and making him wait?? He's already waiting for me to graduate (he's a year older remember?). How long will he wait for me?? Am I risking losing him if I ask for just another 8 months?? That's like another year of school. That's another year of being 3000 miles apart. I don't want that distance but will I regret not applying 30 years down the road when I'm taking my family to Disneyland and looking around thinking "I could've had that job"??

Be careful what you wish for because the grass is never really greener on the other side. I don't know what to do. Someone please help me. Should I even apply for DCP?? and if I do and if I get accepted, should I go?? Where do I draw the line between making my heart happy and making my mind happy?? If I could have both I would be living in a fairytale with a happily ever after.... I know my happily ever after is out there somewhere... I just don't know where. Can someone point me in the right direction?? Hopefully I can figure all this out.... Until then... Laters.