WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!

I can't believe it. It only took 3 short months for Andrew to claw his way back into my life. Yes, he started talking to me again. He stopped talking to me when I wrote that blog about him not too long ago. I was amazingly happy for that entire time he wasn't in my life. That's the time I met Jeremy and when my life suddenly turned from soap opera drama to magical Disney fairy tale. Now all of a sudden, now that Jeremy is in Africa and I can't talk to him so often, Andrew is talking to me..... WHAT A F****** COINCIDENCE!!!! Why does the universe hate me?! He hasn't even talked to me that much and I'm already crying and about 2 seconds away from cutting myself.

Seriously, how hard is it to leave someone who hurts you alone?? He actively tries to contact me and yet, I hurt him. According to him, he's sick of crying from trying to love me. And he still, and always will, love me. I DON'T WANT HIS LOVE. I get all the love I want and need from my family and Jeremy. If I make him cry so much, why would he continue to put himself into that position?? I will NEVER forgive him for making me hurt so much. I will NEVER forgive him for making from March of my freshman year to July after my sophomore year of college, hell.... It makes me so sick to know that I went out with him. I still, to this day, don't remember what made me attracted to him. I know he reads my blog, so I'm purposely being a major b**** to get him to leave me alone.

If anyone has any ideas on how to get an Ex that you wish were dead to leave you alone, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!! I want so bad to be able to say "He's dead to me." But that's not gonna happen because he doesn't know the meaning of "leave me alone." It sucks that I wasted a year and a half of tears on him... at least I know what to do when I cry all night and have to look good the next day. UGHHHHHH Someone please help me!!!!!!

I'll keep you posted on what happens with him. Jeremy, I miss and love you so much. Please hurry home. My bed is getting cold at night. I need your warmth by my side. I can't wait for the day I wake up and don't have to wonder how many hours until one of us has to leave again. Some day, Baby, some day. Until then... Laters