Hey everyone. I know I haven't been keeping you as updated as I said I would but I mean really, I'm having trouble catching my breath, let alone finding time to sit and cry. So here's a brief update: GREs sucked and I failed miserably at them (looks like I'm not going to UPS, c'mon OSU... Accept me please!!); Big Top was pretty awesome even though I couldn't perform in it because of my injury... the lights didn't go out for the glowstick section, which sucked, but we still killed it; and since my back injury I've still be dancing and riding like normal, I just don't show anyone how weak I am by letting them know I feel pain.
Coming up:Tomorrow is a study day, which in Skidmore terms means get drunk in the AM and party until you hurt. I, fortunately, have three excuses as to why I will not be participating in it (so don't even bother asking or calling me up to find out what I'm doing!!).
1. I have to give a conflict resolution workshop up at Glens Falls High School from 10am to 1pm. I have been working so incredibly hard on this workshop with a chick who needs to learn to keep her damn mouth shut. Literally everything I say as an idea for what to do in the workshop, she replies with "that's not a very strong idea." When I say, "well what would you like to do then?" She replies with, "I don't really care. I'm just doing this because we have to. You can create what ever curriculum you want." So I met with our other group member and we created the WHOLE curriculum AND I typed it up so that we could just give it to her so she knew what we were doing. Her response, "why couldn't I contribute to it?" WTF?!?! I've been trying soooooooo hard not to yell at her. UGH!! Regardless of what she did or did not contribute, we are traveling up to Glens Falls tomorrow to present our workshop (that I worked on for three weeks) to high school freshmen.
2. I have a horse show to prepare for. We are all supposed to go to the barn and help clean tack or horses or the ring itself. I'm helping to set up the ring. I have six assignments due on either Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, which means that I can't attend the preshow dinner. This also means that I'm ditching out on another team event because of school... LAME!! I've been thrown from a twice this semester, I've lost feeling in my left foot, and I have messed up my back. Yet somehow I'm still showing on Saturday. Cindy must be desperate.
3. The horse show itself. Athletes are not allowed to drink or party 72 hours before a game/match/show. That's the official rule that almost no athlete follows. However, I do. Not to mention that I have to be up and working at the barn by 6:30am on a Saturday. I can't stay up past 10pm unless I'm at Breakbeats practice, which we don't have on Fridays for good reason. I'm struggling to stay up and type this post as it is. My body hurts, I'm exhausted, I want to cry but don't have the energy to. I really just want to freeze time for a day. I want a day to sit and do nothing. Have nothing due the next day, have no dance practice, no equestrian practice, no show, no test to prepare for..... NOTHING. I don't have very good stamina. I just can't do it.
So there are the three excuses... In other news, I wish I had a separate email address that I used for the STARR project/my job. I get 32 emails a day and if I don't check it constantly it fills up and I have to respond to all of them at once. I constantly move emails that don't say STARR in the subject line into another folder and then forget to read them and then completely screw everyone over for not reading it. Today I found out that I can't vote because I didn't mail in something that I was supposed to have mailed in like a month ago because it was in an email I didn't read!! I haven't ever voted before so I didn't understand what I was supposed to do. I thought the absentee ballot was the email I got not the application to get the absentee ballot. EFF EMM ELLE!!!!! Apparently I now need to add "talk to family members" on my to do list so that I don't completely forget that I have family members. Today someone asked me how's your cousin doing (because she's pregnant and the person asking me was pregnant) and I literally looked at her and asked, "What cousin??" I was legit so confused!! I seriously don't talk to anyone about anything other than school or team stuff. This is messed up!! I need to give something up this semester or else I'm going to suffocate myself.
So here's the deal... I can't give up equestrian because... well let's face it, it's just not an option unless I'm physically dying or literally failing a class (which I can't do either). I can't give up any classes because it's already the middle of the semester and a drop would say something on my transcript, which I need to look pretty for grad school applications (F*** that reminds me, I didn't fill those out yet). I could theoretically give up Breakbeats but that's like saying I could give up dessert after I eat my vegetables.... I don't see that realistically happening. I could give up fight club for a little while, just until I get my feet back on the ground (which I may have to do). I can't give up work because it's important to my future, my senior sem project, and, well, me.
Giving up fight club will give me an hour of my Wednesday night back to me. Giving up a Sunday practice and maybe a Tuesday practice every now and then for Breakbeats will give me about 5 hours to add to homework time. Giving up my Thursday practices for equestrian will give me an hour and a half. IF I give up all these activities, I should be able to eat and sleep. As of right now I'm going off of 10 meals a week. I manage to squeeze in an 11th when I eat a hot pocket on my way to practice on Thursdays. I can't eat lunch because I'm in classes all day and I tend to sleep through my alarm so I run out the door for class without breakfast. This semester will basically be the death of me. But that's OK because next semester I will have 12 credits, one academic class, and another class that ends in the middle of the semester. So this is my veggie time, next semester is my dessert. Well it better be since I have enough credits and all my requirements fulfilled for graduation. I will technically be graduated this semester. HELLZ TO THE YAY-YEA!!
Ok it's officially past 11pm and I have yet to stay up past 11:30 this semester. So I'm gonna head off to sleep so that I'm not exhausted for my workshop tomorrow. To the Skidmore friends I have left: I'm sorry you haven't seen me this semester unless you're in a class with me or on a team I'm on. When you become a senior you'll understand. To my family: I swear I'll read all of the emails you've been sending me once I'm done with my senior project on the 16th of December. If it's something that's uber importante you should probably send it multiple times until I respond with "OK it's done, thanks." To all the other random people who read this: I'll get better about writing in this blog when I get through my semester of stress, which I cover up really well with a smile that says, "my teeth hurt and a smile is all I can manage to do right now." I'll write a short post about how the show goes just so you know... but until then... Laters!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
I love Mondays
I know this sounds weird but seriously... Mondays are my favorite days of the week. This is the day that I wake up after having worked on Senior Sem work for 25 hours per weekend and feel relieved that I don't have to look at the assignment again until Friday. Then I get up and brush my teeth... you know get ready for my day. I go to Senior Sem Lab and work on my project. Then I go to Senior Sem Lecture (which I love so dearly because our class is becoming closer as a group and we have a common enemy to complain about) and finally Jazz class. Jazz class is literally the best class to have on Mondays. It wakes you up, gets you moving, and convinces you that you are awesome. It just makes you feel so good about yourself. Then I go to lunch and get ready for work. This is the day that I work from 1-4:30... another reason to LOVE Mondays. I get to work for 3 and half hours!! All the other days I just work 2 and a half or 1 and half. But Mondays... man-o-man I get to sit at my desk for 3 and half hours. Did I mention that I LOVE my job. I wish I could go back to the summer time when I was working from 10-4. It's amazing how happy I am after work.
Mondays also mark the start of the week that had worked so hard on the weekends to prepare for. I work Friday afternoons and nights, Saturday from when I wake up to when I go to sleep, AND Sunday nights on homework assignments for the week. I get ALL my work done for the entire week since I don't have time or energy to do anything during week days to do homework. So come Monday, I'm homework free until Friday. I can just focus on school and dance and riding all week.
The last reason I love Mondays so much is that I get to dress cute. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I have to dress in either dance clothes or riding clothes (LAME). Friday I get to dress cute as well but Friday marks that start of another hard weekend in which I struggle to finish my work before Monday. So Mondays are my favorite day of the week.
On Saturday I had a performance for an event called Hoopla. It was promoting healthy lifestyles and getting outdoors and stuff like that. Breakbeats performed and offered a 45 minute workshop. It was pretty awesome. Little kids dancing all over the place (so adorable) and loving us break dancing. I freestyled for the first time in my life. That was fun and I managed to get my confidence about freestyling up :) It was an awesome day until I realized that I had lost 12 hours in the day that I usually use to do work. So Sunday I had to sacrifice going to Breakbeats practice so that I could get my work done in time :(
I talked to J3 on Saturday as well and things are decent with us. I still feel awkward talking to him but we'll get through it (I hope). He's still convinced that he can get me to go backpacking with him. HAH as if. The closest I get to roughin' it is going to the beach house and sleeping outside in a hammock. I will NEVER do anything remotely close to what he does as a mountaineer. Blech... I shiver just thinking about it!!
Today I learned something about the possibilities for my Senior Sem project. I could go to a Sociology convention and present my topic!! It's in February so my project will have been completely done by that point. It's a weekend long expedition and we sleep 3 to a room... only problem is that I think it's during a horse show weekend. I have to talk to Cindy about the possibilities of doing it or if I have to not get my hopes up and say "sorry can't go." I also think that it's the weekend that my mom and aunty and possibly dad were going to come up to watch me ride. So if that's the case... Sorry can't go. My whole class got super excited about it but honestly it's a soc convention... in Philadelphia... how exciting can that be?? No offense to sociologists or Philly fans. It's just not my scene.
I'm don't really have much else to catch everyone up on except that I have lost 5 lbs from Pilates and I'm eating a salad like once a day :) Aren't you proud of me?? I'm feeling great about myself and loving having pain in my body from riding and dancing every day. I know it sounds masochistic but if you are an athlete or a dancer, you know what I mean. Anyways, I've gotta get going to work :D Update you soon!! Until then, laters.
Mondays also mark the start of the week that had worked so hard on the weekends to prepare for. I work Friday afternoons and nights, Saturday from when I wake up to when I go to sleep, AND Sunday nights on homework assignments for the week. I get ALL my work done for the entire week since I don't have time or energy to do anything during week days to do homework. So come Monday, I'm homework free until Friday. I can just focus on school and dance and riding all week.
The last reason I love Mondays so much is that I get to dress cute. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I have to dress in either dance clothes or riding clothes (LAME). Friday I get to dress cute as well but Friday marks that start of another hard weekend in which I struggle to finish my work before Monday. So Mondays are my favorite day of the week.
On Saturday I had a performance for an event called Hoopla. It was promoting healthy lifestyles and getting outdoors and stuff like that. Breakbeats performed and offered a 45 minute workshop. It was pretty awesome. Little kids dancing all over the place (so adorable) and loving us break dancing. I freestyled for the first time in my life. That was fun and I managed to get my confidence about freestyling up :) It was an awesome day until I realized that I had lost 12 hours in the day that I usually use to do work. So Sunday I had to sacrifice going to Breakbeats practice so that I could get my work done in time :(
I talked to J3 on Saturday as well and things are decent with us. I still feel awkward talking to him but we'll get through it (I hope). He's still convinced that he can get me to go backpacking with him. HAH as if. The closest I get to roughin' it is going to the beach house and sleeping outside in a hammock. I will NEVER do anything remotely close to what he does as a mountaineer. Blech... I shiver just thinking about it!!
Today I learned something about the possibilities for my Senior Sem project. I could go to a Sociology convention and present my topic!! It's in February so my project will have been completely done by that point. It's a weekend long expedition and we sleep 3 to a room... only problem is that I think it's during a horse show weekend. I have to talk to Cindy about the possibilities of doing it or if I have to not get my hopes up and say "sorry can't go." I also think that it's the weekend that my mom and aunty and possibly dad were going to come up to watch me ride. So if that's the case... Sorry can't go. My whole class got super excited about it but honestly it's a soc convention... in Philadelphia... how exciting can that be?? No offense to sociologists or Philly fans. It's just not my scene.
I'm don't really have much else to catch everyone up on except that I have lost 5 lbs from Pilates and I'm eating a salad like once a day :) Aren't you proud of me?? I'm feeling great about myself and loving having pain in my body from riding and dancing every day. I know it sounds masochistic but if you are an athlete or a dancer, you know what I mean. Anyways, I've gotta get going to work :D Update you soon!! Until then, laters.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Mandi called me out
I haven't been on in a while.... I've been SO incredibly busy with school starting up and love lives crashing down. Here's a pretty long summary of what's been going on.
The end of August really wasn't much to talk about. I basically went to the tracks for the first time, packed up my apartment, and got ready to move. Once August 31st showed it's pretty little face I hit the ground running and haven't stopped since.
I volunteered to help move Freshmen into their dorms on Sept 1st and 4th. Little did I know, Frosh chicks don't know the meaning of sharing a room. They all brought their entire houses and then some!!! HELLO PEOPLE, YOU'RE IN A TRIPLE... AKA DON'T BRING SO MUCH!! Anyway, I moved them in and got a nice work out from it. I gained about 13 new bruises from it because their boxes would continuously hit my arms in the same places and I looked pretty diseased from it haha. I had bruises on my hips and thighs as well because if I started to drop the boxes from tired arms, I would catch it with my thigh and then rest it on my hip like a mother would a child... only boxes have edges so they bruise like a child wouldn't. After I moved them in, I worked the Skidmazing Race.
September 5th was when the entire freshman class was on campus for the first time with their seminars and I was in charge of the Art stop. I had to sit and wait for the whole scavenger hunt to kick off and make sure they were at the right stop... blah blah blah. It was a long day that required me to run from the Skidmazing Race to rehearsal for the Freshman Showcase (the things I do for these Freshmen, I swear!). Breakbeats performed a HOT dance that consisted of Pockets Full of Money, Beggin, DJ Bruce, Glowsticking, and Freestyling. I was in every piece except DJ Bruce and Freestyling (because I'm not confident enough in my b-girl skills to perform it...YET. This year will be the year I learn more and perform :D). Needless to say, I was exhausted after having to constantly go go go the entire week. Did I mention it took me 7 days to finally get everything unpacked and put away?? Well with my schedule as busy as it was, I couldn't find time to do it all at once. So I would just unpack a handful of boxes every day until I was done.
September 7th School started and I learned that Senior Sem was gonna be the death of me. We have something due practically every Monday. But whatever, if it gets my thesis done, then so be it! I also identified Tuesdays and Thursdays as the days from Hell. Here's my schedule for T/TH:
8:30-11:00 Research Assistant
11:10-12:30 Ballet
12:40-2:00 Pilates
2:10-3:20 Riding
3:40-5:00 My only academic class
5:10-8:00 Do any and all hmwk for the next day as well as eat dinner and relax
8:30-11:00 Breakbeats practice
I'd say that that schedule will be get me in shape.... HAH it'll kill me before it gets me in shape.
Monday nights are my only free weeknights. I do most of my homework when I get off work at 4:30. Tuesday I can't keep myself thinking straight let alone do any work. Wednesday I have Fight Club (Conflict Resolution Club) meetings from 8-9. Thursday is the same as Tuesday. Friday I do any and all personal stuff that needs to be done i.e. grocery shopping, cleaning my room, laundry, etc. Saturday is homework day. Sunday I have Breakbeats from 12-4 and if any of my Jazz kids need extra help before class, they can contact me and meet me on Sunday. I think I've bitten off more than I can chew this semester. I haven't even added in riding practices yet!!! Cindy will kill me when she learns that I have yet again over committed myself.
Speaking of horses, remember the time I got bucked off my horse and landed on my head?? Oh yea, that was fun.
On a more positive note, my GRE vocab studying is going beautifully. I'm actually finding it a lot more enjoyable to do than my actual homework. GRE testing is on October 16th and I will be done with it after that... THANK GOD!! I actually feel somewhat prepared for it oddly enough :)
Now in the beginning of this entry I mentioned love lives crashing down... Well yes, tis the season for broken hearts and mine isn't the only one that's been broken (Gossip Girl influence anyone??). I've been coaching people through conflicts that mainly revolve around break ups. Since I've been going through this myself, I have some personal experience to share. Mine was and still is a rough break up. Special shout out to Moose and Tony Stark for texting me everyday to make sure I've got a smile on my face!! There's a lot going on that factors into when I will have the patience, emotional capacity, and time to figure it all out. Right now, I'm too busy with school and work (and dance and riding) to deal with stupid crap going on in my life. Too many people need my help and sometimes helping them helps me. I've let it get to me once or twice this month and I'm almost positive that it'll get to me a few more times until I learn to stop pushing it away and actually deal with it. *sigh* this is going to be a long semester.
Proud moment of the week: I managed to get an inverted hallow back!!!!! I can hold if for almost 10 seconds and I'm SO excited :) Next on the to do list would be swipes. Hey Jason, teach me please :D
Week three is almost done and I promise I will find time to update this blog more frequently... Hey without a bf in the picture I no longer have to worry about finding time for him... I'll just use his time to update this. OK enough with the broken hearted stories, I have to get to work. I'll be back soon. Until then... Laters!
The end of August really wasn't much to talk about. I basically went to the tracks for the first time, packed up my apartment, and got ready to move. Once August 31st showed it's pretty little face I hit the ground running and haven't stopped since.
I volunteered to help move Freshmen into their dorms on Sept 1st and 4th. Little did I know, Frosh chicks don't know the meaning of sharing a room. They all brought their entire houses and then some!!! HELLO PEOPLE, YOU'RE IN A TRIPLE... AKA DON'T BRING SO MUCH!! Anyway, I moved them in and got a nice work out from it. I gained about 13 new bruises from it because their boxes would continuously hit my arms in the same places and I looked pretty diseased from it haha. I had bruises on my hips and thighs as well because if I started to drop the boxes from tired arms, I would catch it with my thigh and then rest it on my hip like a mother would a child... only boxes have edges so they bruise like a child wouldn't. After I moved them in, I worked the Skidmazing Race.
September 5th was when the entire freshman class was on campus for the first time with their seminars and I was in charge of the Art stop. I had to sit and wait for the whole scavenger hunt to kick off and make sure they were at the right stop... blah blah blah. It was a long day that required me to run from the Skidmazing Race to rehearsal for the Freshman Showcase (the things I do for these Freshmen, I swear!). Breakbeats performed a HOT dance that consisted of Pockets Full of Money, Beggin, DJ Bruce, Glowsticking, and Freestyling. I was in every piece except DJ Bruce and Freestyling (because I'm not confident enough in my b-girl skills to perform it...YET. This year will be the year I learn more and perform :D). Needless to say, I was exhausted after having to constantly go go go the entire week. Did I mention it took me 7 days to finally get everything unpacked and put away?? Well with my schedule as busy as it was, I couldn't find time to do it all at once. So I would just unpack a handful of boxes every day until I was done.
September 7th School started and I learned that Senior Sem was gonna be the death of me. We have something due practically every Monday. But whatever, if it gets my thesis done, then so be it! I also identified Tuesdays and Thursdays as the days from Hell. Here's my schedule for T/TH:
8:30-11:00 Research Assistant
11:10-12:30 Ballet
12:40-2:00 Pilates
2:10-3:20 Riding
3:40-5:00 My only academic class
5:10-8:00 Do any and all hmwk for the next day as well as eat dinner and relax
8:30-11:00 Breakbeats practice
I'd say that that schedule will be get me in shape.... HAH it'll kill me before it gets me in shape.
Monday nights are my only free weeknights. I do most of my homework when I get off work at 4:30. Tuesday I can't keep myself thinking straight let alone do any work. Wednesday I have Fight Club (Conflict Resolution Club) meetings from 8-9. Thursday is the same as Tuesday. Friday I do any and all personal stuff that needs to be done i.e. grocery shopping, cleaning my room, laundry, etc. Saturday is homework day. Sunday I have Breakbeats from 12-4 and if any of my Jazz kids need extra help before class, they can contact me and meet me on Sunday. I think I've bitten off more than I can chew this semester. I haven't even added in riding practices yet!!! Cindy will kill me when she learns that I have yet again over committed myself.
Speaking of horses, remember the time I got bucked off my horse and landed on my head?? Oh yea, that was fun.
On a more positive note, my GRE vocab studying is going beautifully. I'm actually finding it a lot more enjoyable to do than my actual homework. GRE testing is on October 16th and I will be done with it after that... THANK GOD!! I actually feel somewhat prepared for it oddly enough :)
Now in the beginning of this entry I mentioned love lives crashing down... Well yes, tis the season for broken hearts and mine isn't the only one that's been broken (Gossip Girl influence anyone??). I've been coaching people through conflicts that mainly revolve around break ups. Since I've been going through this myself, I have some personal experience to share. Mine was and still is a rough break up. Special shout out to Moose and Tony Stark for texting me everyday to make sure I've got a smile on my face!! There's a lot going on that factors into when I will have the patience, emotional capacity, and time to figure it all out. Right now, I'm too busy with school and work (and dance and riding) to deal with stupid crap going on in my life. Too many people need my help and sometimes helping them helps me. I've let it get to me once or twice this month and I'm almost positive that it'll get to me a few more times until I learn to stop pushing it away and actually deal with it. *sigh* this is going to be a long semester.
Proud moment of the week: I managed to get an inverted hallow back!!!!! I can hold if for almost 10 seconds and I'm SO excited :) Next on the to do list would be swipes. Hey Jason, teach me please :D
Week three is almost done and I promise I will find time to update this blog more frequently... Hey without a bf in the picture I no longer have to worry about finding time for him... I'll just use his time to update this. OK enough with the broken hearted stories, I have to get to work. I'll be back soon. Until then... Laters!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Word of advice
NEVER fight with your bf/gf when you're in a long distance relationship. Especially if he/she has a low battery and is on the road and has no way of charging his/her phone until a couple days after you say things you regret. Take it from me.... I have personal experience in this matter. Jeremy has been on a road trip for the last two weeks (I think. The days have started to blur together). I barely get to talk to him because he's driving from national park to national park camping and being all... well... Jeremy (and by Jeremy I mean, outdoorsy and adventurous and IMPOSSIBLE to get in touch with). He calls me every so often just to say hi (which I requested because I wanna know that he's alive). But of course, he's camping in his car and at national parks so he doesn't have a way to charge his phone that often. So when he calls me the opening line is, "Hi babe, just so you know my phone is about to die." My response, "Of course it is. Where are you now?" Well, just so YOU know, I'm a girl, I have mood swings when it's that time of the month, and my tolerance level has hit maximum. So yes, I got irritated with him and snapped quite a bit. Right as I was about to take a deep breath and say I'm sorry, his phone dies. AWESOME. So now our conversation is in the middle of a fight and I have no way of contacting him for a couple days because he has no phone. I feel terrible about it, although I justify it with PMS and the fact that I miss him when I get to talk to him all the time (which is rarely). I want to apologize but can't... at least not for a little while. And by the time he gets home and is able to talk to me, I will be in school which means I won't have time to talk to him. So basically... we're both in over our heads and we know it. We knew it would be hard when we got into the relationship which is why we talked about it for 2 and a half months before actually getting into it, and now three months later, we think we won't make it. There are just too many obstacles for us to jump and duck. Is it even worth it any more?? We don't get to see each other, we don't get to talk, the only good thing about this (right now anyway) is that it gets guys to stop talking to me (which I'm loving btw. People finally started leaving me alone). I love Jeremy but it's just too hard... And those of you who know me, know that I like a challenge but hate to work hard. So I'm a contradiction in human form. We discussed the idea of relaxing our definition of relationship and maybe even dropping the title completely but we haven't yet come up with a solution... although I wouldn't be surprised if we broke up after this since I was kinda unreasonable (for which I still blame my female/PMS status).... who am I kidding?? I was a flat out B*TCH to him. I complained about how I don't get to talk to him that much and how I'm feeling like he isn't in it anymore.... I know I shouldn't have because he can't control when his phone battery dies and when he'll have time to talk to me and stuff... but still, even I'm entitled to a little attention right?? UGH bottom line... Be careful when you get mad because you never know when you'll be able to make it right again. Jeremy, I'm sorry!!!
In other news, I've been studying for GREs every day for an hour and so far I have learned the definitions of 232 frequently seen vocab words in the GREs (and how to use them in a sentence). Whoo hooo..... 568 words to go.... and then the math section. I can't really study how to write an essay since the topic is different every time and I have no way of knowing how those are graded. So I'm pretty much screwed... wait no... I'm... yea screwed would be a good way to look at it. This is just NOT my year. I'm gonna die. I think I need to drop 2/3 of breakbeats' practices since I just don't think I will have the energy for it. Although, if I'm not going 100% I may as well not go at all. What do you think?? All or nothing, or, do what I can do?? Personally I say all or nothing this semester and then see what happens next semester. But I'll leave that for you to help me with. Anyway, I have to get going to work... Half day today :/ And it's raining :\ Oh well. Update more soon. Until then... Laters!
In other news, I've been studying for GREs every day for an hour and so far I have learned the definitions of 232 frequently seen vocab words in the GREs (and how to use them in a sentence). Whoo hooo..... 568 words to go.... and then the math section. I can't really study how to write an essay since the topic is different every time and I have no way of knowing how those are graded. So I'm pretty much screwed... wait no... I'm... yea screwed would be a good way to look at it. This is just NOT my year. I'm gonna die. I think I need to drop 2/3 of breakbeats' practices since I just don't think I will have the energy for it. Although, if I'm not going 100% I may as well not go at all. What do you think?? All or nothing, or, do what I can do?? Personally I say all or nothing this semester and then see what happens next semester. But I'll leave that for you to help me with. Anyway, I have to get going to work... Half day today :/ And it's raining :\ Oh well. Update more soon. Until then... Laters!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I can't sleep
Not when I have something this good on my mind. I just had a conversation with Jeremy and it was a deep one at that. Here's what I learned:
I've always thought of my relationships as matches lighting a candle. Each guy gives me a match to light my candle. When I flirt, I'm striking a match. But you all who have played with matches knows that matches burn fast and you have to light what ever it is you're trying to light fast before the match burns out. Well that's always been the case. Sometimes I get into a relationship (aka light the candle) fast or the match (aka flirting) dies out and the candle never gets lit. Each guy only gets to give me one match to attempt to light the candle. Once the candle gets blown out by either of us, it's out. You can't relight a candle with a used match. Well, Jeremy was never really a player by the rules. He didn't hand me a match when we met, he gave me a lighter. I lit it and let it burn for a while infatuated with the idea that I didn't have to rush to get it to the candle. I could let it burn a lot longer than I could a match. So I did. I let it burn before I decided to release the trigger and let the flame go out. I hadn't realized it at the time but I used that same lighter to light the candle that now glows so brightly in my heart. This element of fire has used spirit to survive all the other elements that have been thrown at it. First was water from all the tears we cried together. Then was wind from the harsh words we said to each other that we didn't mean. Lastly was earth that grounded us so far from one another that we thought that the candle had gone out completely. I gave it time to find its strength and now I've learned even more. I'm not afraid to let the candle go out because I know that I'll always have the lighter to relight it.
I've always seen relationships as the element of fire because without anything to burn, it can easily be blown out. At the same time, given too much freedom it will ruin everything it touches. But given the right amount of fuel it can provide needed light and warmth to those who possess it. My candle has dimmed and brightened tonight. In the past it has gone out and been relit by Jeremy. Whether it flickers constantly or continues to be relit by the same lighter, I know it at least has the option to be relit. And that has never made me feel so confident in my entire life about a relationship or about me in general.
Thanks to the House of Night novels (yes I finished Burned in less than two days):
There is no such thing as destiny or meant-to-be. The choices we make today will change what will happen tomorrow. The future of my candle is as fluid as the water that puts it out, as delicate as the flame that dances on it when the wind blows through it, and as protected as it can be with the spirit and earth surrounding it. But regardless of what I choose, there will always be a balance of good and bad. It just depends on which I choose to see as the main consequence of my choice. Will the relighting of my candle be good because it's relit; or will it be bad because it cannot be lit by a new flame? Either way, I chose to relight it, and that has changed my future :)
I'll figure it out when I decide to understand it. Until then... Laters!
I've always thought of my relationships as matches lighting a candle. Each guy gives me a match to light my candle. When I flirt, I'm striking a match. But you all who have played with matches knows that matches burn fast and you have to light what ever it is you're trying to light fast before the match burns out. Well that's always been the case. Sometimes I get into a relationship (aka light the candle) fast or the match (aka flirting) dies out and the candle never gets lit. Each guy only gets to give me one match to attempt to light the candle. Once the candle gets blown out by either of us, it's out. You can't relight a candle with a used match. Well, Jeremy was never really a player by the rules. He didn't hand me a match when we met, he gave me a lighter. I lit it and let it burn for a while infatuated with the idea that I didn't have to rush to get it to the candle. I could let it burn a lot longer than I could a match. So I did. I let it burn before I decided to release the trigger and let the flame go out. I hadn't realized it at the time but I used that same lighter to light the candle that now glows so brightly in my heart. This element of fire has used spirit to survive all the other elements that have been thrown at it. First was water from all the tears we cried together. Then was wind from the harsh words we said to each other that we didn't mean. Lastly was earth that grounded us so far from one another that we thought that the candle had gone out completely. I gave it time to find its strength and now I've learned even more. I'm not afraid to let the candle go out because I know that I'll always have the lighter to relight it.
I've always seen relationships as the element of fire because without anything to burn, it can easily be blown out. At the same time, given too much freedom it will ruin everything it touches. But given the right amount of fuel it can provide needed light and warmth to those who possess it. My candle has dimmed and brightened tonight. In the past it has gone out and been relit by Jeremy. Whether it flickers constantly or continues to be relit by the same lighter, I know it at least has the option to be relit. And that has never made me feel so confident in my entire life about a relationship or about me in general.
Thanks to the House of Night novels (yes I finished Burned in less than two days):
There is no such thing as destiny or meant-to-be. The choices we make today will change what will happen tomorrow. The future of my candle is as fluid as the water that puts it out, as delicate as the flame that dances on it when the wind blows through it, and as protected as it can be with the spirit and earth surrounding it. But regardless of what I choose, there will always be a balance of good and bad. It just depends on which I choose to see as the main consequence of my choice. Will the relighting of my candle be good because it's relit; or will it be bad because it cannot be lit by a new flame? Either way, I chose to relight it, and that has changed my future :)
I'll figure it out when I decide to understand it. Until then... Laters!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
welcome back
Sigh. I guess it's time to update the blog. I've been holding off until grades came out but apparently Skidmore decided to lie to me and NOT post grades a week after school ended. Anyway... I haven't really had anything special happen to me lately. Well, not since the last post anyway. I've just been reading (A LOT), studying for GREs (A LOT), and working (not so much). There just isn't enough for me to do at work. I saw the amount of reading I'm gonna have to do for Conflict Resolution.... Shoot me, shoot me NOW!!!! There's a whole brick plus 7 books. I ordered two of the books off amazon since they were cheaper than at the SkidShop and one came in already. I started reading it and lemme tell you.... it is BO-RING. It's about how mediation came to be a field. I got through half of chapter one and was like I'm gonna fail this class. I can't even get through one reading when I have nothing better to do. When I have better things to do (like work on my senior sem project :D) how am I gonna focus on this boring book (or any of the boring readings I may have to read)?!?! Man-o-man. I can't wait to start working on my senior sem project. I've been working with two data sets this summer and I'm not gonna lie, I'm SO stoked for both of them. One has a little over a half a million cases while the other has a little over 500..... Jee I wonder which data set I'm working with lol. But I get to watch the latter of the two grow and I get to collect data as well as analyze and put them into SPSS. This is like primary data I'm working with!!! I'm pretty sure everyone else is working with secondary data for their project so that's why I'm going with the secondary data, plus there's more to work with. So let me tell you about it...
It's data about inmates in the U.S. Basically it tells me their basic demographics, what kind of crime they committed, how long their sentence length is, and who has gone to jail or prison before. I've been playing around with it for a little bit and I gotta tell you.... there are a handful of people who have committed a murder and are in prison for less than a year!!!! How scary is that?! OK granted most of my crime knowledge is coming from 10 seasons of CSI... but still, if someone I loved was murdered, I'd want the murderer behind bars a lot longer than a year. Another "fun" yet so not surprising fact: Drug possession and trafficking are the two most frequent, non-violent crimes people go to prison for. Go America.... I can't wait until I get to pick a topic and start formulating a presentation for this seminar. I'm already inspired. I'm learning lots of new terminologies for this data set.... like differences between jail and prison, murder and manslaughter, burglary and robbery.... you know, stuff like that. It makes you really wonder about the safety of your home while you sleep. It's even scarier when you do what I do: work with the data set and then watch either Pretty Little Liars or CSI alone with the lights off.... remind me why I do this to myself again...?? My upstairs neighbors like to freak me out because they're three guys living together and know I get scared easily. One walks super heavily above my bedroom and then one of his roommates knock on my door randomly. They're super fun to hang out with during the day when I don't have to work, but they're mean to me at night :P
My supervisor, Joe from Res Life, and scary Alyssa took me to lunch yesterday. They're a fun crew to hang out with but I feel weird being like 5-9 years younger than them and eating lunch at pizza hut together . I want friends to hang out with!!! Maria, hurry up and get your butt to Skidmore so we can have our wine and oregano date :D I'm off from work for the weekend so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a great weekend of reading my oh so wonderful mediation book... My reward for finishing this book will be starting Burned :) I finished Tempted today and I'm incredibly stunned by what happened. I can't wait to start my next pleasure book!!!! And then after that one I get to work my way through the next series.... aka Pretty Little Liars ;) I wanna know what happens next in the tv series and I figured I could read the books to find out.... but I have a lot to get through before I can start those books. LAME! Oh well, at least it's something for me to do for the next two weeks.... I say two weeks because in three.... I START SCHOOL!!!! WHOOOOO HOOOOOO I'M A SENIOR AND I CANNOT WAIT TO GRADUATE IN 9 SHORT MONTHS!!!!!!
Ok now that that's out of my system.... I'm done for a while. Nothing really interesting is happening. I'll let you know about my Psych grade when it comes out :D Until then... Laters!
It's data about inmates in the U.S. Basically it tells me their basic demographics, what kind of crime they committed, how long their sentence length is, and who has gone to jail or prison before. I've been playing around with it for a little bit and I gotta tell you.... there are a handful of people who have committed a murder and are in prison for less than a year!!!! How scary is that?! OK granted most of my crime knowledge is coming from 10 seasons of CSI... but still, if someone I loved was murdered, I'd want the murderer behind bars a lot longer than a year. Another "fun" yet so not surprising fact: Drug possession and trafficking are the two most frequent, non-violent crimes people go to prison for. Go America.... I can't wait until I get to pick a topic and start formulating a presentation for this seminar. I'm already inspired. I'm learning lots of new terminologies for this data set.... like differences between jail and prison, murder and manslaughter, burglary and robbery.... you know, stuff like that. It makes you really wonder about the safety of your home while you sleep. It's even scarier when you do what I do: work with the data set and then watch either Pretty Little Liars or CSI alone with the lights off.... remind me why I do this to myself again...?? My upstairs neighbors like to freak me out because they're three guys living together and know I get scared easily. One walks super heavily above my bedroom and then one of his roommates knock on my door randomly. They're super fun to hang out with during the day when I don't have to work, but they're mean to me at night :P
My supervisor, Joe from Res Life, and scary Alyssa took me to lunch yesterday. They're a fun crew to hang out with but I feel weird being like 5-9 years younger than them and eating lunch at pizza hut together . I want friends to hang out with!!! Maria, hurry up and get your butt to Skidmore so we can have our wine and oregano date :D I'm off from work for the weekend so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a great weekend of reading my oh so wonderful mediation book... My reward for finishing this book will be starting Burned :) I finished Tempted today and I'm incredibly stunned by what happened. I can't wait to start my next pleasure book!!!! And then after that one I get to work my way through the next series.... aka Pretty Little Liars ;) I wanna know what happens next in the tv series and I figured I could read the books to find out.... but I have a lot to get through before I can start those books. LAME! Oh well, at least it's something for me to do for the next two weeks.... I say two weeks because in three.... I START SCHOOL!!!! WHOOOOO HOOOOOO I'M A SENIOR AND I CANNOT WAIT TO GRADUATE IN 9 SHORT MONTHS!!!!!!
Ok now that that's out of my system.... I'm done for a while. Nothing really interesting is happening. I'll let you know about my Psych grade when it comes out :D Until then... Laters!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
KARMA HATES ME!!!!!
OMG fine! You win!! Every time I try to separate myself from my parents, something bad happens. When I get into a fight with them, when I travel without them, when I do something that either of them disapproves of.... the list goes on. Basically if I'm not the daughter that they want me to be, something bad happens. Karma should be renamed My Parents.
Last night I got mad at my mom because she was telling me something I didn't want to hear. Whether I needed to hear it or not, I have yet to decide. So yea, I blew up at her. Most daughters do that all the time when they're in high school, but I didn't; I ALWAYS kept my comments to myself because I was always afraid she would get mad at me and I hate when my mom and I don't have a peaceful atmosphere around us. So the solution is simple: keep your comments to yourself=keep the peace. This was one of the few times we actually have a full blown disagreement and I got openly mad at her, and of course, crap starts to happen to me.
This morning I heard a noise in some plastic bags. I thought maybe the wind is moving them. It was 5am so of course I'm disoriented. I fall back asleep. Then I hear a thud from upstairs and think "oh those guys again" but I was more awake this time. I hear more plastic bags rustling and decide to check it out. I open my closet, nothing, I go lie down in bed. I see something move from my closet to my window, climb up my curtain, and scamper across my books.... it's a mouse. HOW THE HELL DID A MOUSE GET INTO MY APARTMENT?! I freak out of course because I don't know what to do. So I grab a bag and try to catch it. I screamed twice cuz it first jumped at me, and then ran toward my feet on the ground. I eventually manage to chase it out of my apartment. I don't know where it is in relation to the rest of the house (since I'm in a basement apartment) but I know it left my living room and went out into the stair area that leads outside. I come back into my room to vacuum just in case it left any "presents" in my room, and find fungus. Yes, that's right. All those times my apartment flooded, apparently the floor didn't dry well because my apartment is always so humid. The floor always feels sticky and has always felt sticky. If I lie down on the carpet to do my homework or something I always get up feeling damp. That's just how the apartment has always felt. But low and behold I'm growing fungus through my carpet. I called my landlord (sorry for the 6am wake up call but this is an emergency!) and he said he'd be down before 8:30 to take a look. I have to leave for school at 8:45 but I trust him in my apartment without me there; he's a good guy.
So there you have it. Less than 12 hours ago I was writing my mom an angry email and feeling frustrated. Now I have a major headache and I'm pretty sure my stress level went from a 5 on the Chelsey Scale to a 9.8.... now if you compare my scale to a normal person's scale.... I went from a 10 to a 20 on a scale of 1-10. You know what?? I surrender. Karma, you win! I'm sorry I ever doubted my parents' decisions. I'm meant to be the daughter I was in high school. Doing everything because everyone expects me to do it. I'm applying to Disney in Florida. That's that. No more stress about it.
I, Chelsey, am applying to Disney World's Disney College Program for the fall semester of 2011.
It's in writing for everyone to see. The next time I question it.... SOMEONE PLEASE REMIND ME OF THIS BLOG ENTRY AND I'LL GLADLY STOP B*T*HING ABOUT IT.
Skid Kidz.... F*** it!! Call me what you want. I don't care anymore. Give me the judgmental stares of "You're how old?? and you want to do what??" I rather have my parents think I'm the girl I was when I left for college than have you think I'm the girl I was when I got there. It's not like I'm keeping in touch with any of you when I leave... I don't even keep in touch with you when I'm not on campus. So judge all you want. Just don't talk to me because "you heard I'm a Disney Freak."
Mom, I'm sorry for getting mad at you but there's just more to the frustration than I led you to believe. That's what I do, I avoid confrontation and find other excuses so that it seems like I'm doing it for other reasons. I don't know why I do it.
J, K, and the other girls I asked about this problem, thanks for the advice but I don't think I'm ever going against the crowd ever again... I'm doing what everyone else wants me to do because... well... honestly, it's just safer for my health. Avoid going against the crowd=avoid stressing so much. See you in class!
Jeremy, take care of yourself!! Sorry you're so sick on the first few days back in the country :/ Nice welcome home present huh?? I love you so much.
Everyone else, sorry for the schizo ness of these last few blogs. I'm just giving into my natural personality.... I'm a 4.5 out of 5 in the neuroticism category of my personality test you know. Also studies have shown that neurotic people prefer to stress before an event because they feel that it will benefit them in the overall outcome.... aren't you glad I'm taking a psych course this summer??? So to recap... I'm doing Disney in Florida; I am still applying to UPS but should I get accepted to both, I will have to defer to the next semester; I will never disagree with my parents ever again and if I don't like what they're saying, I'll keep my mouth shut like I have in the past; I am going to try my hardest to stop being so self conscious about what the Skid Kidz say about me (I mean, I named them Skid Kidz for a reason....); and I will act like I hyped up on Serotonin, Endorphins, and Dopamine to be the happiest, highest, drunk-sounding person in the world (I'll have to act like that when I work for Disney won't I??) I'll keep writing, if you keep reading! Until then... Laters.
Last night I got mad at my mom because she was telling me something I didn't want to hear. Whether I needed to hear it or not, I have yet to decide. So yea, I blew up at her. Most daughters do that all the time when they're in high school, but I didn't; I ALWAYS kept my comments to myself because I was always afraid she would get mad at me and I hate when my mom and I don't have a peaceful atmosphere around us. So the solution is simple: keep your comments to yourself=keep the peace. This was one of the few times we actually have a full blown disagreement and I got openly mad at her, and of course, crap starts to happen to me.
This morning I heard a noise in some plastic bags. I thought maybe the wind is moving them. It was 5am so of course I'm disoriented. I fall back asleep. Then I hear a thud from upstairs and think "oh those guys again" but I was more awake this time. I hear more plastic bags rustling and decide to check it out. I open my closet, nothing, I go lie down in bed. I see something move from my closet to my window, climb up my curtain, and scamper across my books.... it's a mouse. HOW THE HELL DID A MOUSE GET INTO MY APARTMENT?! I freak out of course because I don't know what to do. So I grab a bag and try to catch it. I screamed twice cuz it first jumped at me, and then ran toward my feet on the ground. I eventually manage to chase it out of my apartment. I don't know where it is in relation to the rest of the house (since I'm in a basement apartment) but I know it left my living room and went out into the stair area that leads outside. I come back into my room to vacuum just in case it left any "presents" in my room, and find fungus. Yes, that's right. All those times my apartment flooded, apparently the floor didn't dry well because my apartment is always so humid. The floor always feels sticky and has always felt sticky. If I lie down on the carpet to do my homework or something I always get up feeling damp. That's just how the apartment has always felt. But low and behold I'm growing fungus through my carpet. I called my landlord (sorry for the 6am wake up call but this is an emergency!) and he said he'd be down before 8:30 to take a look. I have to leave for school at 8:45 but I trust him in my apartment without me there; he's a good guy.
So there you have it. Less than 12 hours ago I was writing my mom an angry email and feeling frustrated. Now I have a major headache and I'm pretty sure my stress level went from a 5 on the Chelsey Scale to a 9.8.... now if you compare my scale to a normal person's scale.... I went from a 10 to a 20 on a scale of 1-10. You know what?? I surrender. Karma, you win! I'm sorry I ever doubted my parents' decisions. I'm meant to be the daughter I was in high school. Doing everything because everyone expects me to do it. I'm applying to Disney in Florida. That's that. No more stress about it.
I, Chelsey, am applying to Disney World's Disney College Program for the fall semester of 2011.
It's in writing for everyone to see. The next time I question it.... SOMEONE PLEASE REMIND ME OF THIS BLOG ENTRY AND I'LL GLADLY STOP B*T*HING ABOUT IT.
Skid Kidz.... F*** it!! Call me what you want. I don't care anymore. Give me the judgmental stares of "You're how old?? and you want to do what??" I rather have my parents think I'm the girl I was when I left for college than have you think I'm the girl I was when I got there. It's not like I'm keeping in touch with any of you when I leave... I don't even keep in touch with you when I'm not on campus. So judge all you want. Just don't talk to me because "you heard I'm a Disney Freak."
Mom, I'm sorry for getting mad at you but there's just more to the frustration than I led you to believe. That's what I do, I avoid confrontation and find other excuses so that it seems like I'm doing it for other reasons. I don't know why I do it.
J, K, and the other girls I asked about this problem, thanks for the advice but I don't think I'm ever going against the crowd ever again... I'm doing what everyone else wants me to do because... well... honestly, it's just safer for my health. Avoid going against the crowd=avoid stressing so much. See you in class!
Jeremy, take care of yourself!! Sorry you're so sick on the first few days back in the country :/ Nice welcome home present huh?? I love you so much.
Everyone else, sorry for the schizo ness of these last few blogs. I'm just giving into my natural personality.... I'm a 4.5 out of 5 in the neuroticism category of my personality test you know. Also studies have shown that neurotic people prefer to stress before an event because they feel that it will benefit them in the overall outcome.... aren't you glad I'm taking a psych course this summer??? So to recap... I'm doing Disney in Florida; I am still applying to UPS but should I get accepted to both, I will have to defer to the next semester; I will never disagree with my parents ever again and if I don't like what they're saying, I'll keep my mouth shut like I have in the past; I am going to try my hardest to stop being so self conscious about what the Skid Kidz say about me (I mean, I named them Skid Kidz for a reason....); and I will act like I hyped up on Serotonin, Endorphins, and Dopamine to be the happiest, highest, drunk-sounding person in the world (I'll have to act like that when I work for Disney won't I??) I'll keep writing, if you keep reading! Until then... Laters.
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