Roller Coaster of Emotions

Last I left off I believe was Monday in the Social Animals Tut. So here's a recap of my day on Tuesday...

I woke up really early because I was really hungry. I went to get breakfast around 7:30/8 and then hung around until it was time to go to Blue Planet. I'll admit I was afraid to go to lecture because I was afraid that some people were mad at me. I'm pretty sure that they're still mad at me but I just stay out of their way and hopefully I won't cause any more trouble. I sat alone in lecture on Tuesday. I was also pretty nervous about Burg Concert being that night. You know me... wake up nervous and feeling I'm going to throw up. And those feelings don't go away until I'm either disappointed from a horrible performance or really excited because it's finally over. So I felt sick throughout the entire lecture and the added stress of people being mad at me made me feel like I was going to die: room spinning, heart pounding, sweat threatening to drown me. After a VERY long lecture I hauled ass out of there so there wouldn't be any awkward confrontation which might have actually made me puke. I went to Marine Paleontology even though it was canceled because I needed to put my presentation on the computer. I hung out there for about 15 minutes and then left. I spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready for the performance. I also had dinner that night with Teri, Swigman, Rachel, and Joanna. It took me about 3 and a half hours to finish getting ready. Then I went to dinner where Swigman, Rachel, and I waited for 40 minutes because there was some mix up at Teri's hotel. I scarfed down dinner and ran off to my performance.

The concert was amazing! I love listening to all the musical talent at Burgmann. My favorite was probably the serious opera pieces by Peter and Josh. I love their voices!! Finally it was my turn to perform. I got up on stage, quickly analyzed my space, and took a deep breath. John got up and set up the sound system for me so that I could hear the music. This performance was the first time I had done that dance full out all the way through. It was also the first time in 15 years that I had a performance where I didn't make a single mistake. I was very sore afterwards and I'm pretty sure I agitated my ankles again (you know how my ankles were sprained and I never stayed off them so they just never healed). But the feeling that I got from that performance was just INCREDIBLE!! I went to sleep that night feeling better than I had since I got back from semester break.

This morning I woke up still ridiculously sore. I rolled out of bed and got dressed ready to smash my presentation. I put on this sexy blue dress that I absolutely love and threw an interview top on over so that I just had the skirt of the dress showing. I put on my favorite heals and walked out to breakfast. I was happy to still be getting compliments about the performance but I was starting to get nervous for my presentation. I went to Blue Planet lecture like I always do and sat in the spot that I always sit at. Only this time someone sat next to me. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what's going on but other people sat next to her and that made me really uncomfortable because they were the ones who I think might be mad at me. After lecture I went to the most boring two hours of my life (no offense presenters but it was really boring). When it was my turn to give my presentation everyone was just about ready to go to sleep. I was still really nervous but it wasn't that bad once I had started my speech. I stumbled on a few words but who doesn't? Then it was over and I got feedback. Apparently I'm actually a really good speaker when I have confidence. When I don't have confidence I put people to sleep (his words not mine). So my mark is going to be in the mid Distinction range for the speaking portion. Of course that doesn't really make much of a difference if it's only 7.5% of my overall grade. After the longest three hours of my life were over I headed off to Violence and Terror. I haven't been to lecture in a really long time but this was technically our last lecture so I figured I'd go for the hell of it. I mean I was already on campus. It wasn't that bad of a lecture but I zoned out for part of it and was completely lost when I tuned back in.

I headed back to Burgmann for dinner and learned that I had won the talent show for Burgmann!! This means that I get to perform again on Sunday for the Interhall Talent Show. I'm not really sure what dance I'm going to be doing yet but I'm sure I'll think of something. I was really happy to hear that the Interhall Talent Show was on Sunday because for a while I was debating not performing so that I could go to Adam's dance expo on Saturday. The BRA calender says that the talent show is on Saturday at the same time the expo is. But apparently the calender is wrong and I'm able to do it all!! I'm so excited to be performing again.

Tomorrow is Blue Planet Prac and I'm a little nervous about that because I have a feeling there is going to be some awkwardness. Although I'm clearing up the air a little with our Prof in the morning so hopefully that won't make the atmosphere too thick with tension. I'm gone in four/five weeks anyway so it's not that big of a deal if they don't talk to me for the rest of the week because this is technically our last week of classes. Next week is kind of a joke in terms of lectures... it's all prep for exams kinda stuff. If anything I'll just update them about the situation and then go back to my I don't exist state of being in class. I've lost friends before... and the fact that I'm losing friends who I'd lose to distance anyway really isn't bothering me that much. I know it's bad to say but I've always had friendship issues and anyone from Hawaii or Skidmore will agree with that. If I may never see you again I'll burn bridges to make it less of a sad good bye. It's the way I've always been.

Tomorrow I'll update you on my roller coaster of emotions... more than likely i'll be upset and sad and pretty much everything negative because I'm predicting a pretty shit day. I may be frowning but at least I'm doing handstands so it looks like a smile. Laters!