It's Official

I officially suck at blogging (it's been a month!!). I am officially 1/8th of a counselor. I have officially been working at Aloha Cafe for a month. I have officially hurt my hand (no clue what I did). I officially belong to a studio.

So here's what you've missed in the last month...

School: Report card's in and I got a 3.9 :) It's not a 4.0, which heaps of people got this term :/ but it's still better than I've gotten in the past. New goal, 4.0 for the next 7 terms and I will hopefully graduate with a 4.0. It's possible. I've seen it happen. I start next term in 3 weeks and I'm pretty nervous for it. I hear that it sucks significantly more than last term. But I AM excited to be going back soon. I miss having something to work on every night.

Friends: I haven't seen my friends here in about a week or so. I hung out with them a couple times after term ended but it was only weekend encounters. We all realized how much money we've spent over last term and how much we needed to stop going out. Unfortunately, saving money means less encounters when we're not in class together. They did hang out with J3 and me last last weekend when he was here. It was cool that they got to meet him :)

Boys: I was asked out by a 19-year-old. That was a bit of a weird one. J3 realized that he missed me and came up to visit two weeks ago :) I hadn't seen him since July 4th. We hit a rough patch at the end of July and he suggested we not talk for a couple days. A week after that, we started talking again and admited the uselessness of that "dry spell" as I like to call it. For us a dry spell is not talking. He thought that not talking to me would help him figure out what he wants but he said it didn't hep at all. He pretty much just got more confused. So now we're talking again. What will happen?? Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know what to think anymore. The only thing I do know is that I love him and until he moves on, I won't move on.

Misc: I work at Aloha Cafe and LOVE it!! It's a lot of fun and I get paid. So essentially I get paid to have fun :) I'm making new friends through the restaurant as well as through The Vibe. That's the studio I dance at. I love dancing there because I feel so at home there. Everyone is super nice and I get to freak them out by saying, "I'm 22 and moved here for grad school." They all thought I was 17/18 for a month. That was really funny. My counseling sessions are going great and I'm almost done with the required 10 sessions. Then I'll stop having $85 taken from my account every week. That's where most of my money is going to right now :/ Time feels like it's going by so fast yet so slow. I have everything for the year all planned out to the best of my ability. It makes my life so much more manageable. I'll be sure to try to update you more often. Until then... Laters

Gahhhhh

I can't believe it's been three weeks since I last updated you. Life has been crazy here in Bend. Mostly good but of course I AM an emotional roller coaster so here's what's pretty much been happening.
School:
Best thing happening to me at the moment. Provides much needed stability and normalcy. If I don't want to deal with life, school is what I rely on to get me through the moment. Unfortunately summer break is approaching at full speed and I'm dreading not having school for 6 weeks. What am I going to do?! I know I sound crazy when I say this but honestly with everything that's been changing in my life, school is the only thing that's remained the same. School is the same anywhere you go: you're expected to do your work, study hard, and you'll be rewarded.
Friends:
My friends here are awesome. I love them to death and while they are mostly older than me (25-30) we still have fun going out together. Of course most of them have jobs, families/husbands, and lives that keep them busy so fitting in with them when they're talking about their mother-in-law or their kids or their co-workers, etc. is kind of difficult. Mostly I hang out with Sarah, Robbie, and Jaclyn because we're all between the ages of 21 and 23. We all have different interests but we have fun hanging out regardless.
Boys:
This is where life gets to that emotional roller coaster I've been talking about. J3 and I had been talking a lot and we've kind of come to a halt in our.... friendship/relationship. I didn't know what we were until now. He's not ready for another relationship and I wanted to get back with him so we kind of struggled with our communication. Mostly my fault for not saying what I was really feeling and letting him say here's what we're gonna do. So of course after being hurt enough I snapped and I'm not so proud to say that we're not really on great terms anymore. It sucks. It REALLY sucks. He still wants me in his life as a friend but I don't think I'm mature enough for that so I'm pretty much keeping it a shallow friendship consisting mostly of "I need nutrition advice" and "can you help me" situations. I've started to talk to other guys, mostly ex's, about why he has such control over me and all they could really say is that I'm not over him. WELL DUHHHHH I could've told you that!! Part of me still wants to wait it out and see what might happen but another part is telling me "you've been through enough it's time to pull the plug." Putting something to sleep is never easy but sometimes it's for the best. When I'm not talking to him I'm less stressed out and kind of happier but I also don't feel complete. It's like no one can make me feel as good about myself than he can.... It's weird I know. I think I need to get over him.
Probably one of the best things that came out of my struggle with J3 is the reconnection I made with Nick. Yes my ex Nick from Hawaii that is so different from me that I still don't know how we get along so well. I started texting him and he's helping me to figure myself out. Whenever I'm not feeling great or I have the urge to talk to J3, I text him and he makes everything seem perfect. Nothing to worry about, everything to smile about. I don't know what made me lose contact with him for so long.... oh wait yes I do, 6000+ miles and a whole mess of boy drama in college. Ugh well, there's no one here for me to date so there's really no drama left and now I'm only 3000+ miles away. Ergo, TEXT!!
Is it possible to use guy to get over another guy?? or I guess more so I'm asking, is it OK or healthy?? What if I don't want to get over J3?? UGHHHHH stupid Oregon and your young marriage age.... STOP MAKING ME THINK ABOUT IT!!! This is why I made it known at Skidmore that I'm never getting married. It's too much stress!! Grrrrrrr

In other news: I'm crazy. The end.

Well not really the end. I don't have much else to catch you up on but I'm sure as time goes by I'll think of more to write. Hopefully I'll be back within the week. Until then... Laters

Finish 3rd Week of Grad School... CHECK!!

Hey everyone. Sorry for being a little MIA but seriously... life has started to run away with me. Every since the crash I've found myself at the core of a world full of paperwork and responsibilities. Being grown up is no fun. I've had to be on the phone with Geico and my dad and Honda for what feels like two weeks straight. Thankfully nothing is too complicated when it's taken step by step. I think I would've shut down if my dad wasn't there for me the whole time. I'm starting to believe that I'm never going to be an independent person. There are just some people who can't make it on their own, and I think I'm one of them... It's not a bad thing, it's just not what I had hoped would be my fate. Regardless, I am thankful for everything that he has done for me. Him and Jeremy. J3 has been my shoulder to cry on ever since I met him and this time is no different. Whenever I feel overwhelmed I can text him and say that I'm fine but he always knows that there's something wrong and he'll talk to me until the tears have cleaned itself out. I hope he knows just how much I appreciate his presence. I know it's not his place anymore since we're just friends but he's still there for me no matter what. I really love that I have someone like that in my life. I think that everyone should have someone like that and I think that's what pushed me into following my path straight into grad school for counseling.

Speaking of school, I'm one class short of finishing my third week of grad school and I'm still loving it as much as when I started. Every day there's another instant feeling of pride and accomplishment. I'm not sure where it comes from but I like having it. None of that delayed gratification crap for me haha... kidding. This past weekend was the first weekend I felt like I fell behind in work because I spent it down in Ashland for the Fourth of July. Although I feel like I fell behind, I really didn't. All that happened was that I didn't read the chapter for today 3 times (just twice). Yes, because I had nothing to do last weekend I read every chapter in my books for the week multiple times. I felt like I was in a state of depression. While I was getting a lot of work done, I wasn't happy. School was the only thing getting me out of the apartment and it was all I had to look forward to. Now I have friends and love school. It's funny how much happier I get when I have a balanced life and friends who share the same beliefs as I do and encourage me to have fun while still loving school.

This week began the three part Harry Potter party. Yesterday we watched HP1 and HP2 while munching on pumpkin pastries and licorice wands and drinking pumpkin juice and butter beer. Yes it was all home made and AMAZING!! Sunday we're watching HP3, 4, and 5. Then next week Wednesday we're watching 6 and 7 part 1. Then we're going to the midnight showing after class on Thursday. We're all really excited for it and I can't wait to see what else we find to do while killing time in between classes.

Today I got all caught up with my work and found that I have more time than I thought I did. My dad bought me a dining room set (a table and four chairs) so now I never leave the living room. At least I'm getting out of my room right?? I miss having housemates and people to hang out with at home. Don't get me wrong, I love my new friends that I'm making but most of them have families that they commit most of their time to. At least in Nwoods I had that family feel too you know?? Hopefully I'll be able to get over that soon, it's a real mood killer.

I think I'll have more time to update you because I don't really have any more holidays coming up taking me out of town plus I have a lot of projects to start and finish within the next month... Only 5 weeks left of term!! Sad I won't be able to see J3 because of our busy schedules but we knew that would happen (one of the many reasons we aren't back together). I still can't believe I am where I am. It doesn't feel like I'll be completely moved in before I have to pick up and move again. You think I should bring that up in my therapy sessions?? I think so. Anyway, as I learn more, you'll learn more. Keep following!! Until then... Laters

I survived

It's time to celebrate because I just survived week 1 of grad school. Saturday (class/day 1) was the worst. It was from 9am-5pm with an hour for lunch. There were both 3rd years (part time) and 1st years (full time) in the class. It felt like a lot of information thrown at me and I was a bit intimidated. Of course the 3rd years talked the most because they knew what they were talking about. They had already had theory courses and experience to base their observations off of. The poor 1st years were sitting in their seats with their jaws wide open because we felt so lost. I admit, I was scared that I wasn't prepared for this.

Monday (class/day 2) was methods class. I walked in with an uncomfortable stride and sat in the front row in the center of the row. I was NOT ashamed of being the nerd because I knew that I was scared of failing. Half an hour into class we go over the syllabus. A two page research proposal and a final exam is all that I see under assignments. WHAT?! Then we got into lecture. We went over a few things in summary (all of which I have learned in detail at Skidmore) as well as the purpose of a theoretical framework and literature review. Then our instructor asked the question, "Is there such a thing as too big a sample?" My head nods yes while others say I have no idea. Then she asks for those of us saying yes, why? My hand goes up and she calls on people from the back to the front so I'm the last to answer. Now I swear, Professor Fox must have said, "If you learn anything from me, let it be this..." at least a half dozen times. This is one of those things that he's told us to remember!! And this is what I said, "Law of probability. The bigger your sample is, the more likely you are to find what you are testing for, even if there isn't a correlation there." Apparently that's what the instructor was looking for because she stopped calling on people to give their answers. THANK YOU FOXY!!!!!!! After this class I was feeling much better about my standing in grad school.

Tuesday (class/day 3) was Pre-Practicum. This was the day that we got into our cohort of 38 people and then split up into our tracks of mental health, community counseling, and school counseling. There are nine people in the school counseling track and only seven who are full time. This class was fun because we really got to see how different we were from the other counselors. After class I was supposed to drive down to Ashland. I got into a car wreck because a deer jumped out in front of me. I ended up rolling my car off the side of the hwy and totaling it. I'm fine, physically. I don't think I'll be driving long distances for a while. It's hard to live in a place all alone and deal with something like that. Jeremy was nice enough to drive up and be with me to make sure I was alright, both physically and mentally/emotionally. Today I'm still a little sore but nothing too serious.

Thursday (class/day 4) was theories class. This is probably going to be my hardest class by far. There are a lot of theorists that overlap in their teachings so separating them out and learning about them will be a task. Luckily our biggest paper is only 5 pages and it asks, "What theorist do you most identify with and why?" The final is open book open notes. I'm glad they're starting us off with easy courses. It's a nice way to ease in to the grad school life.

I'm not really sure what I have planned for the weekend but with no friends my age, I can't imagine I'd be doing much. I'll be sure to keep you updated.Until then... Laters

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes...

Except in this case. I just woke up from a terrible dream that I am interpreting into a lesson I learned from Skidmore. Let's start with the dream (if you don't want to hear about the dream I apologize but it's a bit important to my epiphany tonight):

It all started with me sending out text messages asking if anyone wanted to go out before school started. None of my friends that I usually go out with responded so I asked a couple of "irregulars." These people consisted of Hawaii friends, family, and friends that I met in California last year. I'm not really sure where this part of the dream took place but somehow we were all in the same area. Anyway, no one responded right away except my almost 16-year-old cousin. She gave me a pity text that stated, "Sure you can hang out with me. What kind of hanging out did you want to do?" I'm not really sure what that meant but I knew that if I hung out with her, I would be hanging out with 16-year-olds. I wasn't about to crash her party, plus I don't know her friends. Finally someone responded and I ended up hanging out with my friend Isaac from Hawaii, Jeremy from Oregon, and all of his friends from University of Redlands (which are the California friends I met last year that I mentioned before).
Somehow I'm all of a sudden at Skidmore and we're all in the same classes together. Our first class was in some room that doesn't exist but it had the same feeling as the ICC. This room, however, was underground and REALLY dirty. I can't even describe how disgusting it was. Anyway, we had class and we were supposed to go to the next class together but the group of people I was with ditched me like I was a high school dork trying to fit in with the cool kids. I looked at my schedule and saw that my next class was in the library. I heard someone say that it started in 15 seconds. I ran as fast as I could to the library. Skidmore in my dream was no where near as small as it actually is. So I get to the library, see class already starting, and try to find the room where I'm supposed to "check in" (what ever that means). I trip and fall all over tables, chairs, and people, get in trouble for causing a disturbance, and then get to class late. This is when I woke up in a panic that I missed my first day of class, only to realize I'm still in California.

So where is the lesson you may ask?? I'll tell you: All year I have been a part of FightClub. Multiple conflict coaches and friends have told me to be fearless because I let my fears paralyze me from doing what I want to do. Here's where my epiphany kicks in. As much as I want to be fearless, I don't think that it's right for me.

One of my classmates once said that learning begins where comfort ends. I left my life in comfy little Hawaii to fly 6,000+ miles to a small city in upstate New York. After taking four years to get comfortable in snowy little Skidmore, I'm on the move again to a school in Oregon, which I might add is 3,000+ miles away from any place I've ever called home.

Putting the two previous paragraphs together... If I were fearless, I would never be uncomfortable. If I were never uncomfortable, I would never learn. I put on a brave face and pretend like a big change is the best thing to happen in my life, when in reality, I have no idea what to expect, and that scares me. It scares me enough to wake me from a dream every night for a week around 5am, before I finally realize what I'm fighting and why I'm scared. Truth is, I have no idea what will happen in the next month, let alone the next two years of graduate school. I learned that not facing my fear of being uncomfortable leads to a path of misery for two years, only to be followed by a semester of going abroad, a semester of having no friends because they're all abroad while I've returned, and finally a year of comfort and fun. Well, I don't have four years at this school, so I have to figure out how to get comfortable before I graduate. In order to do that, I have to stop fighting my fear and start learning from my discomfort. I will not gravitate towards the group of Asians quietly sitting in the corner of the classroom. I will not change my moral beliefs to fit in with the loud fun-loving students who never study but still manage to get good grades. I will not hold onto the past because I'm uncomfortable with the present and the uncertainty of the future. I can't wait to see how this works out for me since I start classes on Saturday. I'm really nervous and yes, I'll admit scared. But if I wasn't, I would worry that I wasn't human. Next time I update you I'll probably be talking about school and all my struggles with it. Hopefully the dreams stop soon!! Until then... Laters

SUCCESS!!!!

I found an apartment, I'm semi moved in, I have my books... There's a lot of stuff going on right now. I'm pretty much taking it day by day, hour by hour at this point. I'm pretty overwhelmed by it all. First I wanna make a shout out to the Boston Bruins and Red Sox for winning both their games last night!! I've been really excited with the games this week :D The Bruins are going to win the Stanley Cup!!!! That's my prediction.

Moving on: I have class on June 18th. Yes, June 18th, the Saturday before the quarter officially starts... LAME!! Whatever, it'll get my mind moving. I've been stressing out about not knowing what's really going on so much lately that having a schedule will be nice. I have 8 weeks of summer term and then 6 weeks of break. I have big plans for my new life in Oregon and I can't wait until I have enough time to really implement them. I can't really do anything until I have furniture though :/

Tomorrow I leave for Cali for my cousin's high school graduation. I won't be able to watch game 5 of the Stanley Cup because I'll be at dinner in Cali :'( I'll be watching closely on twitter though. Not to mention I'll be sportin' my Bruins shirt :D I'll be back in Bend Friday night so that I can get to class Saturday morning. I'm so excited to meet new friends. That isn't to say that my college friends will be replaced!! Much like my high school friends weren't replaced by my college friends. I actually have missed my college friends like crazy these last couple of weeks. I can't imagine how much I'll miss them when I'm actually "supposed" to see them... like in September when Skidmore starts. Sigh... This is gonna be a harsh summer break. I probably won't update for a while since I have a lot to do between now and my next breather. Keep checking back because I will eventually get around to updating you. Until then... Laters

Final Destination

OREGON!! I've finally reached Oregon, my final destination. We're staying in Redmond, which is about a half hour away from Bend. It's time for me to start looking for apartments. Tomorrow I will drive around Bend and see what the neighborhoods look like. Then I have until Friday to really find a place to live. There's so much to do and so little time. After this week I will be headed down to California for my cousin's high school graduation. I'm starting to stress out about finding a place to live and getting all my school materials and everything else by the time we leave for California. I was stressing about it as soon as we passed the state line!! But of course, with the help of one very special friend, I was reminded that everything will work out. I obviously don't always believe that, but something tells me that eventually everything will in fact work out.

The first thing we did when we got to Bend was watch the Bruins/Canucks game 2 of the Stanley Cup. The Bruins lost :( I was heartbroken but at least it was an exciting game. You can't really watch a hockey game and not get excited. The next game is Monday and it's a home game so you KNOW that the Bruins will win (the crowd does a lot for the team). And you better believe that I'll be there at the TV cheering them on!! haha

When I figure out where I'm living and get things at least a little settled, I will be sure to update you. So keep checking back!! Until then... Laters

On The Road: Day 9

Hello hello!! I'm currently in Spokane after a very successful day of traveling. We were planning on driving straight to Spokane, WA from Butte, MT. About halfway through our drive we saw a billboard for a city in Idaho called Wallace. It is the silver capitol of the world (or something like that). Basically, when you drive into the city it's like going back in time a little. The city is really small and everyone waves to each other. W took a tour of a silver-iron mine and the town. I even bought a "finger friend." It's a gem glued to a ring with googly eyes. Surprisingly REALLY cute. I named mine Porcus Wally. He's emerald green like my birthstone. Anyway, we spent a couple of hours in Wallace and then we got back on the road for Spokane. We got into the city by 5 and just hung out in the room until now (10:15). The hotel had free cookies in the lobby at 7 and they were DELICIOUS!! We made a pretty good choice hanging out in the hotel all night since we were all pretty exhausted from doing too much all at once.

This was a significantly better traveling day than yesterday. Although we didn't do as much we still had a great time venturing through the west. For the entire ride we listened to country music because that was the only station that we could get. I like country music so I had a great time driving. My sister, on the other hand, looked like she might have jumped out the car going 70mph if she didn't have her ipod on extra loud. It's a good thing she can sleep in cars!!

Tomorrow we head down to Redmond to start our search for apartments. It's sad to think that this is the end of our adventure driving through the U. S. of A. but I'm more than ready to settle down and find a place I can call my own for the next 24 months (hotels make me miss my own bedding). I may not update as frequently once this trip is over because, let's face it, my life isn't this exciting all the time. However, I do have a couple camping trips planned out for the summer with a friend of mine who lives in Oregon, so you'll be able to read all about it. Thanks for following me from east to west and taking this great journey with me. Be sure to keep checking back for more updates!! Until then... Laters

On The Road: Day 8

Good morning all. Let me tell you about our adventure last night, and why I am updating you this morning instead of last night. We were planning on leaving the hotel in Custer around 6 like we did the day before because we had what we thought would be an 8 hour drive to Yellowstone. We woke up and the office to check out wasn't open until 7:30. So we had to wait. When the lady finally got there we checked out and she tried to get us to stay for breakfast. She talked to me and asked me all kinds of questions and when I finally said we're running an hour behind schedule, she said, "OK well thanks for stopping in." You think she was lonely?? Anyway, we got on the road and put Old Faithful into my GPS. Apparently Old Faithful is an hour more into the park than just the 8 hours of getting to the gate. So OK, 9 hours from our location and we were leaving an hour later than planned. We still would have gotten to the hotel in Butte by about 10 or 11, if all had gone according to plan. We drive for about 7 and a half hours and get to the East gate, only to find out that it's closed until 8pm. The worker at the gate told us that we had to go back out on the road we came to the city called Cody and then take another highway up to the Northeast entrance. Now if you've ever gone to Yellowstone, you know that there's only one road for about an hour past the closest city to the entrance you want to go through. So we U-turned and drove for an hour back the way we came on the same road, just to find out that the Northeast entrance is another 3 and a half hours away from Cody. So now we've tagged on 3 and a half hours to our trip. Then we FINALLY get to the Northeast entrance and look at the map to see where we needed to go to get to Old Faithful. Just our luck, of course, Old Faithful is down at the Southwest section of the park. So not only do we tag on another hour and half of driving down to the geyser, but we also have to to back track in order to get to the road we want to take to get to Butte.

Let me try to draw this image for you for those who have not been to Yellowstone. There Are four entrances, the Northeast, East, South, and West. The map looks like a wheel with spokes coming out from it and one road that goes through the middle of the park. Old Faithful is down between the West and South entrances and past the road in the road in the middle of the park. We entered in the NE gate which is the furthest point from Old Faithful. We took a left after getting into the park thinking that we could drive to the road that cuts across the circle and then down to the SW part of the park. About 3 miles into the park, we come across a sign that said the road is closed. So we turn back around, go all the way around the north end of the park and then south. Look at a map sometime and see how many times we drove on the same road to back track.

Moving on: We FINALLY get to Old Faithful. It's about 9pm and (LUCKILY) the gift shop closes at 9:30. So we run in and see if we can buy our souvenirs before they close. Oh did I mention that it's snowing?? Well, that's a lie. Snow implies fluffy, pretty snow. This was wind with dry snow so it hurt when, what looked like little Styrofoam balls, pelted you. AND all three of us are dressed for summer whether. Yes, we had long jeans and long sleeve shirts on, but we had as our thickest piece of clothing, a hoodie. We basically froze waiting for the geyser to erupt. By the time it did erupt it was almost dark, about 9:45. Once that was done we ran to the car, frozen to the bone, and thawed out before heading out to Butte, which is where I am right now.

We drove all the way to Butte (about 3 and half hours) and managed to get a little lost (tagging on another half hour). Finally at about 2 in the morning we get to the hotel. We check in and get our key, which of course doesn't work. So we had to go back to the front desk and the guy had to use his master key to get us into the hotel. I crashed as soon as I could and just woke up now.

So that's our adventure from yesterday. Today we drive to Sokane, WA. It's only a 5 hour drive so we'll be exploring a little along the way. I think this is where my first lesson from Skidmore comes into play: Learn to go with the flow. I'm one who likes to plan. This trip has definitely taught me to be prepared for what ever may go wrong, much like in class when I show up unprepared for class. I bet not many of you knew that I came to class unprepared huh?? haha well, that's life!! Be sure to check back and I'll let you know when I get to Spokane. Until then... Laters

On The Road: Day 7

Here I am in Custer, South Dakota. Yes, yes. You're all asking, "Why Custer?" Mount Rushmore is in Keystone. Well, the answer: just 4 miles away from Custer is Crazy Horse Monument. We thought that Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse were a lot farther apart than they really were. We booked out hotel as far west as we could because we do have a lot of driving to do tomorrow. So today we stopped at Mt. Rushmore, walked the presidential trail, and even saw someone up on top of the mountain. That person was walking around between Washington's head and Jefferson's head. That area is restricted so the worker that we pointed him/her out to had to call security to notify the proper authorities. We listened to a couple of talks about the mountain and why those four presidents were chosen. I think I've learned more about our nation's history in the last two weeks than I did when I was taking American History during my sophomore year of high school.

After exhausting all of our activities at Mt. Rushmore, we drove over to Crazy Horse. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about (and I don't blame you, I had no idea who he was before this): Crazy Horse was the name of a Native American chief who fought for his people's freedom He refused to live on a reserve and led the battle of Little Big Horn. He was stabbed in the back, which is how his life ended prematurely. There is some discrepancy as to whether he was stabbed by one of his own or an opposing soldier. This project is currently being built and only the face of Crazy Horse is complete. If you want to learn a little more, here's the link: http://www.crazyhorsememorial.org/

It's pretty cool to check out and see the progress from one man to a whole production helping to build it. At night they have a laser show projected on the side of the mountain. It's called Legends in Lights. We saw it and I have to say, it's no Disney park show but it was still pretty neat. Some of the images were a little hard to identify, but that could very well come from my limited knowledge of Native American artifacts. As I walked around I noticed that nothing was documented very well (this coming from my Anthropology/Archaeology minor background). Most of the artifacts they had on display, I am pleased to announce, were donated from families and direct lines to the tribes they belonged to, meaning they weren't discovered underground and therefore aren't really missing their documentations of where they are from. However, I did see some flakes and projectile points unlabeled :(

Tomorrow we head out to Yellowstone National Park, which is an 8 hour drive. We're going to stay there for a few hours and then head out to Butte, Montana. We will spend the night in Butte (no I have no idea what there is to do in Butte, it's just a random place I decided to see) and then head to our second to last stop after that. I am almost done with my road trip and I am EXHAUSTED!! I can't believe that people did this trek with horses and buggies. Keep checking back for my last few posts about my road trip and the future adventures I will experience. Until then... Laters

On The Road: Day 6

Hello from Omaha!! Today we drove from the Mall of America, down SE to Dyersville, IA. I drove first. We went to Dyersville to see the Field of Dreams movie site. It was pretty cool!! The only thing I was bummed about was that there was no corn field because (duh) it's not in season. So throughout our ENTIRE drive down to Omaha, there were no corn fields. After Dyersville we attempted to find a Bass Pro Shop in Altoona but we couldn't find it. So we headed out to Council Bluffs via Des Moines. After a quick stop at Bass Pro we headed over to Omaha. I was able to hit the old market and pedestrian bridge as well as meet up with Emily from Dance for the Child for dessert.

Now we're at the hotel getting ready for bed. Tomorrow we're going up to Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse. We'll be staying near Crazy Horse and heading out the next day for Yellowstone National Park. It's going to be a fun day in the sun tomorrow so I have to remember to drink lots of water (I tend to forget to do that a lot). Keep checking back for more updates!! Until then... Laters

On The Road: Day 5

Well technically we weren't on the road (and yes, I am posting a day late because I was so tired yesterday that I forgot to post last night). Yesterday we shopped until we dropped... LITERALLY!! It was the day for Mall of America. We woke up, ate breakfast, and went to the mall by 10am. We picked up our tickets for the amusement park. It used to be camp snoopy but now it's Nickelodeon Universe. We rode rides for about 2 hours before beginning to shop. The mall if 3 levels of shops and food and on the fourth level is mostly nightlife activities like clubs and bars. There's a sea life aquarium and a miniature gold course. We decided that the aquarium and the golf course we could do without so we focused mainly on the park and shopping. Overall we ended up staying from 10am to 5pm (felt like a full work day). Our feet were sore and we had done enough shopping (yes, I bought quite a bit). We headed back to the hotel and dropped onto the beds. Took a nap and at 8 went back to the mall for dinner. As much fun as I had at the Mall of America, it's still second place to Disneyland.

Today we hit the road again. First we're going to Dyersville, Iowa to see the movie set for Field of Dreams. Then my cousin is obsessed with this chain of stores called Bass Pro Shops so we're going to go to two of them--one on our way to Des Moines and one on our way to Omaha--to make him jealous and buy him a shirt. One of them has a bowling ally so we may bowl a game before moving on. So after visiting the Field of Dreams, Bass Pro, Des Moines, and Bass Pro, we will arrive in Omaha. I'm pretty excited to see a bunch of corn fields because secretly I'm a farm girl. I love wide open spaces where someday I will live so that I can buy a horse and ride until I get lost and have no idea where my house is (believe me, it WILL happen). I will be sure to update you once I get settled at the hotel, so keep checking back, thanks for reading, and sorry for the late post!! Until then, Laters.

On The Road: Day 4

I almost drowned today. Here's what happened: We woke up in Terre Haute and hit the road by 8am. We drove to Chicago and saw Wrigley Field (home of the Cubs), United Center (home of the Bulls), and Soldier Field (home of the Bears). Well we sort of saw all those places. It was raining very hard and I could barely see 5 feet in front of me. After getting out of the city we stopped at a HUGE rest stop. It was literally like a food court in a mall. After getting some food and stretching our legs a bit, we headed back outside. At this point it was pouring buckets, lightning, and thundering outside. I was absolutely drenched after a second of being out from under the covers. I like storms, but this was just crazy!! I hopped in the back seat of the car and bundled up in hoodies and jackets and passed out.

I woke up an hour later to find out that we were in Wisconsin filling up gas. It was cloudy but not raining so I was a little disoriented for a while. I passed back out and woke up an hour later when we were at another rest stop. I moved to the front of the car and became navigator for the remainder of the trip. Just shy of two hours later we were in Minnesota looking at the Mall of America. It is GIGANTIC!! There are no words to describe this mall. You just have to see it. I can't wait to go in it. We got here after 7 and it's Sunday so we only have one day at the mall. Tomorrow we spend all day riding rides, shopping, and having fun in the mall. Then we spend the next night here again and head out to Omaha the next day.

We are well on our way to the west and I can't help but think about the fact that with each day I get farther and farther away from the place I called home for the last four years but closer and closer to the place I called home for 18 years before then and the place I will call home in the near future. It's weird to think about where I've been and the adventures I still have waiting for me (which you will get to read about!!). I can't wait to experience them and write them all down here. For now, I best be getting to bed because I have a full day of shopping to do tomorrow!! Until than... Laters

On The Road: Day 3

Lucky me!! Tomorrow is the Indianapolis 500 and that means that EVERY hotel within a 70 mile radius from Indianapolis is full. I had no idea that this was going on so I booked a room last night for a hotel in Terre Haute, IN. The original plan was to stay in Hoosierville, IN. The reason I wanted to stay near Hoosierville was that I took Intro to American Studies with Professor Nathan and we learned all about the history of basketball. Ever since I took that class Sophomore year and saw the movie Hoosiers, I've wanted to visit Hoosierville. Well, I tried to look up hotels in the area and nothing came up on priceline, expedia, or hotwire. So I expanded my search, found a place for about $65 in Terre Haute. Not bad, right? I figured, I just want to see Hoosierville and then we can be on our way, so staying about 20 minutes away wouldn't kill me. I'll get to why I'm lucky in a couple paragraphs.

So here's what happened today: In the morning we woke up at about 6am, ate breakfast at our hotel in Harrisonburg, and hit the road around 7am. Now, I'm a HUGE fan of chick-flicks so I suddenly remembered that Win A Date With Tad Hamilton took place in Fraziers Bottom, WV. Naturally, I just HAD to see it. We took about 3 hours to get there and took a couple pictures of things that said Fraziers Bottom on it (needless to say, there's not much too look at. It's very country, complete with cows, sheep, and horses. Oh, and LOTS of green). We needed gas so we took that opportunity to stretch our legs and switch drivers. Then we continued driving to Cincinnati, OH. We stopped in Cincinnati for a 4pm dinner (we skipped lunch because we were driving so we were pretty hungry at this point) and then got back on the road. So far, we've only spent a maximum of 4 hours in the car at a time (I think).

Now here's the funny part of the story. We got in the car after dinner in Cincinnati and headed to try to find Hoosierville. We got to Brazil, IN with hardly any trouble. They were doing some construction on the highway so we missed our exits a couple of times, but nothing too bad. Then we drove around for a while in what looked like a residential area. We used our phones to look up Hoosierville since my GPS did not recognize that as a location. The phone showed Hoosierville as literally a block of land that we drove around in less than 5 minutes. I think Skidmore is bigger than Hoosierville!! There were no signs that said that where we were was Hoosierville, so I'm not entirely convinced that it was (it didn't look like the movie setting). After driving around and seeing cute little cottage-like houses we gave up and headed for Terre Haute for the hotel. Hoosierville was an EPIC fail.

OK, so why am I lucky?? When we got to the hotel and checked in, the lady at the front said, "We're glad you're here and we're glad you could get a room." I asked why and she explained the situation, which I explained in the beginning of this post. Sure enough, after I had checked in I heard a few people asking if they had any vacancies in the hotel. Wow!! I would say that makes me pretty lucky to have a place to stay tonight.

Tomorrow we have another long day of driving ahead of us. The plan as of now is to leave Terre Haute around 8, have a late lunch/early dinner in Chicago, IL before arriving at our final destination in Bloomington, MN at around 7 or 8pm. We will be spending two nights in Bloomington so that we have a full day to shop at the Mall of America without having to worry about where we're staying or when we're leaving. After that, it's off to Omaha, NE!! Be sure to check back to see what randomness we encounter tomorrow :) Until then... Laters.

On The Road: Day 2

Touch down in Harrisonburg, VA. I am EXHAUSTED. Here's what we did today...

We woke up in Philly around 7am and left for the city around 8:30. We took a tour of Independence Hall, saw the liberty bell, and walked around the city from 6th and Market to 3rd and South. We ate at Steaks on South. I had a real Philly cheese steak sandwich. It was amazing. Then we had Rita's Water Ice for dessert and headed back to the car to start driving to Virginia. We stopped in DC for a small snack at Current Sushi because one of my friends from Hawaii works there. I haven't seen her in 3 years and it was nice to catch up a little. By 8:30 we were back on the road. I kept a watchful eye on my phone since I get twitter updates from the Bruins sent to my inbox. I followed the whole game on the drive down the Harrisonburg from DC. I yelled and sat on the edge of my seat most of the drive because up until 6 minutes before the end, the game was scoreless and power playless. Then the Bruins scored and won the game!! I'm so excited that I will get to hear all about their next games for the Stanly Cups (I'm a pretty big Bruins fan). In the down time that I wasn't reciting Bruins updates, I was singing to my favorite songs on my iPod. I'm just going to say, there's a reason I dance!! My singing is terrible!! But it kept me up to help navigate while my sister drove from DC to Harrisonburg.

Now we're at the hotel and about to go to bed. Tomorrow we're headed up through Cincinnati, OH to Hoosierville, IN and spending the night there (we're leaving at 7am). We're trying to get to Bloomington, MN by Sunday so we have to drive a lot tomorrow and the day after. After tomorrow we're going up through Chicago to get to Bloomington, MN. Of course, we will probably stop at random places along the way but at the moment, our goal is to get to Mall of America for Memorial Day SALES :P Keep checking back for more updates!! Until then... Laters.

On The Road: Day 1

Well, it's official!! I'm on the road en route to Oregon. Of course with me, everything is an adventure, and my family and I aren't just driving to Oregon. Here's our simplified route. Saratoga, NY--> Boston, MA--> Farmington, CT--> Philadelphia, PA-->Harrisonburg, VA--> Hooserville, IN--> Chicago, IL--> Bloomington, MN--> Omaha, NE--> Mt. Rushmore, SD--> Yellowstone National Park, WY--> Bute, MT--> Spokane, WA--> Bend, OR. Of course, there is always room for additions, deletions, and extensions. We essentially have until June 16th to get to Oregon.

So far, we've left Saratoga and explored Boston for my birthday (yes, I'm 22 now. How scary is it to know I'm growing up?!). My birthday in Boston was absolutely fantastic!! I walked the entirety of the Freedom Trail and enjoyed yummy Boston foods. Not to mention took tours of my favorite ballpark, Fenway Park, and this year I even got to visit the home of the Boston Bruins and Celtics, TD Garden!! I was very disappointed that the Bruins lost game 6 on my birthday, but with my family NOTHING feels like a disappointment. This morning (May 26th) my mom and dad said good bye as they boarded their plane to go home to Hawaii while Auntie Sandy, Rendi (sister), and I loaded up the car once again. Loading up this car is getting to be an adventure in and of itself!! We keep buying more and more souvenirs. Another great adventure: Toll roads. We have fun scrambling to see who of the two passengers in the car can produce the exact change first. It's even more funny when we produce the wrong amount and have to scramble again to get the right amount to the toll collector before they get mad or the people behind us get mad. Hawaii sure has spoiled me with nice people and free roads!!

We drove for two hours and stopped in Farmington, CT for lunch at my favorite restaurant, The Rainforest Cafe. I try to eat at every Rainforest Cafe I see, even though they have the same menu at each location. Once we had eaten more than enough and walked around a bit, we hopped back in the car and hit the road en route to Philadelphia. We got stuck in traffic three times: once in the Bronx and twice in New Jersey. Both New York and New Jersey drivers scare me!! My sister drove to Philadelphia while I panicked that we were going to get hit by crazy drivers next to us. We finally arrived in Philadelphia around 8 and after checking in to our hotel we went to have an experience at Sonic. We had never eaten at Sonic but we always see the commercials. It was weird having people come to our car. This really puts a whole new worry in my mind regarding the laziness of Americans. At least I can say I ate there!! Then we drove into the city center to see the city lights. We walked around the Philadelphia Museum of Art and I ran up and down the famous Rocky Stairs. I ran up first for a photo (of course!!) and then I ran down thinking that I forgot my own camera in my bag that I left at the bottom of the stairs. I really wanted to take a picture of the skyline from the top of the stairs. Once I got to the bottom I realized that my camera had been in my pocket the whole time, so I ran back up the stairs to take the picture. Can I just say that it's 84 degrees and humid here?! Running up and down those stairs was not the best idea I've had. Regardless, I had fun.

Tomorrow we're exploring around Philadelphia a little more and then we're headed down to West Virginia. We'll spend the night in Harrisonburg and then head on to Hooserville. I can't wait to see what adventures await us!! Check back tomorrow and I'll let you know what troubles we get ourselves into :) Until then... Laters.

Lovin' Boston

Boston truly is my favorite place to be. I turn 22 tomorrow... WEIRD. And I'm still loving being in Boston. My family and I did so much these last two days. In no particular order, we visited Harvard, toured Fenway Park, walked around The Garden, visited the Museum of Fine Arts, hung out with Matt, played candle pin bowling, and SO much more. We've walked around so much and have done so much that I couldn't possibly put them all into words here on one blog. My post would go on FOREVER. Although, I do have to confess that thanks to Bessey I'm officially a hockey watcher and now thanks to Boston, I have a team to cheer for. The Bruins are where my energy is now going toward. Red Sox will always be my first favorite Boston team. Celtics came second, and now I have the Bruins to love. My parents are trying to get me to love the Patriots but to be honest, I don't like watching football in the slightest. So that may not happen... But it's nice to have a focus ;) I have a deal with Bessey and for all you reading this, you may serve as my witness: He is going to try his hardest to make it onto the Bruins. When he makes the team, I will buy EVERYTHING with his name and number on it (I mean, he IS #1) and he will get me free tickets. Hopefully he won't forget the girl who took him home after Jr Ring and went to every home game to support him playing in the '10-'11 school year at Skidmore, because I know I will never forget my English class with him where he first told me that he was branded as a hockey player. Ever since that class, he has been my hockey boy.

Haha, anyway, I'm exhausted from another exciting day in Boston. I think we're going to the aquarium tomorrow... not quite sure, we kinda just play it by ear day-to-day. Regardless, I know with my family I will have a lot of fun. We laugh so much when we're together. I will be sure to update you every day when I hit the road again. Until then... Laters.

Please check my new blog!!

http://murodac.blogspot.com/2011/05/first-things-first.html

School's Out!!

Hey everyone!! So it has been a while since I’ve updated this (AGAIN >_<), so here’s the abridged version.

Classes ended and I made a new friend :) His name is Matt and he's awesomely weird lol. We get along because of our weirdnesses. We had one class each semester together each semester and we only started talking when classes were done. He has SAD so I was very interested in talking with him about it (since that's what I wanna study and work with professionally). We became a lot closer than I ever thought possible in just a week. Then again that's how I felt about Chris when I met him in November. I just meet my best friends late in life... case in point fab 5 arose senior year of high school :/ What is wrong with me?? Don't answer that. Anyway, I didn't have finals so I got drunk a lot with other people who didn't have finals because we were just SO unbelievably bored. Finally it was senior week!!!

Senior week… Aiyayai that went by way too fast. Although I didn’t go to many events, I still had a lot of fun.

Friday was the kick off and because I was exhausted, I decided to ditch that after getting my wristband.

Saturday was senior fun day and I didn’t go to that either. Raisa and I decided to play just dance 2 on the wii instead. I did wanna go check it out but we were tired after playing and it was raining so Raisa said she didn’t wanna walk in the rain. I refuse to go to it by myself since I had too many enemies on campus.

Sunday my housemates didn’t wanna go bowling so we ditched that too, although we did get absolutely TRASHED. Matt also stopped by with Chris and we played doubles ruit. It was so much fun because we all won one and lost one. Matt and I made a pretty good team but then we got raped by Raisa and Chris.

Monday was the Booze Cruise and oh man was that fun!! There was a dance floor on the second level and I had the time of my life. I didn’t drink anything because of the rough night the night before but I still had a lot of fun ;) Monday was also Freshman dorm night. That was absolute crap because half the places were non-existent or not open, or unaware that we had something going on. Most people hit up Tavern after 1 or DA’s before that but Putnam Den was where it was really at. Again, Matt neglected to buy me my drink for losing his bet, but whatever.

Tuesday was supposed to be a movie night but it got canceled due to the rain. To be honest, I really can't remember what we did on this day/night.

Wednesday was the commencement rehearsal and Senior Formal. The senior formal was AMAZING!! I couldn’t believe that regardless of having to leave early I had the best time of my life.

My CBEST test was Thursday morning at 8am and I got back to campus around 11. I slept until 3 and then had to get up to pack. Raisa, Maria, and I ate at Ravenous (HIGHLY recommended) for dinner and then took the rest of the night to pack up since my family was just getting in to NY. I went to a late dinner with them at Hattie’s. Then I brought them back to my house to play just dance wii (HILARIOUS!!). Then I went off to my friends’ birthday parties. Natalie and Alex Costa had their birthday parties on Thursday with a rubix theme. It was a very entertaining party. Matt was supposed to meet me at the party but FELL ASLEEP!!!!! So I was mad at him…. Well actually that’s a lie. I wasn’t mad, just drunk haha.

Friday morning I woke up and got ready for the Senior athletic luncheon at 12, then the brick ceremony at 3:30 and the meet and greet for my department at 4. Then I had my last dinner in Nwoods with my favorite people. We cleaned and packed and pretty much got a massive headache from it. Matt came over and hung out with me for the last time :’( and then it was time for bed.

I had to wake up early so that I could pack up my car. My family met me for the last breakfast in Dhall. And finally it was the hour of graduation. I went early to catch people who were getting their diplomas. Took lots of pictures, walked, took more pictures, celebrated, you know the usual. My family loved it, I loved it, I’m sure my friends loved it. I said my good byes, packed up the last of my things, and headed out.

In the next post I'll tell you about what I'm up to now. Until then... Laters.

What FightClub Has Taught Me

Tonight was an intense meeting (yes, I'm writing this at 1am while it's still fresh in my head). People yelled at each other. People cried or were on the verge of crying. People talked. People argued. People defended themselves. People heard what was being said. But no one was listening. From this meeting I learned a few things being the silent secretary for the mediators, who reluctantly stepped in with high hopes that the group would be able to work things out for themselves. Unfortunately, things rarely work out as you plan, nor do they ever go as you would hope. My stomach twisted more and more as peoples' voices raised to the point where I thought we needed to physically break up the fight. I thought I was going to pass out or throw up. Conflicts scare me, but I learn from them. Here is what I learned tonight:

1. If you're here to make it easier, you're here for the wrong reason.
2. Learning starts where discomfort begins.
3. Too much of a good thing, can be bad.

There is a lot more that I learned tonight. I will continue to learn with each mediation and yes, I will admit that I am afraid of leaving the club the way it is, but sometimes you have to trust that everything will be OK. As I've often said, FightClub is my new born baby. At this point right now, I'm leaving my baby at day care for the first time. It's hard for every new mother to do but she has to trust that her baby is in good hands. I trust that this club will thrive because so many people are so passionate about making it the best club that it can be. Some day I will hear about the club on the news because they will be saving the world one conflict at a time. Some day I will be sitting in a mediation thinking to myself, "Compared to FightClub, this is not a problem." But right now, I'm sitting in my room on edge because I'm terrified that something bad will happen. So... because I've learned so much from you all, I would like to pass on some words of wisdom that hopefully you'll remember the next time you're in need of a mediator:

1. A title means nothing. People will recognize you (no matter how much you try to make it anonymous). No one will go unnoticed. Even when no one else recognizes what you did, you know what you did and that's one more person that that event had noticing it than it did before you did it.
2. An e-board has to be a team, not just a group. Work together and encourage each other but most importantly, keep each other in check. Don't take things your teammate says personally. He or she is just looking out for the chemistry of the team.
3. Listen to each other. Everyone has things to say. Think about how it feels not to be heard. Don't make anyone else feel that way. When in doubt, STFU. Physically take one step back from each other, take a deep breath, and then start again when all the noise has quieted down.

I want to see this club bloom. This is but a seed in a pot just beginning to root. We have a small stem but no leaves yet. I'm a girl, I want flowers. Keep it alive long enough for a flower to bud and bloom. Then send me a picture so that I can cherish it for all eternity. Please don't let your passion die, because I might go with it. Keep learning from each other and don't forget, I'm always here to keep you updated. Until then... Laters.

I am an inspiration

Most of you know that I am, among other things, a chameleon and a mirror. I try to blend in as much as possible while still being unique. I mirror everyone else's energy and personalities so that I get along with them as much as I can. Last night at our last FightClub meeting we had a compliment car wash for the seniors. Everyone said that they loved my energy, dedication, and commitment to the club and in everything I did. I found that to be touching but also kinda funny. I don't think of myself as a particularly energetic, dedicated, or committed person. I do what I'm told because it's what I was told. Sometimes I add my own flare with it (OK, most times) but for the most part, I'm just doing what I feels right. I matched the level of energy that I felt in the meetings and carried it out from day to day making sure I was never without the support of my conflict coaches, my mediators, my friends. I never in a million years would have called myself an inspiration but almost everyone wrote that on my shirt.

Parents in my old dance team used to tell me I was a role model for their daughters or I was someone they wanted their children to grow up to be. At the time they were telling me that, I would always think to myself, "yea if you knew me outside of the dance setting, you would NOT want your daughter to be like me." I'm exceptionally uptight, neurotic, and I worry about the little things too much. After attending a college 6,000 miles away from home and going through about 4 different personalities before settling on one I could live with for the rest of my life, I finally realize what people are talking about when they compliment me. I've managed to turn my views of who I am from negative to positive using the same personality traits. While I am still uptight, neurotic, and worrisome about the little things, that is what some people would call dedication. In my senior year, I learned how to have fun, how to live, how to love. I would not have been able to do that without my club supporting me.

Now back to that mirror image I gave you in the beginning of this blog. I mirror what other people are. You know that saying, "treat others as you would like to be treated"?? Yea, well, I live by a similar motto: Live the lives you see and like, then do it better (I'm a VERY competitive person). I see who others are and I mimic the ones I like. Then I take it to the next level and make it noticeable to you. We learn this in mediation, sometimes it takes another voice to tell you what you said before you realize what you said. If you all are calling me an inspiration, it's only because I am projecting what you are in a way you can see it. I am only as happy as the person I am with. You see me as happy-go-lucky?? You're probably the reason I'm like that.

So, with all that said, I would like to dedicate this blog to my beloved FightClub. Seniors, you already got my compliments last night so I'll leave with this last message, "Go shine, Go mediate, Go fight for what you believe in."
Everyone else, good luck with this amazing club. Keep me proud. I look forward to talking with you and hearing how everything is going. Keep me posted. Until then... Laters.

This. Is. Fight Week!!! Day 1

The morning started off with an eager girl waking up and screaming "HAPPY FIGHT WEEK!!!!!!!!!" No matter where you were on campus, I can guarantee that you heard someone yelling it somewhere. I know this because that girl was me. All our hard work is finally being displayed. The Compliment and Conflict Booth was set up and a number of people seemed to be submitting a lot of cards. The booth ran from 11am to 3pm. Then at 5pm Capture the Flag was supposed to take place.

Despite the rainy Monday afternoon, 13 students engaged in many games of Capture the Flag on Case Green. It started with two students setting up. It slowly grew to three, four, and five. Before we knew it, there was enough people for a five on five game. "That was our goal!!" exclaimed Chris, one of the day leaders. Extremely excited to get the game going again, everyone split into random teams, not caring who was on what team since everyone seemed to only know about a third of the group. Shortly after they began to play three more students joined in, not entirely sure why we were playing. "Who cares, it's fun." With an odd number of people and me nearly dying from running too much, I chose to sit out for the remainder of the games to come. I instead stepped into my natural habitat of picture taking. I documented every slip, slide, steal, and prisoner throughout the rest of the evening. The teams switched sides after every win and no one kept track of how many times each team won. Since there were not real boundaries, we weren't entirely sure who won most of the time.

But that's the beauty of mediation. In the end, the goal is to meet the needs of both parties. No compromises. Just collaboration. We started this game with a goal to win Capture the Flag. We left realizing our underlying need of just having fun on a rainy afternoon. The success of this event certainly raised the bar for the rest of Fight Week to come. But with Fight Club strongly working together, the week will be nothing but successful in the eyes of their beloved members.

Up next:
Tuesday-- Drinking Dialogue on the second floor of dhall at 7pm and then Fight Club screening at 9pm in Gannett.
Wednesday--Stomach Knots/Bitter Rage in the ICC at 7:30pm
Thursday--Top O' the Tang SCREAMFest at 8pm on top of the Tang
Friday--Collaborative Concert for Conflict Resolution at 4pm on Case Green.

Be sure to keep an eye out for each event's write up. Until then... Laters!

Breathing Deep

So we're finally in the last month of school and it's finally starting to hit me.... I'm never coming back to Skidmore for classes after this. How weird is that to think about?? I never really thought about it at Mid Pac because I knew I'd at least come back for a visit. Plus I spent a good 7 years of my life there.... I've been here half the amount of time and for the most part, don't have as strong of a relationship with my professors here. It's like, what was I doing here for four years??

Sigh. I've been slowly accepting that my life is changing and that I'm not the same girl who came here in the Fall of 2007. Stressful things are no longer stressful and things that weren't stressful are now stressing me out. Friends that I met freshman year are no more than acquaintances now and friends that I met this year or even this semester are the ones I fear losing more than anything. The biggest thing that I can't imagine losing in my life are my new found loves: Fight Club, Breakbeats, and Equestrian. I have been so involved in the life of all these teams that going throughout my day without having to go to practice or attend a meeting for them, well it just seems incomplete. I'm not really sure how to cope with all this just yet. So far all I've been doing is breathing deep.

Yes, I'm thrilled that my life is headed in a direction that I want it to be heading in but at the same time I can't help but focus on the negative. What am I losing?? What am I leaving?? What can I do to maintain the life that I have here?? I know that I have so much more to look forward to... Meeting new people, living in a new place, exploring new possibilities... It's all great to think about. It's scary but a good scary. Nothing like the scary I feel when I think about all the things I could be living without in a month and a half. Was I this scared when I left Hawaii??

I'm sure everyone else has these feelings and no one wants to leave undergrads because (let's face it) these are the best years of our lives. I don't deny that and I don't doubt that it'll hold true thirty years from now when I'm going through my mid-life crisis and get some stupid tattoo to make me feel young again. All I'm saying is that it'd be nice if someone held the same excitement for moving on as I do. Everyone I talk to is scared to move on, or they don't want to because they don't know what they want to do. It's all just too much for me to deal with.

I'll try to update more when I figure my emotions out a little better. Until then... Laters.

What's Wrong With Me??

Despite being surrounded by friends who love me, I feel more alone than ever. I can't help but get angry at those who try to cheer me up or snap at those who ask the questions, "How are you??" All it took was for me to walk from Case back to my Northwoods apartment to start crying. Of course, I couldn't show it. I knew at least one of my housemates would be in the living room studying if not two. I couldn't admit to them what I'm feeling. I don't even know for sure what I'm feeling to be honest. It feels like loneliness but it also feels like anger, hatred, and fear. Those tend to rule most of my emotions. I can't remember who said it now but someone once told me that negative emotions are just the absence of happiness. Well duh. But really at this point I feel like a dementor is on the approach because I don't feel like I can be happy right now. I find myself crying, once again, alone in my room wondering if I want to talk to someone about what I'm feeling. I generally run to Chris but he won't be there forever. I don't even feel like he's really there for me now (which is absolute crap because he has been nothing but supportive in my attempt to stop being a self-loathing, pessimistic bitch to the world). I don't feel like I can do this on my own. I need someone there. I need someone who I can trust. I need someone who I know won't judge me. I know that I have these people in my life who will be there for me, who will let me trust them, who won't judge me.... But knowing is entirely different from feeling it. I don't know how to change my thoughts around. I just know that I need to. For my health and happiness, I need to start seeing the up side to things. If you know how to help me, please let me know. Until then... Laters.

Spring Break Recapitulation

Well I'm back at school and you know what that means.... Yes, less than 2 months till graduation. Oh yea it also means UPDATE TIME!! So here's what happened over the last week (spring break).
Thursday, March 10: Packed and anxiously awaited morning to come so that I could hop on a plane for San Francisco. I had a million and one things to do, not to mention I went and visited Cupcake H at the Condom Carnival. She was working and I just wanted to see how down hill the event has gone since frosh year. I contemplated not sleeping that night so that I could get everything done. I sent a text to Breakbeats to ask if we wanted to cancel practice. I know I did. The general consensus was, "Yes cancel because I'm already on my way home." So I went ahead and canceled practice giving me two extra hours to cross things off my To Do list. Then I hung out with Chris because he always calms me down when I'm feeling like I'm about throw myself out a window just to get away from too many obligations. I don't think I've ever had that much fun before traveling before.
Friday, March 11: Woke up and got straight to work. I had to hide the mice because I wasn't sure if anyone would be checking in on our house. That took a fair bit of creativity. Then I packed the last of my things, went to the Skidshop to get my pay check (aka money for spring break), and headed out to my car. It had been raining so the snow was finally melting into slush and it wasn't too icy. I didn't have much problem leaving but navigating the long term parking structure was interesting to say the least. I finally got into the airport and checked in and got to my gate. Before I knew it I was in SF texting Fink to pick me up. I had a smile that stretched from Hawaii to New York about the next week. Of course I also had butterflies. He picked me up and I was so happy to see him. When we got to his house he suggested we chill in the hot tub (HELLS YES). It was nice to relax and loosen up after two flights and a lay over. Not sure how long we stayed in there because I'm pretty sure I passed out a couple times. After a quick shower I crashed (really early) from jet lag.
Saturday, March 12: Woke up way too early for the west coast. Hung out and watched TV just waiting for Fink to wake up. Once he did we ate breakfast and headed into the city. I absolutely LOVE San Francisco. I couldn't help but enjoy every site and sound that surrounded me. The beautiful buildings, the gorgeous water.... EVERYTHING. It was so much fun to walk around, up and down the hills. We hung out and watch a couple of shows at Fisherman's Wharf. Best Saturday by far. Did I mention we ate at Rain Forest Cafe?? YUMMMM :D We were planning on going out that night but I kinda passed out around 8:30 when we got home from playing in the city. I woke back up around 11:30 but was still pretty tired so we decided to just go to bed.
Sunday, March 13: To be honest, I don't really remember what we did during the day. I remember going to the city for dinner and walking around for some awesome night shots. The reason I don't remember much of what we did was simply that it was starting to get awkward between us. I guess we really didn't know each other that well so we just didn't have much to talk about. We talked about movies and music but our tastes are so different that we both felt like we were explaining everything rather than relating over it. It was rather uncomfortable.
Monday, March 14: Fink had work so I spent the day by myself in the city. I walked EVERYWHERE. I went to SFMOMA and thoroughly enjoyed myself there. Then I walked around just chillin at the Westfield Shopping Center and Embarcadero Plaza. I met up with Fink after he was done with work. Then we went home and watched a couple movies. We didn't really talk much that day either.... I had an awesome time in SF but to be honest, I was kinda glad to be leaving the next day. We just didn't have a very strong friendship to spend so much time alone together.
Tuesday, March 15: My sister and mom picked me up and we headed into the city for lunch. We ended up eating at Boudin down at the pier (YUMMM). Shortly after we headed up to Redding. It was raining practically the entire time. We spent the night in Redding. This was the day of travel... just a small look into what we would be doing the rest of the week.
Wednesday, March 16: Early in the morning we left Redding to go up to Bend. We saw the campus and met my faculty. I was thrilled to hear that I was accepted from the woman who interviewed me. A little out of the ordinary to hear it rather than read it from the letter but awesome nonetheless. After we were done at OSU-Cascades we headed up to Tacoma.
Thursday, March 17: We woke up and visited UPS. Mom enjoyed seeing the campus and all the new expansions since she was last there. We toured the city and went to a bunch of different places. Then we went to the museum of glass!! That was the highlight of the trip!! I am obsessed with glass so I was in love with the museum and demos of how to make things out of glass :)
Friday, March 18: In the morning we took off for Woodburn. We did a little shopping for work clothes (since I am now headed in the direction of school counseling). I found A LOT of really cute stuff and I can't wait to go back to expand my wardrobe :) Then we hopped back in the car and headed down to Corvallis. I LOVE THE OSU BOOKSTORE!!! I will be making some trips west to buy more OSU apparel and things haha. Shortly after we headed all the way down to Ashland. My mom loved the small town life in Ashland and she thought it was a really cute place to visit. I definitely will be back someday soon. I liked it a lot too.
Saturday, March 19: We ate breakfast at Morning Glory, which was INDESCRIBABLE!! The food was massive and amazingly delicious. I wish I could describe it better but it's just one of those places you HAVE to go to. Then we headed out and back down to San Francisco. We spent a few hours in the city walking up Lombard and chillin in the rain at Fisherman's Wharf. Then I had to go to the airport.

That was the (not so) quick descriptions of my last spring break from Skidmore. It's weird to think that the next time I have a spring break I'll be looking to go somewhere away from the west coast rather than towards it. I'll be sure to update you on my last first week back from break soon. Until then... Laters!

One more for February

Yes yes, I know. It's been faaaarrr too long. Here's why I haven't been on in a while... The weekend after Valentine's day I had a horse show. My parents and sister came up for a visit AND it was Chris and Raisa's 21st birthdays. So that was a busy weekend altogether.
That weekend in a nutshell:
Thursday- family got in and I went out to dinner with them.
Friday-Prep for the show, cook dinner for family, mice got in a fight and there was blood everywhere.
Saturday-Show all day, team won 1st, I won 3rd, DK and Rochelle both came to see me (THANKS!! I really appreciate it), buy a second cage to separate mice, and get ready for the birthday party. The party theme was superheroes and there were SOOOOO many people who showed up. Everyone got incredibly wasted because, well let's face it, two of my best friends are turning 21 one day apart. You just have to party hard.
Sunday-Walk a horse, piece together last night, and breakbeats practice. I also had to say bye to my wonderful family but I will be seeing Mom and Rendi soon (spring break to be exact) and Dad I'll see in May for grad.

The next week after that was the death of me.
Monday-Chris's real birthday. I took him out to a bar to use his ID for real.
Tuesday-Massive headaches and midterm for Sociology of Emotions (of course I stressed).
Wednesday-Low and behold, I'm sick. FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC.
Thursday-Fever and body aches. Stayed in bed through breakbeats.
Friday-Supposed to leave for Philly so that I could present my capstone at the Eastern Sociological Conference. But of course the weather decided to bring in snow and cover the ground in gross icy snow so that we couldn't get to the train. I end up not going because by the time I would be able to get into Philly, I would have missed my presentation timeslot. Too much stress to try and figure it out, I just said no :(
Saturday-I go to the hockey playoffs and watch Skidmore get their asses handed to them by Babson. Sad, but still and exciting game nonetheless. Their season is officially over but so it goes. The lacrosse game which was supposed to be at Skidmore on this day was moved to Sunday at 3 at Babson (yea hockey ended their season with Babson while lax started with them).
Sunday-Wished Tyler luck at the game saying that Babson's hockey team pissed me off so I wanted them to kill their lax team. They ended up winning but it was close. Good thing a win is a win. Their next home game is not until March 19th and I won't even be here for it. Spring break ends on the 20th so I won't be back on campus until then. But I will be cheering for them all season!!

So now on to the future... What is there to say?? Mediation training is being completed this weekend so that's very exciting. There's also a Hartwick Show this weekend. WISH US LUCK FOR ALL THAT AND MORE!! Also, spring break is coming up in 2 weeks and I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. I'm flying to San Fransisco to see Fink for a couple of days. I get in on March 11th and get to spend the weekend with him :) I've been counting down the days since December!! Just a little background on him, he graduated from Skidmore and he was on the baseball team. Yes, he was one of the ones I danced "on" in the stairwell of Wilmarth my freshman year. He went to Australia to study abroad (just like me!!) and we met in intro to teaching last spring. So we've known each other for a while but never really hung out until the pen game in ed103. Then I'm going up to OSU-Cascades and UPS with Mom and Rendi (I think). Then it's back to Skidmore for the Lax and Baseball seasons :D This semester is wrapping up fairly fast but of course I'll keep you updated through all of it.... Well at least I'll try. You'll DEFINITELY get an update for spring break :) And as soon as I hear from OSU-Cascades and UPS, you'll hear from me. Until then... Laters!

Happy Valentine's day

Am I allowed to be cynical today?? I know it's supposed to be all about love and happiness but honestly, IT'S A HALLMARK HOLIDAY!!!!!!!! All this day represents is the fact that Hallmark wanted more revenue so they created a day to celebrate love, which btw should be celebrated EVERY DAY. There are about 20-30 deliveries of flowers on the 3rd floor of case where I work. I have the lovely task of signing for them, calling the recipient to come pick it up, and handing it over when they arrive. Is it a sign that I'm actually feeling kinda sick from the overwhelming smell all the flowers are leaving as they pass in and out of the office?? I know I'm from Hawaii and flowers should be like my second soul but really, having to sift through 30 arrangements searching for the one that belongs to that person standing in front of me awkwardly waiting for a delivery they didn't know was coming on the most ridiculous holiday of the year, makes me a little nauseous. Call me a cynic if you want, but I prefer the term realist. So I don't believe in romantic love. I'm not the only one who doesn't believe it. Chris is my Valentine but I made him promise he wouldn't do anything for me. I just wanted to be able to say that I had a Valentine so I wouldn't sound like such a cynic of I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY. To all of you who are in love, I don't judge you for being super lovey dovey happy on cloud 9, so don't judge me for not wanting to celebrate this "holiday." I'm happy for you and congratulations for finding happiness. Just stop telling me that Valentine's is a special day to celebrate it because it shouldn't be. Every day should be special enough to spend with your special someone. Think about it: do you really want flowers when you expect it?? Or would you rather have flowers sent to you when you're not expecting it?? Would you rather have a present just because?? Or a present because s/he is told to give you a present by a random holiday that says, "Don't forget to love your partner today"??

I know so far this hasn't been an update but since the last time I updated you only two things happened.... 1: I placed second in my class for riding (it was a practice show so it doesn't count towards or against anything). 2: I helped out with mediation training this weekend. I LOVE MEDIATION TRAINING!! It makes me feel so much better about everything. This coming weekend my parents and sister are coming up to visit for the real show on the 19th. EXCITING!! Cookie G's birthday is on the 20th and Chris's bday is the 21st. We're gonna have a ton of stuff to celebrate this weekend. I feel like time is going by so quickly but at the same time so slowly. I don't really know what to think. I can't wait until spring break. I get to visit Fink for a little bit in SF, how awesome!! Can't wait to see you sweetheart!! (For the record, we're not dating or in a relationship, we just call each other sweetheart.) I think that's all for now. Until then... Laters

Update you?? Update me!!

Hey everyone?? I know I haven't been updating you in a while but I have a very good reason for that. First, life. Let's take this category by category.

Classes: Not terrible, not awesome. Sociology of Emotions is turning out to be quite the interesting class. So many majors thrown into one class to learn from one another. Dance for the Child is kinda amazing. I'm in the class with so many of my friends that I thought I would never see before I graduated. Of course my ex and his current gf have to be in that class acting all couple-y together (BLEH!!) but I still have fun regardless. She likes to give me dirty looks because she's also in my Pilates class with me. Oh and did I mention my ex is also in my singing class too?? WTF mate?! (Yes I just stole that from the end of the world). Oh yea I should also probably remind you that my ex doesn't like to acknowledge that I exist. So.... recap, this semester will be entertaining to say the least. One thing's going for me though... SO377 Presenting sociological research. I absolutely LOVE my major and the people in it. We've gotten pretty close last semester and we will now be getting closer when we travel to Philly together in 2, count 'em, TWO weeks!! We'll all be presenting our projects (or something we've done for our major) and we'll have a blast. Too bad it's on the same weekend as so much more... Which brings me to my next category, Grad School.

More like grad school apps: I heard back from OSU Cascades and I am invited to the personal interview day. This means that I qualify to be accepted at the school, I'm just waiting to hear back from the program to see if I got in. EXCITING!! But again, too bad it's the same weekend as my presentation in Philly :/

Riding: I'm showing this weekend and next weekend (both home shows). This is the first show of the semester and it's a practice one but one that matters nonetheless. I've fallen in love with the sport and can't help but want to ride all the time (regardless of how many times I complain that going to practice is such a pain). There are 4 shows this semester and only 3 of them can I possibly go to. The fourth is the same weekend as the conference, the interview day, AND West Point's Formal (yea I was invited but of course life gets in the way and says "too bad so sad, you can't go"). Like I said, the weekend of the 25th just has wayy too much going on. But on the plus side, my parents and sister will be visiting the weekend of the 19th for my home show that counts towards my points :) again, EXCITING!!

Friends: I made some new friends this year and this semester I am thanking every God that could possibly exist for them being in my life. The first one I am so blessed to have in my life is Chris. He has kept me so incredibly calm for the first month of school. Everyone knows that I stress way too much. Chris has been the one to somehow manage to get me to breathe, take a step back, kill him if I must (JK), and just relax. It really helps me out to be part of Fight Club with him because we're both trained mediators and conflict coaches so it's nice to be able to talk to someone and have him surf back what I say without letting his own biases or judgments rule what he wants to say. Thanks Chris (who btw is my valentine this year :P). Also I'd like to acknowledge Fight Club for being the crew to step up and help me out with my newest passion of helping high school freshmen. Nick, Nat, Johanna, and Chris are so great in helping me give conflict resolution and awareness workshops. I couldn't have done it without you guys!! I can't wait for our next adventure together :)

I think that's all I have for an update for now. I'll keep reminding myself to update this blog as the semester goes on.... Until then, Laters!

Update 3

DC, here I am!!

Saturday: New Year’s day. Everything is closed and there’s nothing to do but rest up and eat.

Sunday: Sightseeing and navigating the city. First stop, Smithsonian. Union Station and the Postal Museum were first and the international spy museum was after. There are a million and one things to see and do in every museum so we only made it through about half of every museum throughout the week.

Monday: Tour of the Pentagon and Capitol. The Pentagon was AMAZING!! I have always been interested in learning about the military (and now with my new friends and reconnected friends I can learn more) but after the Pentagon tour and all the museums that praise our troops I am incredibly fascinated and impressed with the military. I like learning about them and especially love seeing them all doing what they love to do. They’re so passionate about protecting our country and speak so highly of everything… I’m just inspired by them (I know it’s cheesy but hey that’s me). Of course I would NEVER consider going into it because I’m WAY too soft and too much of a mediator, but it’s still interesting to learn about. At the Capitol we had one of Senator Inouye’s staff take us on a tour. This means we went to a bunch of offices and the appropriation room of Senator Inouye. I can’t really remember what else we did because after a week of viewing a ton of museums and trying to do as much as possible they start to blend together.

Tuesday: Tour of the Archives, visit to the natural history museum, visit to the American history museum, and tour of the Washington monument. The butterfly exhibit was closed until Friday so I was pretty upset at that. Everything else was pretty amazing though.

Wednesday: INAUGURATION TODAY!!!!!! We spent all day in the Capitol watching the inauguration of Representative Colleen Hanabusa. It was amazing. So sorry to Senator Inouye’s staff who had to be trapped in his hide-away office with our crazy family. I hope you enjoyed yourself laughing at us haha.

Thursday: Department of Interior tour. From 9am to 4pm we toured the city. We went to the WWII memorial, Arlington Cemetery, Korean War memorial, Vietnam War memorial, Lincoln memorial, lunch at the old postal building, Washington Monument, Jefferson memorial, and FDR memorial. It was a lot of walking, a lot of cold, and a lot of fun!! Again, I am VERY impressed with the military after visiting all these memorials, especially after visiting Arlington Cemetery. I loved the stones being all perfectly aligned like soldiers standing at attention and the changing of the guard of the tomb of the unknown soldier. It was so amazing to watch and feel the power of the entire place. I wanna visit the cemetery again soon. I absolutely LOVE it there, as weird as that sounds haha. I also came down with a terrible toothache, which exhibited all the symptoms of an absist (or something like that). Idk what exactly it is, but as far as I understand, it’s an infection that is causing me a great deal of pain in the root of my tooth. I haven’t been able to sleep through the pain and I actually resorted taking Tylenol. Yes, I’m taking medicine to ease pain… but it’s not very helpful because as soon as I eat, it hurts again. I’m hungry and tired but I can’t really do anything about it until I get it checked out.

Friday: Tour of the White House and visiting the air and space museum. I enjoyed it a lot but with the pain from the tooth I couldn’t help but go back to the hotel early. Although, I did get to visit my butterflies before I left :) that was pretty much the highlight of my day and when my tooth didn’t bother me as much as it had been. Of course, when I left my tooth was killing me once again. I didn’t go to dinner this night. I took a shower and packed and then passed out… hard core.

Saturday: I woke up and my tooth hurt EVEN MORE!! It’s ridiculous how much more pain you feel after being numb for a couple of hours. It started to snow just as we were leaving the hotel and my family ran out to take pics in it. I couldn’t move because the pain paralyzed my body a fair amount. We loaded up the vans and went on our way to the airport. Uncle Walter called his son who's a dental specialist or something like that so that I could get the pain all figured out.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig: I was in a TERRIBLE amount of pain. I was airsick and nauseous and my tooth hurt a lot. I went straight to Uncle Wade, Uncle Walter's son, and told him what was going on. He went to work on my mouth right away. Turns out I have an abscess. For a few months or years (when ever it was that I got my filling on that particular tooth) bacteria has been eating away at my tooth and has finally reached the roof of my mouth and behind my nose, which is why I was in so much pain. Uncle had to open up my tooth to clean it all out and after he was done I could barely breathe from the pain. It went all the way the center of my brain. I couldn't stop crying and I still had to wait for a while to get my pain killers. BTW I'm finally able to swallow pills... it's amazing what you can do when you're desperate. Anyway... now I'm feeling MUCH better but I still get nauseous and dizzy when I take my medicine (stupid side effects) but it's better than feeling a crap load of pain. I think that's everything to bring you up to date... so I guess I'll keep writing as my break continues on its adventure. Until then... Laters!

update 2

Christmas was when the REAL exhaustion took place. I had to try to schedule a bunch of hang out sesh’s with my friends since they left before I got back from DC. Special shout out to Zan for being there for me through EVERYTHING despite being blown off and ditched by me…. Why ARE you still my friend?? Haha JK. I know I don’t acknowledge you enough Zan but I really do love having you as one of the few I still talk to from MPI.

Sunday and Monday night: Hung out with Isaac and the Kalaheo crew for Jed’s 21^st birthday. MAN-O-MAN was that fun. Jed, do you remember what happened this night?? I have some of it on film :) again, a lot of it is on fb for your records lol. It was a crazy night of Kailua bar hopping. For the record, yes I was one of three girls with 15-20 guys, most from Kalaheo if not all, and majority of them in some branch of the military. There were even four of Jed’s friends from the Naval Academy out here to help celebrate. On Monday there was only the crew I knew… the ones from Miss Outstanding. I liked that night a little better because it was more my pace and I wasn’t with a bunch of people I didn’t know. Nevertheless, I made some new friends and reconnected with old friends I never thought I would see again :). Also on Monday night I went to Colin’s house to hang out with a bunch of MPI kids who, again, I never thought I’d see again. It was nice to see them all again even though I didn’t hang with them in high school that much (I didn’t have a life in high school and I still barely have one). It was interesting to see how everyone changed. A pretty eye opening experience haha. *For the record, I saw Zan this night so I didn’t TECHNICALLY ditch out on him completely :P. I promise we’ll meet up again in the future Zan… Even if I have to fly to where ever you’re stationed when you become some crazy Navy officer haha.

Tuesday: Hung out with my Tony Stark and went to dinner with the fam. Not much to say here since Tony and I talk a fair amount… even if I am drunk dialing him 75% of the time haha ;) I’ll see him again when I get back from DC.

Wednesday: Saw Erin and Dr. Grandpa Moose Kelso :D This was a fun day. We hung out and talked and just got caught up with everything that was going on. We talked a lot about the future, which seemed a lot more daunting this time since it was literally just a hop, skip, and jump over to the present. Kelso is headed to med school—CONGRATS!! And Erin is gonna apply to become a CSI (So exciting to hear that she’s doing that since I’m obsessed with that show. Just please don’t ruin the show for me, Erin haha).

Thursday: Packed and cleaned the birds’ cages. That’s pretty much it.

Friday: LEFT FOR DC!! So sorry to everyone who left already and I didn’t get to hang out with you. Mandi, I’ll be sure to come see you sometime in the near future. Idk when or where but I’ll track you down after graduation and visit again just for you :). Leanna, I’ll hang out with you when I come back (you too Erin). Carolyn, WE MISS YOU!! Stop saving the world for a couple weeks and come hang out with us!! Everyone else, keep reading for the updates on the exciting week in DC. Until then… Laters