well this is just GREAT!

Ok so of course I've royally screwed myself into the ground again. There are two reasons as to why I'm really upset/frustrated with myself. First is the fact that I allowed myself to fall into that stupid hole in the ground in terms of dating. Yes I went out on another date. Only this time it was successful and I have a second one. Bad idea seeing as I'm leaving in a week for the snow and icy life style of Saratoga Springs. I won't be home for a year and leaving that open for that long.... well it just basically won't happen. Justin was great on our date. We went to Old Spaghetti Factory (because you know me and my picky eating habits) and then we went to see Leap Year. It was an amazing movie, I recommend seeing it! Then we went to the restaurant that he works at and hung out there playing wii for a few hours. I came in second (lost to Justin). But his friends were so much fun to hang out with. I think that's when I realized that my sophomore dream guy was more than just a dream. I was convinced that he was going to be like all my other high school choices and we wouldn't hit it off. But hey that's what happens when you wait 5 years to go out with a guy... you both change and in this case, it strengthened my chances of falling for him. But I refuse to get hurt again. He wouldn't hurt me on purpose, I know, but me leaving will hurt me. It's kinda like fishing. You may have every intention of throwing the fish back into the ocean after you catch it but catching the fish will scare, hurt, and possibly scar the fish for life! I'm the fish and I'm chasing his bait. Do I dare bite it for a taste of pure bliss before I get hooked and have to suffocate for a minor minute while he unhooks me and throws me back, only to be disoriented and potentially somewhere I have no idea how to get back home? Why do I always risk the chance of falling for someone? I could've been a good girl and said no thanks but something about him made me say "I won't get hooked! It's Justin from high school." And now look where I am!! I'm not sure if I'm the one who changed so I like different guys now, if he's changed so he's the type of guy I like now, or if it's both. Either way I'm back to square one in terms of confusion in the department of dating. It also doesn't help that I'm still recovering from Adam. I really need to stop this jumping from guy to guy thing... I'm not as strong as I was in high school and I just can't emotionally deal with it anymore!

Second reason I'm screwed... I worked out twice yesterday. First ballet class (first time in a year!!) and that was tough! I'm no longer in high school, I have to keep remembering that because being out of shape takes a toll on your body :( Then I did p90x AB RIPPER!!!! AHHHHHHH bad mistake!! now I have to go riding for an hour or so and I think I may fall off my horse X( What possessed me to do such a work out schedule is beyond me.

So there you have it.... two stupid reasons as to why I'm an idiot and screwed myself into the ground. Hope you enjoyed reading all about my harsh week and it's only Tuesday!! Look back for more troubles headed my way :) Laters!